


Tale as Old as Time

by emilyevanston



Series: Chris and Emily [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: (not perpetrated by chris or emily), Aftercare, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Anxiety, BDSM, Bondage, Death of a pet, Dom Chris, Dom/sub, Domestic Violence, Exhibitionism, F/F, F/M, Family Member Death, Flogging, Forced Orgasm, Giving Birth, Ice Play, Love, Married Life, Miscarriage, Multi, Name-Calling, Nipple Clamps, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgy, Pegging, Phone Sex, Pregnancy, Romance, Safewords, Self-Doubt, Sensory Deprivation, Sex Toys, Smut, Spanking, Threesome - F/F/M, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vibrators, role-play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:52:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 68,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16269326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/emilyevanston
Summary: Chris and Emily are married and expecting their first child.When the unthinkable happens they are forced to not only accept the reality of what life is life under public scrutiny but also what family actually means.Part 3 in theChris and Emilyseries





	1. Chapter 1

“There they are. That’s your little jelly bean. Can you see it’s little heartbeat?”

Chris and I had been back in Boston all of three days. Our honeymoon in Australia had ended. We were husband and wife. Expecting our first child even. And here we were. Staying with Chris’ mum because we didn’t have any furniture in our new place yet. Still completely jet lagged. Both of us between jobs. Having the very first ultrasound to see our baby.

It had been a pretty interesting ride to get to this very point. Chris and I had first met just over three years ago. We were in a bookshop and he bought me a book. He had also lied to me about who he was.

Well, not exactly. He had said he was an actor and he’d told me his name. I had just not recognised him and thought by actor he’d meant barista who did community theatre. Also porn. For some reason, I really thought that he might be porn.

He was not. Unless you call running around in a blue unitard porn. I kind of do. That shit is hot. Chris was an honest to god actor, who starred in movies. After we’d started going out he got offered the role of Captain America in the new Disney/Marvel film franchise. We have been navigating our relationship in the public eye ever since.

It hasn’t always been easy. I’m not a celebrity. I’m a scientist from Australia that studies predators. I don’t really get celebrity culture at all, except that I quite like nerdy things and I fangirl hard when I meet someone from the world of my nerdy interests.

Chris squeezed my hand. His legs bounced restlessly as he looked at the monitor at the weird little shape that moved on the screen. “That’s our baby, Emily.” He said, the nervous energy coming out in word form. “We made that.”

The ultrasound technician did some measurements while Chris leaned over and kissed my forehead.

“It looks like you’re about 10 weeks. You should have come in for your first appointment a couple of weeks ago.” She said.

I groaned. “I know. I’m an idiot that doesn’t know their own body well enough.”

“Not to worry. Jellybean looks healthy enough.” She pushed a button on the machine and this squish squish noise filled the room. “That’s their heartbeat.”

Chris squealed his hand squeezing mine.

The technician laughed. “I’m guessing daddy is going to want a photo of this.” She hit another button and there was a whirring sound from the machine.

“I think daddy might want to take the ultrasound machine home with him.” I laughed.

The technician tore off the little strip of photos and handed them to Chris. He stared at them with a smile on his face. I nudged him. “Hey nerd, live streaming from my uterus right now.”

He looked up and poked his tongue out at me.

The technician did some more measurements moving the wand around to different sides to get all the possible angles. I started to squirm uncomfortably.

“Okay. I think we’re all done. You can go pee now if you need to.” She said.

“Oh thank Christ.” I yelped scrambling to my feet. I think she may have had more to say, but I didn’t stop to listen. I just dashed to the bathroom desperate to empty my extremely full bladder that had just been pushed down on by the ultrasound wand for far too long.

When I came back Chris was alone. He burst out laughing.

“She gave me these so you can clean up and said she’d send the results to the OBGyn.” He said, handing me a wad of tissue.

I wiped my stomach just for something to do, as I’d already cleaned most of the gel off in the bathroom. Chris pulled me over to him as I held my skirt up wiping myself down. He kissed me just below the belly button.

“Hello, Jelly Bean.” He whispered. “I can’t wait to meet you.”

I ruffled his hair and he pressed his face up against my stomach. I hugged his head for a moment and then pushed him away.

“Is that their name now?” I asked, taking Chris’ hand and pulling him to his feet.

“I like it.” He said.

Our next stop was blood tests. I was waning by the time the phlebotomist was able to see me but the tests went by quickly. Then it was back up to the OBGyn.

Chris was buzzing. He wanted to know anything and everything. I actually had to leave the room halfway through to throw up. So that’s how well it went in my eyes. She told me to take pregnancy vitamins and ginger pills for the nausea. Other than that everything was normal. I’d have appointments once a month until the last few months when it would be every two weeks, then every week until the baby was born.

Chris asked when he’d get to know the gender? When I’d be showing?  When he’d get to feel the baby?  When my morning sickness would go away?  Was all the travelling we were doing safe? Was sex okay? That was an important one for him because he kept pushing it. I think he was trying to figure out what was still okay to do without saying ‘hey I like to tie my wife up and flog her, is that okay?’ or 'oh sometimes she has two dicks in her at the same time, will that hurt the baby?’

Hey doc, my name’s Emily. I’m kinky as hell. Tell me, how kinky can I be now I’m growing another person?

Sex was a huge part of Chris and my relationship. We hadn’t rushed into it (his idea, not mine), but once we started having it we sampled from a wide array of things. Light BDSM was our main kink. He’s the D, I’m the S. I really like it. I like being tied up and hit. I like it when he calls me names. I really like it when he edges me for hours before he lets me come.

It’s not the only thing either. We like bringing other people in. We aren’t swingers. More, we like a third to join in on occasion. So far the females have been random, but we do have a male friend who will join us from time to time. Tom Hiddleston. Do you know him? Man when both our kinks happen at once, then you get a happy Emily.

“You really don’t need to worry. Sex is fine. Most activities Emily would normally take part in are fine. Unless she’s routinely being hit in the stomach she’s at no risk.” Doctor McKenna said. “Not a kickboxer are you, Emily? You may need to scale back on the kickboxing.”

I laughed. “Damn it. I was just planning on starting.”

“She does parkour though. Maybe she should stop that.” Chris added.

The doctor looked at me like she didn’t quite believe what she’d heard. “Parkour like jumping building to building?”

“That’s the one,” I said.

“Well, it’s probably no more unsafe to you than it normally is. I guess I wouldn’t recommend it.” Doctor McKenna said.

I laughed. “Okay. No more free running. Chris, you spoilsport.”

The doctor said her goodbyes and we headed out of the hospital to the car. Chris turned me to face him and pressed me against the passenger door. His hands went to my face and he kissed me. “Can I take my two favourite people to lunch do you think?”

I shook my head. “I’m really tired and the jetlag has made my nausea all over the place. I just wanna go home and eat saltines and try not to throw up and nap while you play with my hair.”

Chris kissed my forehead. “Of course.”

After we got back to Lisa’s place, Lisa drilled us with questions about the appointment. How far along was I? Did everything look okay? Was the fact I didn’t know for so long terrible? I left Chris to answer while I went up to his room to rest with a box of crackers and a sprite.

I thought I’d try to read, but I had trouble focusing on the page. I really should have just let myself sleep, but I’m an idiot and I wanted to be needy and have Chris actually come stroke my hair.

He finally made his way upstairs to me and I was half drifting off with a half eaten cracker in my hand.

Chris came and sat on the edge of the bed. He took the saltine from my hand and tossed it into the trash. “Whatcha doin’, dummy?”

“Being a baby,” I said. “I wanna sleep, but not without you here.”

Chris lay down next to me and I moved so I was lying in the crook of his arm. “Aww. How nice. I have two babies.” He stroked his hand over my stomach. “I wish I could feel it.” He said pressing down. “Can you?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel these little fluttery things. I looked online and people said that’s it. But like, maybe it’s just indigestion.”

His hand moved to my hair and he started to run his fingers through it. “Baby kicking or gas. That’s hilarious.” He said. “I’m so excited, Emily.”

“I know you are, my love,” I said closing my eyes.

“You told me on our wedding day,” Chris said.

“I know. I remember.” He kept going over it like he couldn’t believe it was real. That maybe someone was about to jump out from behind a curtain and tell him it was some kind of elaborate hidden camera prank. “That’s because that’s when I found out.”

“Your dress was too tight on your boobs.” He laughed.

“Chris?” I whispered.

“What is it, babe?”

I reached up and tapped his cheek. “Shh.”

“Want me to sing you to sleep?” He asked.

I hummed in reply.

“ _There is freedom within, there is freedom without. Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup.”_ He sang.

“That’s an Australian band.” I murmured.

“I know it is.” He replied. “ _There’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost. But you’ll never see the end of the road when you’re travelling with me._ ”

“I really like this song.”

“I know you do. Now shh. Go to sleep.” He said. “ _Hey now, hey now. Don’t dream it’s over. Hey now, hey now. When the world comes in. They come, they come, to build a wall between us. We know that they won’t win._ ”

I drifted off to sleep in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Chris and I spent most of October furnishing and doing the minor renovations on the Boston home. I had another doctor’s appointment to check for gestational diabetes. There was nothing unusual to report. I was healthy. Baby was healthy. My morning sickness had started to abate. It was all good.

So mostly we decorated. The renovations were mostly minor and happened quickly. We were just updating a little of the interior so it didn’t look stuck between antique and modern. We redid a couple of the bathrooms too. That took a little longer but it didn’t keep us out of the house. It had five bathrooms. A couple being out of service wasn’t a big deal. I was really looking forward to using the new ones though. We were mimicking the bathroom in Chris’ LA home but with a more antique look.

Furnishing the house was harder. It was massive and we were really starting from scratch. Chris hired a decorator to help us. If you’d asked me a couple of years ago if either Chris or I were the kind of people who would hire decorators I would have said, no, absolutely not. I decorated my apartment in LA by going to the Salvation Army. How did I now have an interior decorator?

They were amazing though. We went through the house and said what kind of things we were thinking. She brought in books and magazine and we gave yes, no or maybe to different furnishings. Then she just went and bought things. She scoured antique markets and auctions. She had people make things for us. She bought new furniture when that was what fitted best.

The sofa she bought was the single most comfortable chair I’ve ever sat in. Perfect height. Super plushy and soft without being too soft. It even had a daybed. Which was going to be awesome to make use of.

We had a room set up as a games room, with a pool table. I had an office. Didn’t have a job yet, but still, that was nice. We had contractors come in to renovate the carriage house into a gym, or at least part of it. We thought the rest might just be a good space for parties. That was a bigger job and was going to take a few months complete.

The main two things we were having trouble with was finding a bed we liked and setting up a nursery. The nursery issue was just one of the big plans for something temporary. We kept getting more and more excited about it. Someone was brought in to paint a mural. It was elaborate and included Disney characters, Harry Potter and the Avengers. We kind of went a little over the top.

The bed was settled a little easier. I really wanted a four poster one. I’d always wanted one growing up and it would fit this house so well. Chris didn’t care except he wanted it to be comfortable and he wanted to be able to tie me to. I mean yeah with a four poster there is the spread position available. Chris just likes variety Finding a four poster with anything other than a solid headboard that isn’t stupidly ornate was difficult.

By the end of October, we felt ready to actually move in. We were technically only getting a month together before Chris had to leave to film a movie called ‘Many a Splendid Thing’ in LA. Even still, it was nice being in our place. The place we were going to be raising a family.

Now my morning sickness was easing back I had reached the completely insatiable part of pregnancy. That’s hard to deal with when you’re living with your mother-in-law. On our first night in the new house, I jumped Chris as soon as we walked in the front door. We fucked up against the door of the foyer. We then had ordered pizza and fucked again on the new couch.

I got ready for bed that night, dressing in warm flannelette pyjamas with Captain America on them. Chris rolled his eyes when he saw them.

“Where did they come from?” He asked when I curled up against him. He was reading through his script again. He flipped it closed and put it on the bedside table with his glasses.

“Mealy got them for me because I didn’t have a bridal shower. These are my sexy lingerie. Do you like them?” I said.

He toyed with the buttons on the shirt. “So hot.” He nuzzled at my neck for a moment and then leaned back and switched off the light.

I lay draped over his chest and he stroked his fingers down my arm. “I was thinking when Jelly Bean is born, maybe I’d get a tattoo. Maybe their name or birth date or something like that.”

“A jelly bean.” I murmured. I was already starting to drift off.

Chris chuckled. “I actually really like that.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “Maybe I’ll get one that represents you too. Maybe the Southern Cross?”

“No. No tattoo of me. What’s wrong with you?” I said.

“What? I have one for my mom and Scott, Carly and Shanna.” He said, sounding little offended.

“You’re stuck with them. You can still ditch me. You get a tattoo and it become permanent. Puts pressure on. There’s psychology involved. Most people who get tats of their partner break up.” I said, sitting up and looking down at him.

“You think I’d ditch you? After all this time?” He asked.

“I know you love me, Chris. Please don’t do this. I already know you love me. You don’t have to write it on your skin.” I pleaded.

“You  _are_  superstitious.” He said, pulling me back against him.

“It’s science, bitch.” I retorted.

Chris laughed and pulled me against him. I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat.

* * *

I woke with a start, taking a sudden deep breath in. I’d been dreaming about half of the Avengers cast just taking turns with me. I was panting and I felt sweaty. I slid my finger into my pants. I was dripping and I pressed down on my clit. It sent such a jolt through me that I gasped.

Chris stirred a little but didn’t wake. I lay my head down on his chest, looking up at him and started to run my fingers through his chest hair.

“Chris,” I whispered.

He made a sleepy grunt and pulled the blankets up a little. I started placing kisses along his chest. “Chris. Wake up.” I breathed.

He stirred a little more and his hand went to my back. “Emily?” He mumbled. “What’s wrong?”

“I had a dream.”

He hugged me. “It’s okay, babe. You’re safe.”

I shook my head and rolled onto my back. “Not that kind of dream,” I said, taking his hand and pushing it down into my pants.

He rolled his finger over my clit and I jerked suddenly. “Oh fuck, Chris.” I gasped.

“Jesus Christ. Emily, you’re soaking. What were you dreaming about?” He rolled over on top of me and ran his fingers up and down my folds.

I shook my head.

Chris moved his head down to my ear. “Tell me what it was, dirty girl.”

“I was fucking you, and Tom was beside us fucking Natalie and me and Natalie were making out,” I said, Chris groaned and the speed of his fingers increased. “Then everyone changed and it was Sebastian and Hayley and Hemsworth. Then all the cast of the Avengers were there. Maybe not the cast exactly. The characters. Like I fucked Cap, not you.”

Chris started laughing. “I love that I starred in your favourite porno, Em.”

I shoved him and he engulfed me in his arms. I wrapped mine around his neck and started kissing along his throat. He pushed two fingers inside of me and curled them stroking them along my g-spot. I cried out, bucking underneath him.

I stroked my hands down his back, feeling his muscles as they moved. Contracting and releasing, twisting and shifting as he moved over me, his fingers working my cunt. He sucked and licked over my skin, making a trail from my neck down. He unbuttoned my pyjama shirt as he went. When he reached my breast he sucked my nipple into his mouth and pressed his teeth down on it.

It pushed me over and I came. My whole body shuddered with it. I made a muffled moan into Chris’ shoulder.

“Don’t be quiet, Emily,” Chris said. He sat up and finished unbuttoning my shirt. He kissed down my chest and over my stomach. He’d draw circles over my skin with his tongue. He took the hem of my pants and pulled them down.

His fingers returned to my cunt and he began to tease and stroke his fingers inside of me while he crouched in between my legs. I reached up gripping onto the headboard and let myself go. My cunt tingled, which spread through me building in the pit of my stomach. I moaned, writhing on the bed. Holding on to the headboard for dear life. Chris took it as a signal to start tonguing my clit. He circled it and pushed down before sucking it into his mouth. He placed open-mouthed kisses up the length of my folds, lapping his tongue along them.

All the while his fingers pressed and stroked along my g-spot. He was forceful, grinding his knuckles against it. Stoking them like he was trying to drag another orgasm out of me. It was working. I was coming apart. I kicked my legs and he grabbed hold of one with his free arm pulling me back down into his mouth.

I relaxed back as much as I could it felt like molten metal was flowing through me. Chris pressed down on my g-spot and dragged his fingers down while he sucked on my clit and I came again, screaming out. I cursed as I gushed onto his face and he drank me up.

He stalked back up towards me and I rolled onto my side and grabbed the glass of water I had on my bedside table and skulled it. My voice felt raw and my throat dry.

“You alright, honey?” Chris asked. He kissed me and I devoured him, my tongue plunged into his mouth. I wanted to savour every last drop of me that was still on his lips.

He shifted his boxers down and I reached for him, stroking his cock. He moved my hand away and lined himself up at my entrance.

“You don’t want me to reciprocate after that?” I asked, breaking our kiss.

“You woke me up at 2am because you’re a little horndog. This is about you. I’m going straight back to sleep after this.” Chris laughed.

“You’re so good to me.” I giggled. My laughter was cut short as he slowly eased his cock into me. I gasped, clenching my pelvic floor.

“Gotta take care of the ol’ wife’s needs.” He teased. I pinched him on his side and he squirmed over me. “Hey watch it you!”

Chris slowly rolled his hips against me with each thrust. He kissed me deeply. His mouth dancing against mine. My breath caught in his. I wrapped my legs around him. Pulling him down deeper into me.

“Harder, Chris. I need you to go harder.” I pleaded with him.

Chris propped himself up onto his hands and looked down at me. “I don’t want to hurt the baby.” He said.

I shook my head and grasped at him. My fingers dug into his bicep. “The doctor said it was fine. Please.”

“Emily.”

“Just do it properly or get on your back.” I snapped.

He laughed and rolled us over. I grabbed hold of the headboard and I rode him. I moved up and down on his cock quickly, rocking my hips. Sweat beaded on my body. Chris gripped my breasts, palming them. He stared at me, his face set and I stared back down at him, willing myself to come again.

My legs started to shake as my orgasm crested. I moved one hand to my cunt, flicking at my clit and my whole body clenched. My orgasm crashed down on me, setting his off too. His hips thrust up into me and he emptied inside of me.

I rolled off him and he spooned me from behind.

“All better?” He asked.

“Very much. Thank you. Sorry, I said you weren’t doing the sex properly.” I said, closing my eyes.

He laughed and kissed my cheek. “It’s okay. You have high expectations because of how good I am at it. I get it.”

I started cackling and he rubbed my stomach.

“Go back to sleep, Emily.” He said.

“Okay. I love you.” I said.

“Love you too, sweetheart.”


	3. Chapter 3

We held a combination Halloween and housewarming party at the new place. There was still a little bit of work going on to it, but not so much that it would be disruptive to a party.

Chris and I did the couples costume thing again. This year we went with Belle and Beast. I don’t know why I’m comfortable wearing ballgowns as a costume, but I really am. I loved being in Belle’s giant, yellow cupcake dress.

Chris had gone all out decorating the house. We’d carved jack-o-lanterns together. Oh my god! I had never done that before. Mine weren’t great, but I was pleased they didn’t suck. Chris appeared to have a lot more practice at it. He used a Dremel to get those different layers so when they lit up it wasn’t just a face it was a whole scene.

Who would have thought that the ability to carve a pumpkin would make someone more attractive to me?

Lisa showed up early which meant I was suddenly fragile goods. I was not allowed to help in the kitchen or decorate I had to sit and be pregnant.

I hated it. It reminded me of when we first visited Chris’ family and I wasn’t allowed to help around the house because I was a guest. It made me feel like I wasn’t family. Like I’d never be family. I was always going to be a Stephens in this group of Evans’ even in my own home.

“Hey, grumpy. What’s up?” Chris asked, entering the lounge room and flopping on the couch next to me.

I shrugged. “I just thought this was my house.”

“You mean, Ma? She’s just trying to take care of you, babe.” Chris said throwing his arm around my shoulder.

“Makes me feel unwanted.” I sulked.

Chris pressed his lips to my forehead, it felt weird with his beast fangs in. “So I’m going to say something that might be a huge mistake. But here goes.” He took a deep breath. “Do you think maybe you’re overreacting because of your pregnancy hormones?”

I groaned. “Maybe. It’s still how I feel.”

“I promise, she’s just doing it because she loves you and she wants to take care of you.” He moved, so his mouth was up against my ear. “I’ll take care of you after the party. Would you like that?”

I elbowed him. “Sex doesn’t fix everything, Chris.”

He didn’t move away from me. Instead, he nuzzled at my throat. His hand ran up my bodice and he squeezed my breast. I gasped suddenly and released the sudden intake of air in a deep hum. “You sure about that?” He growled.

My cunt tingled and I squirmed in my seat. “Cut it out,” I said.

Chris got up. “I’ll go talk to her.” He said.

I grabbed his hand. “No, Chris. Don’t you dare!”

“So you’re just going to sit here and sulk?”

I shrugged. “At least until other people get here.”

I did cheer up considerably when other people got there. Although, one of Chris’ parties, when you can’t drink, aren’t always the  _most_  fun things. I kind of threw myself in trick-or-treating duty.  There were so many kids in this neighbourhood. Or maybe because it was a rich neighbourhood they were brought in. I don’t know. They were all super cute though. I always got doubly excited when they were dressed as Avengers.

I realised by about ten that Chris wasn’t drinking. He didn’t even touch a beer at all.

“What’s going on?” I asked, sidling up to him and putting my arm around his waist.

“We’re just playing pool. Good call on the pool table.” Chris answered.

“No, I mean, why aren’t you drinking?”

Chris kissed me and moved to take his shot. He didn’t sink anything and he came back to me slinging his arm around my shoulder while Zach went to shoot.

“You can’t drink, so I’m not going to.” He said.

I scratched his belly. “You didn’t need to do that. I don’t care.”

“I know. You were just feeling left out. So now we’re in it together tonight. Besides,” He leaned in close to me, “Maybe I want to be in complete control tonight.”

“Stop teasing me,” I whined.

Chris grinned at me. “You know that’s never going to happen.”

As far as parties hosted by Chris go, it was pretty tame. Shoes still ended up on our roof. It’s not a party without shoes on the roof.

When the last person left Chris wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and nuzzled into my neck. “Now, it’s just you and me.”

“Only if you can catch me,” I said pulling away from him and dashing towards the stairs. Running in a full ballgown wasn’t the best idea. Chris caught me and threw me over his shoulder and then dashed upstairs taking them two at a time.

“Now, Emily,” He said, dropping me to my feet. “You know I’m still a little nervous about the whole rough sex thing. I’ve been thinking about it though. I have some ideas. Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

Chris stepped back from me, he turned me away from him and unzipped the dress. I stepped out of it. “Hang that up for me,” I said.

“Yes, boss,” Chris replied. “You get completely naked. I want you on the bed when I come back.”

I stepped out of my shoes and took off my bra and panties and threw them into the laundry hamper before hopping up onto the bed. Chris returned with a blindfold, leather cuffs and those noise cancelling headphones you can get. I squirmed when I saw them. We were doing sensory deprivation.

I held my hands out to him and he approached me. I started giggling as he attached the cuffs to my wrists. “What’s so funny?” He asked.

“Just don’t remember this bit in the movie, Beast,” I said.

He laughed. “Yeah, I’ll take a shower in a minute and get this shit off me.”

I looked up at him. “You’re going to just make me wait?”

“Yes, and you’re going to be really good for me aren’t you, Emily? You’ll wait like such a good girl. You want to make me happy don’t you?” He crooned, stroking his thumb along my jaw.

“Yes, Chris,” I said.

His thumb slid over my lip and pushed inside my mouth. I sucked on it and he moved it in and out over my tongue. He pulled his hand away and picked me up and moved me into the middle of the bed. I raised my hands and he attached them to the headboard. He ran his hands down my arms and over my breasts. My breath hitched as he squeezed them before sliding them down lower. He teased them over my pussy and ran them down my legs.

When he reached my ankles he attached cuffs to each one and attached them to the ends of the bed so I was now lying spread for him.

“What colour are you?” He asked.

I tested the bindings and rolled my shoulders. “Green.”

He came up to my head and put the headphones on me and turned on his iPod. A soft electronic beat filled my ears, followed by synthesizer. I looked at Chris, and he said something and pointed to his ears. I nodded and he pulled the blindfold down over my eyes.

I waited. It felt like an eternity. Just lying in the dark, unable to move, listening to the chillstep playing through the headphones. I tried to relax, but I couldn’t seem to quite be able to. The position I was in, and the fact I knew Chris would come back made my nerves tingle.

The first thing I felt was the soft tickle of what I assume was a feather up the inside of my calf. It made me jump. He skimmed the feather up to the inside of my thigh and over my pussy. He tickled it over my stomach and up my side. My whole body tensed up. It went under my arm and I yelped and tried to pull away only to jar my shoulder as I yanked it in my bonds.

The feather moved over my breast, he teased my nipples with it. They hardened and I hummed.  My voice echoing in my head. He moved it back down over my stomach and then up my other side. This time he spent longer teasing under and up my arm. I squealed and writhed on the bed trying to get away from it, but completely unable to.

He stopped suddenly and then there was nothing. I just lay there panting. Waiting for something to happen. When I’d finally gotten my breath under control I felt the mattress dip to my left. Chris’ fingers stroked over my lips and then the cold wet of ice touched them. I flinched and then sucked on the cube that he held to my mouth. Cold water trickled down my throat and he moved the ice down over my chin. He slid it down my neck and between my breasts.

Water pooled on my skin as he just held it in place. I shivered and goose bumps prickled my skin before he moved the ice. He circled over one nipple and then the other. They hardened to the point they were painful. I moaned and arched my back and he took the ice away.

After a little while, the scent of blueberries filled my senses. Chris drizzled cold liquid down my torso. I tensed up again and for the first time since we started, he put his hands on me. He massaged the scented oil into my skin, working it over my breasts and down my stomach with his large hands. I started to relax, soft moans escaping my lips as he kneaded and rubbed my flesh.

He moved so he was sitting between my legs and I felt his tongue touch on my stomach. He licked up in a stripe between my breasts and then pressed his lips against mine. I could taste the blueberry flavour of the oil on his mouth and my tongue darted over his top lip.

We stayed like that, kissing for a little while. His body not touching mine. When he suddenly pressed down against me, he was naked and hard. His erection pressed against my pubic mound and I gasped. He immediately pulled completely away.

There was a sudden buzz against my clit. Chris had pressed one of my vibrators against it. I gasped and he took it away again. He stroked me with his fingers for a moment before pressing the vibe against my clit again. He repeated this process a few times. Each time he’d bring me just that little bit closer to orgasm. Until I was nearly there, panting and begging for him to release me. That’s when it happened. He slapped me. Open palm, right on my pubic mound.

A sharp sting erupted in my cunt, shooting through the rest of me. I came suddenly, cursing him. Before I even had a chance to savour the feeling, Chris was inside of me. The vibrator was pressed against my clit again and an orgasm returned before I even really stopped having the first one. I came again and again. It was all I could focus on. The music in my ears had become white noise. The only sense I had now was feeling and the only feeling I had was climax after climax.

I started to beg him to stop, but to me, it was almost like he wasn’t even there. I was begging some unknown entity for something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. After what felt like forever I felt Chris release inside of me. I was aware of every pulse and every twitch in a way that I had never been before.

He slipped out of me and ran his hands up and down my body again as my breathing stilled and I came down from my orgasm high. He took the headphones off my head and the blindfold from my eyes. I blinked up at him as my eyes adjusted.

“How ya doing there?” He asked.

I sighed. “Holy fuck, Chris. That was amazing. Let’s do that more often.”

He chuckled and started unfastening my wrists and ankles. “I’m glad you liked it.”

When I was free he had me roll over and he used the same oil as before to rub my back and shoulders. Loosening up my shoulders after they’d been held in place for so long. We then took a shower and he washed my hair. He left me alone under the spray for a while and when I hopped out of the shower he’d changed the sheets on the bed.

“I can’t believe I get such great aftercare when you basically just spent the last hour taking care of my needs,” I said snuggling down into the bed with him. It’s amazing how good fresh sheets feel, I swished my legs back and forth under the covers.

“It can still be mentally taxing that kind of thing. You gave up a lot of control. It takes a lot of trust. This bit is important.” He said.

“Also I love it.” I sighed and kissed his jaw.

“Also you love it. And I love you.” He said.

“I love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

This year my birthday fell the day after Thanksgiving. After spending the day with Chris’ family I wanted to play it a little low key. Gaby and Tom actually flew in for the day. Gaby had been in San Diego visiting her parents so she stopped in overnight on the way back to England. Tom, however, had decided to come visit for a week. He was in the country doing some promotional work and he thought it was a good opportunity to hang out.

It was good actually because Chris was about to leave to go to LA. I would be joining him there but I had an important OBGyn appointment I needed to go to. Chris was not happy about missing it, but I assured him it was fine. I was going to go with his Mum and I promised not to find out anything important like gender without him. This was just the checking everything was progressing fine appointment.

Tom being here meant I didn’t have to be rattling around this massive house alone. It was nice.

Gaby had brought her boyfriend with her. They were getting really serious and about to move in together. I couldn’t be happier for her.

The five of us had a quiet dinner at home. Chris had found a Captain America shield for my Pandora bracelet. After dinner, we just sat around in the living room. Chris started a fire and I snuggled on the couch with him and East as we all played Cards Against Humanity.

I think the big family Thanksgiving had worn me out because I fell asleep against Chris and woke up in the middle of the night in our bed, my bladder killing me.

The next day I dropped Gaby and James off at the airport and when I got back Tom and Chris were just sitting outside on the patio drinking beer.

“Oh that’s right, rub it in,” I said, flopping down in one of the chairs.

“Aww, poor baby. You can have some nice non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice if you want.” Chris teased, rubbing my leg.

I pulled a face. “No, I can’t because we don’t have any.”

Chris sat back and took a swig of his beer. “So we were talking…” He said.

“You always do that behind my back. Cut that shit out already.” I grumbled.

Chris laughed. “Sorry, baby.” He looked over at Tom and rolled his eyes. “She’s a little hormonal.”

I punched him in the leg and he started laughing.

“Anyway, first of all, Tom is up for sex if you want. It’s up to you.” Chris said.

I laughed.

“That means she is because she’s fucking insatiable at the moment,” Chris said to Tom. Tom started laughing too. “We’re not doing anything rough though, Emily. It’s weird enough for me with you pregnant and with someone else.”

I pouted. “Fine. But seriously, Chris. If it’s weird for you we won’t do it. Simple as that.”

“Yes. I don’t want to cause problems. I can just be here as a friend.” Tom agreed.

Chris took another drink of beer. He fumbled around his pocket, I think to get cigarettes, remembered he was quitting and didn’t have any and then fell backward into the chair. “I’ve thought about it heaps. Honestly, after the baby’s here, I think I’m done with it. It’s just too much for me. I mean, ugh…” He rubbed his hand down his face.

I reached over and touched his arm. “That’s fine. If we’re both not comfortable with something we don’t do it. It’s you and me, Chris.”

He smiled at me. “I think it’s weird but we already did it, didn’t we? It’s not going to hurt the baby. I’m fine, but just not the rough stuff. Just fooling around.”

“Tom, can I have a minute?” I asked. He nodded and headed inside.

“Chris, seriously. Why do you want to do it if it’s making you feel weird?” I asked.

Chris shrugged. “I do like it. I like the kink we do. Just with the baby… I’m just a little conflicted. I am still leaning to want to though. I like watching you, Em. A lot.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very.” He leaned over and kissed me.

We both headed inside to find Tom sitting at the kitchen table waiting for us. I went and sat in his lap. His hands slid up my legs to my waist. “We’re okay?” He asked.

“Yes. Thank you for being so patient with us.” I said, leaning against him. He stroked his hand up over my breast so it rested on my throat. His long spidery fingers stroking along my neck

“Of course, Emmy. Whatever you need to feel comfortable.” He purred.

I nuzzled at his throat.

“There was something else, Em,” Chris said.

“Mmm.” I hummed.

“After the wedding I had myself tested. I’m clean. I was talking to Chris, and it’s, of course, your call but …” Tom said.

I started laughing and cut him off. “Oh my god! You’re all like ‘well she can’t get preggers if she already is. Let’s raw dog.’” Chris completely lost it.

Tom laughed and rubbed his hand through his hair. “Well, I wasn’t thinking it in quite such crass terms.”

“Sure. Let’s go nuts.” I said. I started kissing along the line of Tom’s jaw and the hand that he held at my hip moved between my legs.

Chris sat back in the chair and watched us for a little while. They were both still finishing up beers, and we sat in silence. Tom massaged his hand over my crotch, and I nuzzled and kissed at his throat.

When both Chris and Tom had finished drinking Chris got up and took the bottles to the recycling. He then turned and faced us, his arms folded, leaning on the kitchen counter.

“What do you want, Emily?” He asked.

I looked up at him. “I just want to be used,” I said.

His eyes darkened and he smirked. “Nothing overly rough though.”

I pouted. “I know.”

“Upstairs. Take your clothes off. Be kneeling on the floor when we get there.” He ordered.

I got up off Tom’s lap and headed up the stairs. Neither followed. When I got to our room I stripped off my clothing and threw them in the hamper. I knelt on the floor and waited.

They didn’t leave me waiting long. Chris came in followed by Tom. Chris crouched down in front of me and gripped my jaw, tilting my face up toward him. “You’re gonna suck Tom’s cock until I get everything set up for you.”

“Thank you, Chris,” I replied.

Chris got up and Tom stepped in front of me. He’d already pulled his cock out and was stroking it as he walked forward. I opened my mouth and he traced the head over my lips. His hand went to my jaw. “Look at me, darling.” He said.

I fixed my gaze on his eyes as he continued to tease his cock over my lips.

“Hands to yourself and keep looking at me. Can you do that, princess?” He purred.

“Yes, Tom,” I replied.

He pushed into my mouth. I tilted my head back, keeping eye contact with him as he slowly tested my limits. Pushing in and out, each time going further into my throat than before. Each time he pulled back, I’d suck hollowing my cheeks against him. He picked up his speed, really fucking my mouth. I swirled my tongue against his shaft as he thrust into me.

I started having trouble catching my breath and I tried to focus on it. He pulled away from me suddenly and I would have fallen forward except that Chris caught me by the hair.

He pulled me to my feet and shoved me towards the bed. I crawled up onto the mattress and sat back on my knees waiting for instruction. Chris had attached my wrist cuffs to the centre of the bed head. There was lube, washcloths, water and a riding crop on the nightstand.

“On your back in the middle of the bed. Hands above your head.” Chris ordered.

I complied lying back my arms up and together. Chris cuffed me to the bed head.

“You belong to us, do you understand? You only speak when spoken to. You answer all questions. You only come when we give you permission. If you think you’re about to you have permission to say stop. That’s it. All your holes are for us to use. You will not look at the person using you, only the person watching. If you break any of these rules, you’ll be punished. Do you understand?” Chris said.

“Yes, Chris. Thank you.” I answered.

He stepped away from me and I watched him. Tom climbed up between my legs. His fingers teased and stroked over my pussy. He rolled them over my clit and probed them into my cunt. I wanted to close my eyes and enjoy it. That would have been a bad move though, so I kept watching Chris.

Chris was stripping off his clothes, his eyes locked with mine. “Tom’s being very nice to you there, Emily. You should thank him for taking such good care of you.”

“Thank you, Tom,” I said.

Tom moved lining himself up over me. I kept my eyes on Chris and Tom entered me. I clenched my pelvic floor as he thrust and rolled his hips into me. He licked over my breast before taking my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard on it. I moaned and arched up into him.

“You like having another man’s dick in you don’t you, Emily?” Chris purred. He was naked now and just leaning up against the wall stroking himself.

“Yes, Chris.” I moaned.

“That’s because you’re a whore isn’t it?” He growled.

“Yes, I am,” I answered. I felt like I’d just gone into sensory overload. Watching him stroke his cock while he said such degrading things to me. Having to repeat them back to him. Tom fucking me, hitting all my pleasure centres. An orgasm was coming on way faster than I would like. “I’m a dirty slut.”

Tom continued to fuck me as Chris called me names. I was getting off watching him too. He looked fucking amazing. The muscles in his arm tensing and releasing as he stroked himself. The way he leaned up against the all highlighted his abs and his Adonis’ belt. My mouth felt dry and I felt myself coming apart.

“Stop.” I moaned. Tom pulled out and stood up.

“Good girl, Emily.” Chris purred. He approached me picking up the lube from the bedside table.

Tom came and knelt down beside me. He stroked his fingers over my cheek and as he did Chris twisted my legs sideways and poured lube over my arsehole.

Tom started to kiss me and Chris pushed his cock against my anus. Chris pushed back and forth for a moment teasing me and then pushed in. I gasped breaking my kiss with Tom.

“You look very beautiful when you’re fucking Chris, Emily.” Tom purred as his thumb ran over my lip. “You must trust him so much, I envy it. How does it feel to have him your arse like that?”

I groaned. “It feels fucking amazing.” And it did. Holy fuck, when did anal feel this fucking good before?

Tom slid his hand down my stomach and between my legs. He started rubbing my clit. Slowly at first but quickly increasing both speed and pressure. That in tandem with Chris fucking my arse brought me to the edge alarmingly quickly. I called stop and they both pulled away.

This went on for a while. Just them taking turns, bringing me to the edge and then pulling away. They’d always talk to me while the other was fucking me, Tom being gentle and Chris being mean. They’d clean themselves off between goes. The only break I got was if one of them decided I should blow them.

It became exhausting. I wanted to come but I couldn’t even beg them to let me. I just had to wait.

After what felt like an eternity. Chris and Tom must have switched at least ten times each. I have no idea how they had the stamina for it. Chris came and crouched in front of me he offered me some water and I drank it gratefully. Tom had my legs on his shoulders and had started to moan.

“You’ve been so good, baby.” He cooed.

“Thank you, Chris.”

“You ready to come?” He asked.

“Yes, please.”

His hand slid down to my clit and started to rub it while Tom fucked me. I kept eye contact with Chris and he started whispering to me. “I’m so proud of you following the rules like you have. Such a good girl. Keep watching me. I want to see you come, baby.”

I stared into his eyes. It was like I was going to drown in them. I came hard, neither man eased up though. I came again this time Tom came with me. He pulled out quickly and Chris took his place. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he lined his whole body up with mine as he thrust into me.

“Emily, look at me.” He growled.

I turned to look at him.

“Good girl.” He purred. “You’re mine. Don’t forget. I let him use you.”

“Thank you, Chris.” I panted.

“Say it.” He growled.

“I’m yours, Chris. Oh fuck, I’m yours.”

He jerked suddenly and came with a grunt. He collapsed down on me resting his head on my chest. I carded my fingers through his hair.

After a little while, he sat up. “How are you doing there?” He asked kissing my forehead.

“I think you guys broke my vagina,” I said. Tom started laughing.

“You want some ice?” Chris asked. “The doctor said you should avoid hot baths.”

I shrugged. “I’m okay. I’ll have a shower in a minute. Can you both just lie with me?”

“Of course,” Tom said.

They both snuggled up against me. We lay there talking until we started getting hungry. I felt really loved. Chris really loved me, enough that he would do these things for me, and I had this friend in Tom who just put himself out there for me. I didn’t know what I’d ever done to deserve either of them.


	5. Chapter 5

Chris flew off to LA kissing both my lips and my stomach before leaving and making me promise I wouldn’t find out the baby’s sex without him. Tom and I just mostly vegged about. We’d go for a run in the morning, then just kind of hang about the house watching movies or just talking.

The morning of my ultrasound Lisa came and picked me up. The plan was, go look at the jelly bean, have some lunch, come home and nap. Maybe go out to dinner with Tom because the next day we’d both be heading off to other parts of the country.

We drove to the hospital, Lisa was so excited by the time we got there. Maybe even more excited that I was. I guess the grandmother doesn’t usually get to come to these kinds of things.

After waiting a painfully long time in the waiting room for the ultrasound. The tech was young and bubbly and greeted us both enthusiastically. The usual cold gel was squeezed onto my belly and after moving the wand around a bit we could see the baby. It looked way more like a baby than last time. I felt really sad that Chris was missing this. You could see little arms and legs.

“Is that them?” Lisa asked.

“Yeah, look you can see it’s giant head,” I said. “And oh my god little hands.”

The tech’s face grew serious as she moved the machine around. She put on some headphones and then did some button pressing before taking them off and putting the wand down.

“I just want to get the doctor. I’ll be right back.”

I looked over to Lisa. “That’s never happened before,” I said. I started feeling really anxious. Like something wasn’t right.

Lisa took my hand and squeezed it. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

We sat waiting for what felt like far too long but was actually probably only ten minutes. I started getting really worked up. Lisa just kept holding my hand and telling me there was nothing to worry about.

Doctor McKenna came into the room followed by the tech. She greeted me warmly and picked up the wand. She moved the wand around and found Jelly Bean. She turned on the sound and frowned.

“Emily, I’m really sorry, but there’s no heartbeat.” Doctor McKenna said.

I shook my head. “No, but there has to be. This is twenty weeks. We were fine. This was just a checkup.”

She moved the wand and pointed to the spot on Jelly Bean’s chest where the little twitch-twitch of the heartbeat normally showed. “Do you see? You’d normally see the heart beating here.”

I started to cry. “No. No, no, no, no.” I said. “It’s the machine. All the tests were fine.”

“I’m really sorry, Emily.” She said.

“No!” I cried. Lisa jumped to her feet and hugged me. Doctor McKenna handed me some tissues and waited for me to get under control, but I don’t think I really did get myself under control. I just kind of went numb.

She told me because I was so far along I was going to need to have a D&C. I nodded my head. She asked if I wanted to book one for tomorrow. All I could say was ‘Not without Chris’. I wasn’t sure if I meant I couldn’t book one or have one without him.

Lisa went and sorted out the paperwork while I stood in the waiting room surrounded by all these happily pregnant couples. I hated all of them.

On the way home I just stared out of the window. Lisa drove and kept trying to call Chris. It would always go straight to voicemail. She left a couple of messages. She’d wait a few minutes and then try again. I wanted her to stop, but I just had no energy to ask her to do anything.

When we got home, she had to come and open the door for me because I hadn’t even processed the fact the car had stopped. She led me inside, her arm around my waist. Tom was in the living room reading. He looked up and smiled when we came in.

“You’re home earlier than I …” His words cut off when he looked at me. “What’s happened?”

“Emily lost the baby,” Lisa answered. “I can’t get hold of Chris.”

Tom jumped to his feet and dashed over and I fell into him. Clinging to him as he held me. I felt like I should be crying. This is where you cry, isn’t it? I just felt so numb. All I wanted was Chris to be here and tell me what I should be feeling right now.

“If you want to go home you can. I can take care of Emily if you can try and get hold of Chris.” Tom said.

“Emily?” Lisa asked. “What do you want me to do, honey?”

“I just want Chris,” I mumbled into Tom’s chest.

She came up behind me and kissed my cheek. “I’ll get him home. Don’t worry.”

Tom extended his arms and hugged her too. “I’m sorry for your loss too, Lisa.”

Lisa faltered for a moment and I saw her wipe her eyes. “I’ll get Chris.” She said and rushed out the door.

Tom just stood holding me for ages. He is so used to the other person breaking a hug first, that he didn’t know what to do. “Emmy, darling, do you want me to run you a bath?” He asked after a while.

I nodded my head.

He led me upstairs to our main bathroom and turned on the water in the tub. He took one of the bath bombs from the basket on the vanity and I just stood there staring at it as it dissolved fizzing yellow and gold in the water.

“Are you okay for me to leave you alone?” He asked when I didn’t move.

I shook my head.

“Oh, Emmy this isn’t the end. You can try again.” He said wrapping me in his arms. I wanted to yell at him. Tell him that wasn’t the fucking point. My baby had died. A new one wouldn’t replace this one.

“I’m a walking tomb,” I whispered.

He kissed me on the top of my head and then helped me to remove my clothes. I think if he hadn’t done that I would have just stood there until the bath overflowed. He tested the water then helped me step into the tub. I sank into the water my head going under for a moment. And then popped up letting my head rest on the side of the bath.

Tom sat on the edge of the bath and stroked my hair. When it was full he switched the water off.  I think I must have fallen asleep or something. Because the water went from quite hot to stone cold really suddenly, but Tom just remained sitting there watching over me.

He helped me out of the water and pulled the plug. Then wrapped me in a large fluffy towel and led me to the bedroom. He went sorting through my pyjamas and pulled out a pair of flannel ones with comic panels all over them. I let him dress me and put me into bed.

“Do you want anything? Tea? Something to eat?” He asked.

“I just want Chris,” I said.

“I know, darling. Lisa will get hold of him, I’m sure.” He replied rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

“Did we do this, Tom? Was it too rough?” I asked. My voice was coming out monotone. Like I was a robot who wasn’t involved with what was happening.

“I’m sure that can’t be true.” He said, but the tone of his voice didn’t sound as convinced. “I don’t think we were particularly rough. People have sex when they’re pregnant.”

“They don’t have three ways that last hours and hours,” I said.

Tom just shook his head.

“Is Chris going to hate me? Do you think?” I said.

Tom lay down behind me and hugged me, spooning himself tightly against my back. “Of course he won’t. He loves you so much, Emily.”

“But what if it’s my fault? What if there’s something wrong with me?” I said.

“It’s not your fault, Emmy. These things just happen.” Tom said.

I knew on a logical level all these things he was saying were true. Even if he didn’t really know them to be. I have a degree in Biology. I taught biology. I knew scientifically that reproduction often gets messed up. There’s a lot of things that can go wrong. I knew the stats for miscarriage are one in four. That statistically it wasn’t that unlikely that it could happen to me. I knew that generally speaking a fetus is pretty safe from trauma. It has to be bad trauma to set off a miscarriage. The sex I had with Chris and Tom was not rough enough to make my baby’s heartbeat stop. I knew that if we had been too rough to the point of miscarriage that it would have ended painfully and this wasn’t painful. At least not yet. The pain would come later when I had to deliver.

I knew all this but still, I knew this was my fault somehow. I’m not even religious and I knew that for some reason I did this. This was happening because of who I was. That Chris was going to hate me for it. That he’d agree that it was my fault and he wouldn’t want me anymore. I felt like my chest had been ripped open. I wanted so badly to cry. To just scream.

Instead, I fell asleep.

Tom stayed with me. He’d leave for brief periods, to eat. To go make tea. I got up once or twice, mostly just to use the bathroom. Mostly I just slept. East lay beside me and only got up when I did. He’d go outside and then come straight back to my side again when I hopped back in bed.

That night Tom slept in the bed with me, letting me cling to him. Chris arrived home sometime in the very early morning. I woke to Tom climbing out of bed and I rolled over to see where he was going.

“How is she?” I heard Chris ask.

“Not good. I think she might be in shock. She hasn’t cried. Mostly she’s just been sleeping and when she talks…” Tom shook his head.

“Thank you for looking after her, man,” Chris said.

Tom hugged him. “I’m so sorry this happened.”

Chris didn’t say anything. I watched Tom leave the room and looked over to Chris. He started to undress. Stripping off his t-shirt, shoes, and jeans in the dark.

He climbed into bed with me and I wrapped myself around him like an octopus. “Chris,” I said. And finally, the tears came. The first time since the hospital. I sobbed, my chest heaving. I wanted to talk but I couldn’t catch my breath.

“I know, babe. I know.” He said. I could hear in his voice he was crying too. He wrapped his arms tightly around me. Pulling me tightly against his chest.

“We were supposed to be parents.” I cried.

“We are parents, Emily. Jelly Bean is still our baby.” He said, his hand gliding over my stomach.

“Having a baby and being parents is different. I wanted to meet them.”

“So did I. So much,” Chris said. “You should sleep, sweetheart.”

I rolled over and let him hug me from behind. I stroked my hand through East’s fur. “What are we going to do?”

Chris sighed and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “We’ll mourn, and we’ll take our time. And we’ll be kind to each other.”

“You don’t hate me?” I asked.

His arms tightened around me. “Oh, babe. Of course, I don’t.”


	6. Chapter 6

Tom had to leave the following morning. He looked so unsure of what to do, but he had work and really he wasn’t part of this. We made an appointment to have the D&C a few days later. Up until the appointment Lisa basically moved in with us. She came to check up on us the day after Chris got home and saw how much of a mess we were so she made lunch. She didn’t leave again at all that day.

Chris and I cried a lot. It was almost like we were taking turns comforting each other. It was rare that we were both able to be strong at the same time. I was rarely strong at all. Just sometimes it felt like I’d run out of tears.

The day of the appointment was the worst. I struggled filling in the paperwork and every single new person who came to speak to me asked me why I was there. Every time I had to repeat it I’d start crying again. When I told one nurse I was having a D&C she asked me if it was possible I was pregnant. I nearly lost it at that. Having to answer that question nearly broke me.

“Why can’t they just look at my chart?” I sobbed.

Chris held my hand and stroked my hair. “I don’t know. Try not to be too hard on them. They’re just doing their job.”

“I can’t keep going over it again and again.”

“I know. I hate seeing you like this. It will be over soon.” He said, trying to comfort me.

“Will it? After the surgery, I’ll be fixed? I stop being a walking crypt and suddenly I’m all better?” I snapped.

His brow creased and his eyes filled with pain. I wanted to feel bad about what I said but I was too full of grief to feel anything else, let alone guilt. I just turned away from him.

Another nurse came in this time with Doctor McKenna. “We’re going to take her in now, Mr. Evans. She’ll be in surgery for a couple of hours and then post-op for maybe an hour. We’ll call you when she can see you.” Doctor McKenna said. She handed him a bundle of papers. “These are prescriptions for her pain medication. I’d suggest getting those filled while she’s under.”

Chris kissed me on the forehead and then on the lips. His fingers stroked over my stomach and I started to sob again.

“Chris…” I said.

He nodded and squeezed my hand and I watched him stand there crying as they wheeled me out the door.

* * *

I awoke from surgery freaking out and crying. I couldn’t seem to stop and when they tried to reassure me I ended up throwing up. They gave me a sedative to calm me down.

I lay there groggy and crying, just wanting to be with Chris again. Eventually, they wheeled me to observation and Chris came in. He looked broken. He sat down next to me and held my hand while he leaned his head on the mattress of my bed.

“I wanna go home, Chris,” I whispered.

“Gotta wait ‘til they say it’s okay, babe.” He replied. He sighed and sat back in the chair. “I went out while you were in surgery.”

“What? Why?” I asked.

Chris shook his head. “I wanted to take a walk. There was a tattoo place, so I got one. Doesn’t matter. When I got back there was press here. Outside.”

I started chanting ‘no’ under my breath. He stroked my hair and gave my hand a squeeze. “I know. I’m sorry I brought this here.”

“What is wrong with them? Why can’t they leave us alone?” I cried.

“I’m sorry. We’ll bring the car right up. I - I’m sorry.” He said.

We were there for another hour or so and finally discharged. An orderly wheeled me to the entrance of the hospital while Chris went and got the car. When he pulled up he jumped out and flanked me, blocking me as best he could from the photographers as I got into the car. I broke down in tears again and cried most of the way home in that body shaking, complete loss of control way that happens. My loss was going to be in the tabloids. People were going to gossip about why we were there. Chris’ slutty wife getting plastic surgery or having an abortion of something. I don’t know how I was going to get through this. I was sick of people talking about me.

When we got home Chris supported me inside. I went and took a shower and dressed in my pajamas and just hopped into bed. Chris came in holding a tray. “Ma made you this.” He said placing the tray beside me on the bed. There was soup and crackers and tea.

“Can I eat this?” I asked. I don’t know why that was the question I went with. Default habit maybe?

“Yeah, it’s just vegetables,” Chris answered. “You okay, babe?”

I shook my head. “I can’t even remember what okay feels like. I thought I’d already lived through the worse thing that I could go through. Now I hurt. I hurt from the loss, I hurt from the surgery. I hurt because I couldn’t even have our pain just between us.”

Chris lay down on his back staring up at the ceiling. “This is all fucked.”

I started eating and Chris just lay there beside me. “Sorry,” I said.

“What for?”

“All of this. I feel like a failure.” I said.

“This wasn’t your fault, Emily,” Chris said, sighing.

I shook my head. “What if it was?”

Chris sat up and moved the tray off the bed and he wrapped his arms around me. I sunk into him. “This is just a shitty thing that happened. We can’t blame ourselves as much as we might want to. We have to just move forward.”

We lay wrapped around each other for a little while before I sat up again. “Can I see your new tattoo?”

Chris let me go and pulled his shirt up. It still had the clear bandage on it. It was really tiny and located just under his left pec. “I dunno if you’re gonna be able to see so well yet. Can’t take this off until tonight.”

I could vaguely see a weird little green shape. “What is it?”

He ran his hand over his head. “Jellybean.”

“Oh, Chris.” And I was crying again. This time for him and everything he’d just lost. All the happiness he’d been riding on that had suddenly been switched off. The excitement about his family starting. The list of names he’d already started drawing up. How he’d started singing to my stomach and how he kissed it all the time. That was all gone overnight for him.

“We can try again. I know that. But it won’t be the same. I just wanted to keep them with me.” Chris said. He wanted me to understand why he’d do that. Like somehow I was judging him for it, or I didn’t get it.

“I know. It’s really nice, Chris. I love it. I love you. I wish this had been different.”

Chris sighed and kissed me. “Me too. It is what it is though. We still have each other.”

We did. I still didn’t know what I’d done to deserve him. I was grateful that I did.


	7. Chapter 7

Chris spent two weeks with me in Boston and then we both flew to LA so he could get back to work on ’ _Many a Splendid Thing’._ I still felt sad most of the time. I started seeing my therapist. The hospital called with the tests they’d run saying our baby had been a boy. That it was just one of those genetic abnormalities that happen. One in four chance. Don’t blame yourself. You can try again in four weeks if you want to.

None of that helped. I was broken. I was pregnant and excited and now I wasn’t either of those things.

Chris seemed to move on faster than me. Not that I resented that. I know he was devastated. I think he was just better at compartmentalising than I was. He had work to do. He needed to do it. I, on the other hand, had nothing now. Except him. I started putting the next steps in place for me to have work in Boston. I needed something.

The tabloids were harsh. There was a lot of speculation over what procedure I’d just had. They seemed to think it was probably plastic surgery. The ‘fans’ seemed to like to think I’d had an abortion because I’d cheated on him before the wedding.

We went back to Boston for Christmas. Being around Chris’ family was a weird sort of torture. Carly said she was pregnant again. Seeing Chris with Miles and Ethan. All the 'we’re so sorry’s and 'it will happen’s killed me. Then when I just went to Chris’ room and slept I felt guilty. It was like there was no right move for me. I was destined to be miserable.

I went in for a follow-up exam in LA after six weeks. Chris was still filming, so it made sense to just be living there for the time being. I had them put a birth control implant back in. I wasn’t ready to try again and I wanted to make sure that it only happened on my own terms. Chris went with me and the look of disappointment on his face when I said that’s what I wanted to do. We hadn’t been talking about it. I just found it too hard. Anytime someone even said baby it made me break down.

We got home and I went and collapsed on the couch face down. Chris made sandwiches for us and brought them out on a tray with tea. East tried to get up on the couch with me, but couldn’t quite do it. Chris lifted him so he was on my legs.

“What’s going on, buddy?” He said, scratching East’s head.

“He’s slowing down. Aren’t ya, pal. You’re an old dogger.” I said, reaching behind me and patting him.

“Fuck,” Chris said. He flopped down on the recliner.

“What’s wrong? I asked, rolling over and looking at him.

"Just, don’t want to think about that.” He muttered. “Fuck.”

I slipped my legs out from under East and got up, climbing into Chris’ lap. “He’s probably got lots of years to go. I know death is kind of right at the front of our minds, but he’s old. You can be old for a long time.”

“Emily. Do you not want to try to have kids again?” Chris asked.

I started at the sudden change of subject. “Of course I do. I want us to have kids more than anything. But I’m not ready now. How can you be ready yet?”

He shook his head. “I - I dunno. I guess I’m not. But you could have gone on the pill.”

“I got pregnant on the pill. I need to do it on my own terms next time. I need to make sure I’m taking the vitamins, and eating right, not drinking or smoking pot, and not fucking Tom. Mostly I need to make sure I don’t feel like I’m trying to replace Jelly Bean with a new kid. I need to move on from this first. I can’t be mourning and not feel the excitement of getting ready for a new baby because I’m still sad about losing the first one. It was our son, Chris.” I started crying again, like I always did when we spoke about babies now.

His hand went to my hair and he opened and closed his fist. His fingers massaging my scalp. “I know he was.”

“I just need time, okay? The implant means I know I’m gonna get it.”

Chris pulled me into a kiss. I gave myself to it completely. He dominated me. Holding my head in place as he attacked my mouth with his. He pulled my hair, pulling my head back from him.

“Are you okay to?” He asked.

“Yes. God can we, please?” I answered.

“Let’s go to the bedroom. I don’t want to just have awkward couch sex.” He said.

I got to my feet and he followed me down to the bedroom. As soon as we were inside the door he grabbed me pulling my dress off over my head. He lunged at me, kissing me ferociously as I scrambled to unbutton his red plaid shirt.

His mouth moved to my neck and I let my head fall back, my eyes closed. “Chris, you should punish me.” I moaned.

“Not this time, Em.” He murmured, not lifting his lips from my skin.

“But I let you down. I deserve it.”

Chris pulled away from me. “What?” He said looking down on me.

I didn’t want him to look at me like that, so I pushed myself back up against him and started to kiss a trail down his chest. “I let you down. And I’m sorry. But you should punish me. I deserve to be punished.” I said as I moved down his body.

“Emily…” Chris sighed.

I pulled away from him. “I’ll get the cane. You can cane me.”

I started walking to our closet and he grabbed my wrist. “Stop it, Emily.”

“I let you down. I deserve it.” I said again, looking up at him.

“You didn’t let me down, babe.” He said, softly.

I don’t know what happened, but I was suddenly so angry. I was angry at him for not being mad at me. I was angry at myself. I was angry at the whole world. This wasn’t fair. I shoved him. “Punish me!” I yelled.

“Em…”

I shoved him again and he grabbed my wrists pinning them behind my back and dragged me into his arms.

“Honey, you didn’t let me down. Even if I did feel that way, that’s not how we do this. We don’t take out our feelings on each other like that. That’s supposed to be fun.” He soothed, holding me tightly against his chest.

I started crying. “It’s not fair.”

“Whoever told you life was fair?” Chris asked.

I shook my head. “Aren’t you mad though? I’m so angry.”

Chris walked me over to the bed and we both sat down. “Of course I am. Not with you. With the universe. The fact that these shitty things can happen for no reason. I can’t take my anger at the universe out on you. It doesn’t change anything anyway. I still love you. I still want us to have kids. I still think about our wedding day and remember it being the best day of my life.”

“Your therapist is better than mine.” I sniffed.

He laughed. “Well, I’ve been seeing him for longer than you’ve been seeing yours.”

I put my hand on his thigh. “Do you still want to have sex?”

“Fuck yes. You know what it feels like to have your pussy tighten up around my dick?” He growled.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Yeah, neither do I. It’s been six weeks and I forget. I bet it’s amazing.” He pounced on me, pushing me back into the mattress. I squealed and he tickled me as he kissed and nipped at my throat.

“Stop, Chris!” I squealed, kicking my legs in an attempt to struggle out from under him.

“Oh, you don’t like that?” He teased, easing up his tickling. He crawled down my body and pulled my breast free from my bra. His tongue circled my nipple. “What about this?”

“Mmm… yeah, I like that okay.” I hummed.

He took my nipple into his mouth and sucked hard as he pulled back off again. “Only okay?” His hand slid down my stomach and into my panties, his fingers teasing over my clit. “How 'bout this? This better.”

My scalp tingled, and I squirmed a little under him. “Yes.” I squeaked. I reached behind my back awkwardly and unhooked my bra. “Chris?” I said as I pulled my bra free.

He’d gone back to sucking on my breast and he hummed in way of acknowledgment.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, babe.” He replied. He picked me up, shifting me into the middle of the bed. “Now let’s see about pleasuring my wife shall we?”

“You’re a nerd.”

Chris grabbed my panties and yanked them down. “That’s not very nice.” He slid his fingers up my folds, flattened his tongue and lapped a stripe upwards from my entrance to my clit.

“I never said I was - oh fuck, Chris.” I moaned.

Chris started laughing against me as he swirled his tongue over my clit. I dug my heel into his back and he sat up. “Alright, that’s it!” He said and flipped me over. I squealed again and his hands went to my arse. He pushed my cheeks apart and his tongue swirled over my arsehole.

I moaned, clutching at the headboard. “This is a terrible punishment, Chris.”

He slapped me. It wasn’t hard, just one of those moves where he cupped his hand and it made a loud noise. I squeaked and kicked at him again.

He dug his fingers into my cheeks and lapped at me, from my cunt to my arse. Each time his tongue touched on my arsehole it pressed in a little more. He moved a hand to my cunt and pushed two fingers inside of me. He slowly slid them in and out while he used his thumb to massage my perineum. I bit down into the sheets as pressure built in my core.

He started to crawl up my body. His tongue stayed on my skin until he reached my shoulder. He bit me, then pushed himself up onto his knees. I felt his cock slide up and down my crevice.

“Chris. Please.” I breathed.

His lips touched my shoulder again, but he didn’t say a word. He just kept teasing me with his cock.

I went to move against him and he pressed down on the small of my back and pulled his cock away. I whined and he grabbed me by the hips pulling me so I was on my knees. One hand went to my hair, bunching it into a fist and he used the other to guide himself into my cunt.

It had been so long, and I’d missed it so badly that I sighed loudly as he filled me. “Thank you, Chris.” I murmured.

He gave me a moment to relax. I felt my own body adjust. My core muscles tightening and then releasing. He started to thrust.

I came undone. My whole body seemed to lose control. My legs started to shake and my arms felt weak. I wanted to press my face into the mattress but he held me in place by my hair. That somehow made it worse. Or better. His thumb went to my arsehole and he pushed it inside. I moaned and tensed around him as he fucked me and probed at my arse. I came quickly and hard. He pulled out of me as it washed through me.

He let my hair go and my arms collapsed. I barely had time to take a breath and he pushed down on my back, pushing me so I was lying face down on the mattress. He pried my arse cheeks apart again and spat. It hit my arsehole, pooling against it.

“Fuck. Chris?” I groaned.

He pressed his cock against my arsehole. He shifted so his whole body was pressed against mine. His lips grazed onto the side of my throat. “What’s wrong, baby girl?” He purred.

“I love you so much. I need you so much.” I replied.

He pushed into my arse. I moaned and clenched my pelvic floor. As Chris thrust into my arse, he kissed and nipped at my throat and the back of my neck. He’d run his tongue up my spine and whisper in my ear. He’d tell me how he loved me. How I was such a good girl. How much he loved fucking me. It made my scalp prickle and my head feel fuzzy. I slid a hand down between myself and the mattress and began rubbing my clit.

Chris reached around to my face his fingers tracing over my lips. I nipped at them and started sucking on them. A second orgasm built and crashed down over me. My whole body clenched up. As it did, Chris’ hand went to my throat and his fingers dug into my skin. “Stay like that.” He growled.

His thrusting picked up. I stayed tensed around him. If I relaxed at all, he slapped or pinched me and I’d tense again harder than before. He came inside of me, his cock pulsing. I relaxed and he slipped out of me and collapsed down on the bed.

I rolled over and lay my head down in the crook of his arm. “Fuck I needed that.” I sighed.

“Yeah, me too.” He sighed, kissing me on the head.

We lay like that for a minute before I sat up and patted him on the chest. “I’m going to have a shower. You may wanna go have a protein shake because in about 20 minutes I’m coming for you.”

Chris threw back his head laughing. “You’re on. He said. 


	8. Chapter 8

After Chris finished up with  _‘Many a Splendid Thing’_ we just stayed in LA. We didn’t even discuss it. Neither of us even brought it up. I know for me, I just wasn’t ready. We bought a house to be our family house, to raise kids in, and now it was just a reminder of what we’d lost. I was also not ready to be around his family doing family things yet. Being in LA meant I could pretend just for a little while that’s not what our plans were. That our plans were just to hang about being the way we’d always been in LA.

I guess maybe Chris felt the same way. Like I said. We didn’t talk about it. Maybe not the best way to relationship. I just - I struggled.

I did sort out my future work. I received a research grant that was impressively funded. It paid my salary, the salary for two other postdocs and for equipment and other things needed. With all that, Harvard welcomed me into their University with open arms. All they needed to do was provide some empty offices and they had money and their names on future papers from a scientist that had already made a name for herself in the early part of her career. It was like Christmas had come early for them.

When I told Chris, he wasn’t as excited as I thought he would be.

“What the fuck, Emily? Why didn’t you tell me?” He snapped.

“I wasn’t sure it would work. I also thought you’d be happy. It’s a job near our new house. Isn’t that a good thing?” I said. I was completely perplexed at this reaction.

He got up and stormed outside. I followed after him. He stopped by the door and patted his jacket. Swore. Stormed back inside and reemerged with a packet of cigarettes. He fumbled with them, swore again. Finally got one out and then realised he didn’t have a lighter.

“Fuck!” He shouted, slamming the packet of cigarettes on the pavement.

“What the fuck, Chris? What are you doing?” I asked. I felt a little scared. Not of him. For him. I had no idea what was going on in his head.

“I just want a fucking cigarette. Is that too much to fucking ask?” He shouted. I went to the little pot we kept matches in for lighting the barbeque when the switch was being a dick or I used to light joints with from time to time. I lit one and cupped my hand, holding it out to him. He leaned forward, lighting his cigarette and taking a large draw, before collapsing against the wall with his eyes closed.

“What are you doing, Chris?” I repeated, putting the matches back in their little hidey hole.

“I thought you said you were going to not work and just follow me around?” He said.

“For a year yes. That year is nearly up. I thought you liked my job.” I said.

“I do.”

“What is it then? Is it Boston?”

Chris pushed himself off the wall and started pacing. I stepped in front of him.

“You were supposed to have a baby by July.” He said, not looking me in the eye. “We were supposed to be parents.”  
I tilted his head to face me. The mention of babies had done that thing where I was pretty sure I was about to burst into tears again. “I - I don’t know what to say to that.”

He went and sat down on at the outdoor setting. “I thought you’d want to try again.”

I stared at him for a minute trying to talk my own emotions into not going into full meltdown again. “I do. We already talked about this though. And I can’t just do nothing until I’m ready. I can’t just only be your wife.”

“What’s wrong with being my wife?” He muttered.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” I threw my hands in the air and went back inside. I made a beeline for the bedroom and fell face first into the mattress.

Chris appeared in the door a little later. “Sorry.” He said.

I didn’t answer.

He came and sat on the bed and rested his hand on my thigh. “It feels really permanent. Like you’ve given up on the idea of us being parents.”

I scooted away from him and buried my head under the pillows. I had started crying and I didn’t want him to see.

“You’re not even going to talk about it?” He said.

“You know I’m not giving up. I can’t talk about it anymore. It kills me a little every time I talk about it.” I cried.

“Can you just tell me this. How long do we have to wait? If you start this job, is it three more years? Is that why you had the implant put in?” He said.

I sat up and glared at him. “I will take exactly as long as I need to take. Stop being such an irrational baby over this. I can take the implant out, I can go on maternity leave. Me having a job will be good for me. You have work. I only have you and the constant reminder that I let you down. If I can just be productive again, I might be able to move on from this. Right now it’s  _all_ I have to think about.”

“You didn’t let me down.” He whispered.

“You keep saying that. So why do I keep feeling like I did? Why is every decision I make to help me deal with my grief something we end up fighting about?”

Chris sighed and lay across the bed hugging my lap. “I’m sorry. I’m struggling too.”

I stroked my fingers through his hair. “I know. You said yourself. We need to be kind to each other. And patient. Might just need to remind ourselves of that.”

“I can’t believe I had a cigarette. It’s been like four months.” Chris groaned.

“Yeah, and you’re definitely brushing your teeth before you kiss me,” I said.

He rolled off me and got up. “Fucking fine then.” He said. But walked off laughing.

* * *

That night we lay in bed reading. Chris was going over his script of the new Captain America movie which started filming next month. It was mostly just being made in LA, which was nice for a change. Some stuff was out of state but it was nice he’d be able to come home to his own bed.

I put my own book down and started to kiss along his collarbone. He had gone to bed in pajama pants but no shirt, and I drew circles in his chest hair with the tips of my fingers. I gazed up at him and he looked down at me over the top of his glasses.

“What'cha doin’ there, princess?” He said.

“Did you just call me princess?” I asked.

“I sure did. What’re you gonna do about it?”

I dug my fingers into his side and he squawked and squirmed away from me, grabbing me by the wrists. “Okay, no princess. I get it.”

“Do you think maybe we can get rough tonight?” I asked.

He smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’m honestly up for anything. I just like doing it.”

Chris put his script on the bedside table and was about to take his glasses off. “No, leave them on,” I said.

He smiled and got out of bed. “Come on then, missy.”

I got out of bed and followed him into the walk in. The walk-in closet of our new place in LA was kind of ridiculous. I’m pretty sure the bedroom I had at my parent’s last house wasn’t as big as this closet. It had rails around the walls and a floating island in the middle that was all drawers.

Chris stretched a little when he got in the door and then turned to me. “Take off your top.” He said.

I did as I was told, throwing my cami into the laundry hamper while Chris went to one of the drawers. He pulled out these long leather cuff things. They looked about a foot long and were covered in buckles.

“Hands out.” He said. I held out my arms and he attached the cuffs to them. They went from my wrists to my elbows. “Okay?” He asked

“Yes, thank you,” I answered.

He turned me away from me and pushed me towards the door of the closet. When we reached the door he raised one hand above my head and attached it to a hook built into the top corner of the door frame. He then repeated the action on the other arm. He went back to the draw and returned with more cuffs. This time he cuffed my ankles to each side of the door.

He stood up and pressed his body against mine. His hands slid up my chest and he squeezed my breasts, pinching my nipples. “I like you in this position.” He purred. He stepped away from me and returned a moment later, once again pressing up against me.

His hands cupped and stroked my breasts, pinching and pulling at my nipples. I hummed and his tongue started to tease my earlobe. “You like that don’t you?” He purred.

“Yes, thank you, Chris.”

“Oh, you’re being such a good girl tonight. So rare I get to see sweet Emily.” He said. His breath felt hot against my neck, but somehow it still made me shiver. “I know how much you love your tits being played with. They’ve always been kind of sensitive, haven’t they? I wonder how you’ll feel about this.”

He pulled on my left nipple and clipped a clamp onto it. It stung like crazy and I sucked air in hard over my teeth. When he let it go, a little weight fell and dragged down, pulling the pain out through my breast more, so it ached right through it. He repeated the process on my right nipple.

“Ow, fuck, Chris,” I whined. I couldn’t believe how much it hurt. I’d always been kind of afraid to use nipple clamps. They’d never been a hard limit or anything. It was just something I wasn’t sure of. Fuck, now I knew why.

“Oh poor, baby. Does it hurt?” He teased.

“Yes,” I said, squirming.

“Say thank you.”

“Thank you, Chris,” I whined.

“Good girl.” He stepped away from me again. This time when he returned he spread my arse cheeks apart and squeezed lube between them. Cold steel touched the lips of my pussy and he ran what I was sure was a butt plug up and down my folds before pushing it into my cunt. He slowly fucked me with it, slicking the steel with my own fluids.

He pulled it from my pussy and pressed it against my arsehole. Slowly he slid it into my arse. He held it at the widest point letting it stretch me out before pushing it right in. Only to then pull it out. I started to whimper as my arsehole was stretched and released. Finally, he pushed it in and left it. A low burn spread through me.

Chris stepped away from me again and when he returned he slipped a small bullet vibe into my panties, switched it on and pressed it against my clit, using my underwear to keep it in place.

I moaned as the buzz sent little waves through me. Chris disappeared for so long. Just shuffling around behind me. I had no idea what he was doing. At one point he let out a long low moan. It was like it was coming from some other place on the planet. Right here I was torn between this low ache in my arms and breasts, and the slow edging closer and closer to orgasm.

Finally, he came up close behind me again. His hand slid down my back and around my waist. He reached into my panties and switched the vibe off.

“Did you like that, baby girl?” He asked.

“Yes. Thank you, Chris.” I sighed.

“Good, girl. So polite.” Chris purred. “Almost makes me sorry for what you have coming. Almost.”

He stepped back and suddenly I was struck across my back. He’d hit me with a flogger. Each individual strip hitting me in a different spot. My skin stung and burned and before I even had a chance to react he did it again.

I cried out and he hit me again. Strike after strike. Always in the same place. My whole back was on fire. Tears leaked from my eyes, and I started begging him to stop. That I was good.

There was a pause in my punishment and he stepped up behind me, his body against mine, his mouth against my ear. I realised he was naked and hard. His erection pressed against my skin.

“You had better shut the fuck up, Emily or I’m going to gag you.” He growled.

“I’m sorry, Chris. Thank you, Chris.” I babbled.

“That’s better.” He growled. “You’re going to get five more of these. After that, if you’re good I’ll fuck you. If you’re really good I’ll let you come.”

He stepped behind me again and struck me. I clenched my jaw. I was nothing but pain now. I don’t think he’d broken skin, but I felt like I was an exposed nerve. That I’d been flayed. He took his time with each remain strike. Hit. Pause. Hit. Pause. I was silently sobbing. My face wet with tears. When the final strike hit he stepped back and his hand ran down my skin. Soothing the burn.

“Thank you, Chris,” I whispered.

“You’re most welcome.” He purred.

He dropped the flogger to the floor and his hand slid back into my panties, toying with my clit. “You’re so wet, Emily. You liked that didn’t you?”

All I could do was moan in reply.

Chris removed his hand and tore my panties, throwing the ruined fabric to the side. He then pulled my hips back. It stretched my arms out uncomfortably but not so badly that I thought I could actually get hurt and he entered me. He fucked me hard. Each thrust pressed on the plug giving me his vague sensation like I was being fucked in both holes.

The whole time he fucked me he kept his fingers digging into my hips. The little weights on the nipple clamps swung back and forward. I moaned and I don’t know whether it was in pain or from pleasure. My senses were overloaded and confused. Chris, however, was completely coming apart. He moaned and grunted. He gripped at my hips.

“Oh fuck yes, Em.” He panted. “So good. You’re so good for me.”

He pulled out suddenly, and hot come splattered over my arse. “Good, girl. Always such a pleaser. Would you like to come now?”

“Yes. Please, Chris.” I whimpered.

Chris stepped away from me and the sound of the Hitachi Magic Wand filled the closet. He pressed it against my clit and almost immediately I came. My orgasm took hold of my whole body and I cried out. Chris didn’t take the vibe away though. So I just kept climaxing. Again and again. My legs shook with them and I couldn’t hold myself up. I was being supported only by my arms, and my muscles screamed out at me.

“Red. Red. Chris.” I moaned.

Chris immediately turned the vibe off and dropped it to the ground. He wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me up so my arms weren’t being pulled. “Okay, babe. I got you. You done now?”

“Yes. I’m okay. Just, I can’t… I can’t…” I panted.

He kissed my neck. “It’s fine. You did really well.” He unhooked my arms from the door and repeated with my legs. Then lifted me from the floor and carried me to the bed. He lay me on my side and while he gently rubbed my breast with one hand he eased the plug from my arse. He then reached behind him and pulled one from him with a deep moan.

I started giggling. “You were wearing a plug the whole time?”

“Yeah. I told you. I’m kinda into butt stuff right now.” He said. He sat on the bed and pulled me up so I was sitting against him and started rubbing my breasts. He kneaded the flesh, evening out the blood flow in them. It felt like heaven and I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest. “Tell me when you think these are ready to come off.”

I let him rub me and then nodded. He unclipped one clamp. “Owww,” I whined as the pain suddenly flared up again as blood rushed into my nipple.

“Shh… I know.” Chris soothed, rubbing my breast vigorously.

“No, you don’t,” I whined. He started to laugh.

He repeated the process on my other breast and then unbuckled the cuffs from my arms and legs.

“Okay, I’m going to run you a bath and then clean up. You want me to bring you tea?” He asked.  

“Yes please.”

Chris went about his aftercare. Putting me in the bath and getting me tea. After my bath he rubbed lotion into my back, soothing my burning skin and releasing the tension in my muscles.

“How are you feeling there, Em?” He asked as his hands worked over my shoulders.

“Mm… really good. This was exactly what I needed.” I hummed.

“Yeah, me too. It’s been a while since we just let ourselves go like that.” He said.

He stopped rubbing my shoulders and lay down, switching off the light. I curled up against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart and the gentle rhythm of his breathing.

“I love you, Chris.” I murmured.

“I love you too, Em.” 


	9. Chapter 9

Chris started filming the new Captain America movie. They were calling it ‘Freezer Burn’. It was mostly being filmed in LA. Which made things really easy for us. It was almost like he had a regular job. He often worked very late, but he always came home every night. He was really enjoying it too. Sebastian was in it. So was Scarlett. He was loving the directors and how physical it was.

I was getting really excited about starting work again. Because I could hire two postdocs to work under me I offered one position to Gaby. She said yes, and now getting back to work was almost all I wanted to do.

In the meantime, I decided to just make the best of being responsibility free. I got back into free running. I liked doing it down near the beach best of all. I took up pole dancing.

I would go into set with Chris and lie out on a sunbed outside his trailer messing about on my laptop. I’d gotten into reading fanfiction about Chris. I don’t really know why even. I just found it really fun. Sometimes it was super funny, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes sexy. It had just become a weird distraction from the things that had been weighing me down.

I was sitting out in the sun one day reading something when Sebastian came offset. He wore this leather armour with multiple straps running along his chest and had a fake metal arm. He was so scruffy too. I was not used to seeing him like this. He was super hot.

He wandered overdoing the little knife tricks he was constantly practicing. He really looked quite intimidating. Something else I did not normally associate with Sebastian Stan.

“Hey, Ems. Whatcha up to?” He asked, pulling up the deck-chair next to mine.

I pulled the laptop closer to me so he couldn’t see the screen. “Nothing,” I said, dragging the word out.

Sebastian started laughing. “That is the look of someone who just got busted looking at porn.”

“I’m not!” I squeaked.

“Liar. Go on. Show me the porn.” Sebastian teased.

“It’s not porn. Trust me. I’d happily share porn with you.” I laughed.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at me. “So what are you hiding?”

I groaned. “Okay, but it’s super embarrassing.” I turned my computer to face him. “I like to read fanfiction about Chris.”

Sebastian threw his head back laughing. He took the computer from me and started reading the fic. “Oh my god. This is horrific. Did they just call a vagina a wet pocket?”

I started laughing hysterically. “Yes. Oh god. That one is bad. She writes really rapey Chris too. I kinda read it more for the cringe. But there are some good ones. I kinda like seeing how people see Chris as being in real life.”

“How come you started reading them?” Sebastian asked, still flicking his eyes over the fic in front of him.

I shrugged. “I guess with what’s happened, I just wanted to read about a Chris who was getting the things he wanted.”

Sebastian put the laptop on the ground and leaned over and hugged me. “I’m sorry.”

I returned the hug just briefly and pushed him away. “Nope,” I said. “Sorry. Can’t go there right now.”

Sebastian gave my hand a quick squeeze. “You should share some with me. I love seeing what fans get up to.”

I started laughing again. “You’ll regret that. There are a bunch about you and Chris.”

“Now I really want to read them.”

And that’s how Sebastian and I became friends outside of Chris. We started sending each other fanart and fanfics. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Often porn. It was like we were trying to outdo each other. Sometimes we were clearly sending them because we were trying to embarrass each other. That would have been slightly easier to do for me simply because there were much more Sebastian Stan works than Emily ones. It would have been if Sebastian was embarrassed by anything. Sometimes we just sent them because we really just liked them. It was our thing.

In April there were the MTV movie awards. I went with Chris and ended up sitting between him and Tom. They both kept teasing me a lot. In the good way. Tom had to be particularly subtle. It was one thing for Chris to be playing with my knee. Totally something else for Tom to do it. Toms’ knuckles were often brushing up on the outside of my leg. Sometimes I’d even feel his fingers under my thigh.

We’d thought we might do something with each other that night. But we all ended up just getting stupid drunk and passed out.

Chris had to do a little bit of press for 'The Iceman’. Not a lot, and it was all in LA. One of the things was an interview on 'The Tonight Show’.

Chris and I slept late on the day of the interview. Interviews meant a day off shooting, which meant he didn’t have to go in at the crack of dawn. I woke to his fingers languidly trailing up and down my back. I hummed and rolled onto my stomach more.

Chris chuckled. “Good morning, sleepy.”

“How do you know it’s good?” I mumbled.

“Because I’m still here with you instead of being squeezed into a costume,” Chris answered. He sat up and his hands slid up and down my back.

“I like the costume for this one. It’s hot.” I murmured.

“Yeah, I like it too.” He said. His lips touched my middle back, and I squirmed a little.

He slowly woke me up with soft gentle touches along my back and over my arse. I started to tingle all over and I spread my legs. Chris stroked down between them, teasing over my pussy for a moment and then slowly fingered my clit.

The overwhelming urge to have him in my mouth swept over me. I rolled onto my back and sat up, reaching forward and stroking his cock through his boxers.

I leaned into him and trailed my tongue up his neck, “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

Chris’ muscles clenched suddenly and he squirmed as they relaxed. “That sounds the worst.”

He stood and I lay back on the bed, my head hanging over the edge. Chris dropped his boxers and stood over over me I took his cock in my hands and ran my tongue up his length. I teased the head of his dick over my lips and he put both his hands on my jaw. His thumbs slid over my lips and pushed my mouth open. I licked them and the tip of his cock.

“Open up, baby girl.” Chris purred.

I opened wide and tipped my head back. Chris pushed his cock into my mouth. He leaned forward and put one hand on the mattress. The other he slipped into my panties and he rolled his fingers over my clit as he thrust into my mouth.

In the position I was in I could take him much deeper into my throat that I could sitting upright.  He took full advantage. Each thrust was to the hilt. I sucked hard when he pulled back and swirled my tongue around his shaft when he pushed forward.

As he fingered me, I started finding it really hard to catch my breath. I released him from my mouth and took a huge breath in and released it in a low moan as a shudder ran through me.

To give my throat a break I started lapping my tongue over his balls and between his legs. I took his cock and pressed it between my breasts so as he was now fucking them. He reacted strongly. He moaned loudly and started panting. His hands stilled at my pussy and he moved it so it was gripping my thigh.

I lapped up his perineum, further and further until my tongue was sliding over the tight ridges of his arsehole. I pushed my tongue in, just a little and he tightened around it.

“Oh, Jesus.” He groaned, his fingers digging into the muscle of my thigh. “Em… I can’t… I’m gonna…”

I didn’t ease up. My tongue pushed in and out of his arse as I squeezed my tits around his cock. Precome leaked onto my skin, lubricating his path. He jerked forward suddenly and came. Shooting white threads over my chest and stomach. His cock pulsed against my skin and he stood his head falling forward, panting above me.

“Fuck, Em.” He groaned.

“Liked that, didya?” I said and tapped his leg. “Get off me. The view isn’t great.”

Chris burst out laughing and stepped away. I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. Chris moved up close to me but I held him back, standing up.

“You don’t want me to get you off?” He asked.

“Not here. I wanna have a shower and brush my teeth.” I said.

Chris grinned sheepishly and ran his hand up the back of his head. “Right.”

We both headed to the main bathroom. We’d had it modelled like the one from his old house. I turned on a few of the heads and stepped under the spray. Chris handed me my toothbrush and I brushed my teeth. As soon as I put it down he was on me, pressing me up against the wall. His mouth dominating mine. He ground against me, his cock hardening against me.

“Shit, already.” I laughed as he moved his lips to my jaw.

“Always, Em. You always do this to me.” He growled.

I lifted my leg, wrapping it around his waist and he entered me without warning. “Fuck.” I groaned, tightening around him.

Chris fucked me in the shower for what felt like an eternity. Which seems crazy considering how much he hates shower sex. He held me up against the wall as water washed over us and slowly thrust into me. He turned me around and pounded into me from behind his fingers digging small bruises into my hips. He held me off the ground so I was completely wrapped around him and just bounced me on his dick. We finished sitting on the floor of the shower the water cascading down over us. Wrapped around each other.

“Fuck, I feel about ready to go back to bed,” I said, climbing to my feet. I rinsed myself off one last time before switching off the water and hopping out of the shower. Chris followed closely behind me.

“You wanna come to Leno with me?” Chris asked, wrapping his towel around his waist. Fuck he looked amazing like that. I could have jumped him all over again. His body in Cap form. The towel sitting low, and letting his defined abdominals and hip flexors guiding my eyes down to his groin.

“If you need me to,” I answered, heading back to the bedroom.

Chris caught my hand in his and spun me to face him. “I don’t need you to. I thought you might like to.”

I shrugged and pulled a face. “I kinda hate talk shows. They’re always so suck up to guests when they’re there, but they make fun of them in the monologues when they’re not.” I said. “Remember what Leno said about you when that photo of us came out.”

Chris flinched and I squeezed his hand. “I know you don’t love them. The other guest is Kevin Smith though.”

My hands flew to my mouth. “Really?” I squealed. “Do you think he’ll sign my Spider-Man/Black Cats?”

Chris started laughing.

* * *

At the Tonight Show set, I just hung about in the green room with Chris. Jay came and introduced himself as did some producers. We sat and waited through the monologue. Chris went out and I waited in the room watching him on the monitor talking about Boston and riding a motorcycle when I heard the distinctive voice of Kevin Smith in the hall outside.

I got up, grabbing my comics and peeked my head around the corner. He was standing in the hall in his trademark blue and orange hockey jersey. My heart started racing and I seriously considered going back into the green room and waiting for Chris so he could introduce me.

I took a deep breath and walked towards him.

“Excuse me?” I said, feeling like such a complete tool.

“Oh hey. What’s up?” Kevin said.

I kind of started waving my arms around erratically as I spoke pointing at things that weren’t even there. “Hi, so um… my name is Emily. I’m Chris Evans’ wife.” I said. “I’m a massive fan.”

“Of me? You’re married to Captain America.” Kevin said.

I laughed, it sounded weird. Way too loud. “Um… yeah. I’m pretty into comic books. I loved Clerks. But your Spider-Man/Black Cat series was so good. I was hoping you might sign it for me.”

Kevin laughed. “Wow, no one ever asks me to sign these. Thank you.” He took them and the sharpie I had. “To Emily, right?”

“Yeah. Thank you for doing this.”

“Hey, no problem. You don’t need to be shy around me. I’m happy to.” Kevin said.

Kevin signed my comics and I thanked him. He gave me a hug and I went back into the green room and died.

I watched Chris finish up his interview and show the clip for 'The Iceman’. Then Kevin came out.  He and Chris hugged and Jay asked him how he was.

“I’m great, man. I got hugged by Captain America.” He said. “This is kind of a cruel thing though, man. When you’re on the Tonight Show, it’s a high honour. Especially for a kid who grew up watching television. I have the body to prove it. But when you get on the Tonight Show, this is gonna be awesome because every ex-girlfriend I ever had now has to reevaluate me. They sit there and go, I regret letting him go. And then you put me next to Captain America, dude. That’s tough. That’s tough to sit next to a man that attractive. It’s like Captain America and the real America.”

Chris started laughing in that way that takes over his whole body. I loved seeing him do that in interviews. It meant he was relaxed.

“Oh hey. I met your wife backstage.” Kevin said, tapping Chris on the arm.

Chris looked up in surprise. “You did?”

“Oh yeah. She’s real cute. She came and asked me to sign some comics. I like that the wife of Captain America is a comic book nerd.” Kevin replied.

“I can’t believe she actually came out and talked to you by herself. She always makes me introduce her to the people she likes. And then she won’t even talk. She just squeaks.” Chris said.

“Oh, she was real nervous. I can’t believe Captain America’s wife was star stuck by me. I guess that will make some ex-girlfriends reassess.”


	10. Chapter 10

The next few months passed without anything exceptional happening. Chris’ birthday happened in June and we threw a party. Because it was back at home and not out on set he got very drunk and we both just ended up passing out before any sort of special birthday sex happened.

I was excited to go back to work in August. I was sporadically messaging fanfics and fanart with Sebastian. Tom and I kept up our almost constant stream of shit posting. While Gaby and I were getting more and more excited about her return to the US and living in the same town again.

Before returning to Boston we did Comic-Con again. Chris had to do press the whole time. There was a lot of stuff to do with Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Gaby brought James with her. We cosplayed together again. I went as Loki, Gaby as Captain America and James as Iron Man. What I didn’t realize was that Tom would be dressed as Loki too. We went backstage to the watch the Winter Soldier and Dark World panels and when Tom came down the hall in full regalia Chris and I just about died laughing.

We had a lot of fun. There was a life-sized Han in carbonite and I had Peter S Beagle the author of the Last Unicorn sign an illustrated copy of his book.

Chris and I headed back to LA after the con while Gaby and James went to Boston. We were letting them stay at our place while they looked for one of their own.

Tom was in LA too, but busy with press. We had organised for him to come to dinner on the only free night he had.

They both showed up at around the same time, each with suitcases, which was weird. They are actors though so who the fuck knows what happens with them sometimes? We ate one of those high protein low carb meals that both Chris and Tom get stuck doing when they’re being superheroes.

Even though we had said that we were all fine with sex tonight, none of us were in a rush to start. It was kind of nice actually. We ate and drank beer. Tom and I ganged up on Chris for how awful American beer is. We just generally enjoyed each other’s company.

While we hung out, hands were casually placed on me constantly. On my legs. Slung over my shoulders across the back of the couch. Holding my hand. Each touch got more and more intimate until I was kissing them and their hands were squeezing my breasts and pressing against my underwear.

Chris pulled back from me and stroked his thumb along my jaw. “We have a surprise for you. It’s going to take a little while to get ready. Do you want to go to the bedroom and bring some toys out you might like to use? We won’t go full on sub-Emily tonight, so nothing serious.”

“Okay. How long?” I asked.

“It might take around half an hour to forty-five minutes. You think, Tom?” Chris answered.

Tom nodded in agreement.

“Grab some towels too,” Chris said and smacked me on the butt.

I got up and headed to the bedroom leaving them alone in the living room. I went to the closet and brought out some cuffs, a collar and lead, a riding crop and a paddle. I figured that was enough to cover what they might like to do to me.

I thought I might get dressed up too. I wasn’t sure what they had planned. So I decided to go with a Marvel comics cami with matching boy legged panties. I also put on a thigh-high pair of white tube socks with blue stripes. I did my hair and makeup. Just leaving my hair down and going with a natural look. When I was ready I went and sat on the bed and started to read.

It took Tom and Chris another ten minutes to come in. They came in together and I literally squealed with delight when I saw them. Tom was in his full Loki regalia. He was even wearing a wig. Chris had the Stealth Suit on. I couldn’t believe they’d agreed to let him use it.

I jumped off the bed and ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck and pressing myself tightly against him. “Stevie, you came back.” I squealed.

Chris chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. “You couldn’t keep me away, baby doll.” He leaned down and kissed me.

Tom grabbed me by the hair and dragged me back away from Chris. “I think you’re forgetting who you belong to.” He spat.

“Sorry, Loki.” I whimpered, my body twisted to ease pressure on my scalp.

“Get on your knees where you belong, girl.” He growled, letting my hair go.

I dropped to my knees by his legs.

“Is that really necessary, Loki?” Chris asked.

“She’s forgotten her place. Don’t you forget yours, soldier.” Loki spat. “Who do you belong to, welp?”

“You, Loki,” I replied.

He reached down and caressed my jaw. “And who do you worship?”

“You, Loki.”

“Would you like it if I let the soldier here use you tonight?” He purred.

“Yes, please.”

“Well, I think first the Captain here might need to punish you for touching him without my permission.” Tom strolled over to the bed and lifted the paddle from it. “With this, I think.”

“Loki, you’re going too far. I can’t do that to her.” Chris gasped.

“Oh, you can and you will, Rogers.” Tom crooned. “That is if you want me to let you use her tonight.”

Chris sighed and sat down on the bed. Tom shoved me and I crawled over to Chris. He grabbed a towel and placed it on his lap. Something he’d never done before and I wondered if he was playing Steve and trying to make it more comfortable for me, or protecting the costume because he had to return it.

It climbed into Chris’ lap and lay myself over his thighs. He stroked his hand over my ass. “I’m sorry for this,” Chris said, taking the paddle from Tom. “We can be together. You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

“Please, Steve. Do as he asks. I need you.” I replied. I was so into this game. It was seriously like sub nerd girl heaven.

Chris brought the paddle down on my arse and I hissed through my teeth.

“Relish in the pain, my child.” Tom purred. I looked up at Tom. He was slowly removing his costume. “You earned it.”

Chris struck me again. Tears pricked my eyes and I squeaked. Pain burned across my cheeks. He hit me six more times. One after the other, alternating from one cheek to the other. By the time he set the paddle down, I was freely crying and my arse felt like it was on fire. Chris helped me to me up and I spun in his lap so I was facing him and straddling his thigh. I started to grind on him. Pushing myself down into the muscles of his leg. I ran my hands over his uniform as I did.

Chris started fingering my clit. “Oh god, Captain.” I moaned.

“That’s it, doll. Call me captain.” Chris growled.

I moved harder and faster against his thigh. The whole time just staring at the star on his chest. Taking in the fine details on the costume. Chris’ fingers worked against my clit, rubbing and pinching at the little bundle of nerves. I came, my body clenching, smearing my fluids on the towel on Chris’ leg. “Fuck. Yes, Captain.” I cried.

Tom came up behind me and pulled me to my feet. “What a lucky girl you are.” He purred. “The captain took such good care of you.”

“Thank you, Loki.” I purred pressing myself up against him. I ran my tongue up the side of his neck and sucked just under his ear.

“So forward.” Tom cooed. “Help me undress, princess.”

It took a stupidly long time to get Tom’s costume off. You’d think the mood would have been lost, but if anything I just got more turned on. Seeing how the ornate pieces fit together, and clung to him. Slowly revealing his body. The fact Chris helped. Once the last piece was off I dropped to my knees and pulled his cock free from his boxers and took it into my mouth.

Tom moaned. “Good girl. Worship me.”

As I sucked Tom’s cock, Chris removed his costume. He put both costumes carefully in a pile arranged so they wouldn’t get creased or damaged. He came up behind me and dropped to his knees.

His hand wrapped around me and he slipped his fingers into my underwear. Teasing my clit. He nuzzled at my throat and sucked on my earlobe. “I want you so bad.” He whispered. “Ask him if we can be together.”

I released Tom from my mouth and looked up at him. “Loki, my king,” I said.

He looked down at me and touched my cheek. “What is it, my darling?”

“Can I please fuck Captain Rogers?” I asked.

Tom stroked his fingers over my cheek. “You will take both of us. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Loki.” I whimpered.

Chris stood and Tom helped me to my feet. Chris walked me to the bed and lay on his back. I crawled up over him and lowered myself down onto his cock. Tom went to the bedside table and pulled out the lube. He coated his dick with it and came up behind me smearing it over my arsehole. I leaned right in against Chris, kissing him. His hands roamed over my body.

Tom slid his cock up and down the crack of my arse, I hummed into Chris’ mouth and Tom pushed in. They moved together, filling me completely.

“Fuck, Captain.” I moaned.

“I’m right here, baby doll.” Chris soothed.

Tom grabbed my hair and pulled it, yanking my head back. “You’re mine, girl.” He scolded.

“Sorry, Loki.” I mewled. “I’m yours. I need you.”

Chris leaned up and started kissing my throat. Every part of me was in sensory overload. It felt like I was being touched everywhere. My orgasm built in my core and I clenched suddenly. It broke and I cried out biting down into Chris’ shoulder. The sudden clench of my body had set Tom off. His hips jerked and he emptied inside of me.

When he moved away Chris rolled me over and pinned my hands over my head. “Oh god, Captain. Fuck me.” I groaned.

Chris picked up his pace, his lips smothered mine. I felt light headed. I came again, lights popping behind my eyes. I clung to Chris and he let go.

The three of us lay down together, just catching our breath. “Damn, Tom. You’re really getting good at the Dom thing.” I panted.

Tom laughed. “Thank you. I think being Loki helps to be honest. Loki doesn’t mind saying you belong to him. I have a little more trouble with it.”

I laughed and rolled over, pecking him on the lips. “It was awesome.”

“Hey, Em?” Chris said.

I rolled over and looked him into the eyes. “Yes?”

“You fucked the uniform.” He said.

We all burst out laughed. “I couldn’t help it. You looked so fucking hot in it.”

“You didn’t even look me in the eye. You just stared at the star.” He laughed.

“It’s a good star.”

Chris started tickling me. “You are such a massive, fucking nerd.”

I squealed and jumped out of the bed to get away from him. “You married the nerd. What does that say about you?”


	11. Chapter 11

Getting back to Boston felt like a little bit of heaven for me. This house was our home and I really loved it. Chris arrived a little after me, still just finishing up with The Winter Soldier. So I just decided I would go about making Boston my home.

I would take East for runs every morning although they had started getting slower and shorter. He really wasn’t keeping up anymore. When he struggled I’d take him home and sit with him for a while before going out into the yard and practicing free running We had so many structures and trees it was fun figuring out new ways to make my way around the house.

I started pole dancing at a gym in the city. I really liked some of the women I did it with too. We started doing things together outside of the class. Usually brunch but sometimes we’d go dancing together. They were a good group of women and I really liked spending my time with them. For a lot of them, it just felt like we might be on the same page. I felt comfortable talking about my sexuality and desires with them, even though I never went into much detail.

Gaby was back. Oh god did it feel good having her around again. We found some people who hosted things like Harry Potter balls and trivia to get our nerd out. She lived with James now, so it wasn’t quite like before, she spent a lot of time with him. He was a good person though, and I liked being around him. Even though we did both have other people, I knew Gaby was still mine to some extent and we always made that special time for each other. Even if it was just PJs and watching Doctor Who time.

It was a good thing I liked him too because not long after they found a place together she invited me out for dinner with him to announce she was engaged.

“Oh. My. God!” I squealed, as I held her hand in mine and looked at her ring. “You guys! Congratulations!” I pulled her against me, hugging her tightly.

She pushed me off her. “Stop smothering me with your boobs.”

I laughed and hugged her again and then James. “When? When are you doing it?”

“We were thinking October of next year. Maybe in California? You’ll be my maid of honour right?”

I squealed with excitement. “Really? But you have so many sisters.”

Gabby rolled her eyes. “Of course it was going to be you. You’re my soul mate.”

Work was great too. I was my own boss. Not only that I was the boss of two other people. I had Gaby working for me and I hired a guy from Austria who had just gotten his Ph.D. His name was Jullien and he’d done his Ph.D. on the Eurasian Brown Bear and we were looking at the role of Black bears and Coyotes in the Massachusetts Woodlands ecosystems. It was good having someone who knew bears on the team. We worked with rangers to put trackers of animals and things had already gotten off to a strong start.

Having Chris’ family nearby was great. Lisa and I would go see Carly and the kids together. I’d get lunch in the city with Shanna sometimes. People would randomly pop around just to check up on me or bring me food.

When Chris got home I was feeling really good. Like this was how my life was supposed to be. I wasn’t in this weird interim phase where I was just doing the things I needed to do to get to what my life was supposed to be. I wasn’t just shadowing Chris’ life. I had friends and family and hobbies and work and I was happy.

Chris being home was even better. We had people around for barbeques. We sometimes babysat Carly’s kids. We did things to the house together. I can’t describe it any other way than to say that I felt like I was home. This was my home. More than any other place had been before in my entire life. I felt ready to try for kids again because that felt like the only missing piece.

Then something happened that stopped us in our tracks again. Chris and I had gotten up and I was preparing breakfast while Chris went to let East outside.

“Emily!” Chris yelled. He sounded terrified. I dropped everything and ran to the living room.

Chris was on his knees stroking East’s fur.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“He won’t get up,” Chris said. “He’s panting and wagging his tail, but he won’t get up.”

“I’ll call the vet,” I said and dashed off to find my phone.

I rang a couple of nearby vets and found an emergency one open. Chris carried East to the car and sat in the passenger seat holding him.

“I’m really worried, Em. What will I do without him?” Chris said, scratching East behind the ear.

I reached over and patted East’s fur. His breathing was so fast and shallow I didn’t think this was going to turn out well either.

The vet took some blood and did a body scan. She put East on a drip and told us she needed to keep him for observation and they’d call. Chris was so stressed on the way home. I made him waffles for breakfast. He kind of just pushed them around his plate, only really nibbling at the corners. I stepped up behind him and began rubbing his shoulders.

“I’m really scared, Em,” Chris said. He pushed the plate away and put his head on his arms.

“I know. He’s your best friend.” I said, continuing to rub the tension from his muscles. “You wanna take a bath or a shower?”

“Maybe just a shower,” Chris replied, getting up.

“You want me to join you?” I asked.

Chris shook his head and slouched from the room. I tidied up the kitchen and called his mum to tell her what was going on. She said she would come around. Chris had just got out of the shower when the vet rang. They said East had just gotten worse since we left and that we should come and say goodbye to him.

Chris completely shut down. We drove in silence to the vet. When we came into where they had East he slowly wagged his tail but he couldn’t lift his head. The vet moved him to a steel bench.  Chris slowly stroked his head and kissed him and told him he loved him as the vet went over what to expect. They added the anti-seizure medication to the IV that was already in East’s leg. His eyes closed and his tail stopped wagging and he was gone.

Chris hugged him, burying his face in his fur and crying. As he did East let out that last breath that shudders through their body that has nothing to do with life. Just that last death rattle. Chris completely lost it. He turned to me and grabbed me, clinging to me and sobbing against my neck. I held him, stroking my hands through his hair and down his back.

I paid the vet and we headed back home. Chris wanted to take East with him so we could bury him in the yard. When we got back, Lisa was waiting for us. She hugged Chris, but Chris just shook her off. He went about burying East like he was just a machine. He picked the biggest oak in the yard and spent the whole morning digging a hole. Lisa and I would go outside and ask him if he needed a drink. Or simply just force one on him. He wouldn’t really engage with either of us. For Chris, who cried over almost everything, this was unusual. Both Lisa and I were really worried about him.

When he finally started burying him Lisa went outside and stood with him. We each said a happy memory about him. Lisa talked about the time Chris brought East home and he chewed his way through four beds. I talked about the time East tried to protect me from Adam. Chris didn’t say anything. When he filled in the hole he just went inside without saying a word.

Lisa and I collected some rocks from around the yard and circled East’s grave with them. When we went back inside Chris was nowhere to be seen. Lisa decided she would go home. Chris needed his space. She told me to call if that changed. I found him in the shower sobbing loudly.

I stripped my clothes off and stepped in behind him. Hugging him, and pressing my face against his back. “Chris, it’s okay to be this sad. You don’t have to hide from me.”

Chris turned and clung to me. “He was a dog. People aren’t supposed to be this upset about a dog.”

“Who told you that? He was your family. You loved him. I did too, but he was your best friend for so long now. He was there before you got famous. He was thereafter. Through bad girlfriends and people using you. He never judged your bad decisions or said your movies sucked. He loved you so much. Of course, you’re going to be this upset.”

“What am I going to do without him, Em?” He murmured against my skin.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “It will be hard. You don’t have anyone else that loves you the same way as he did. But you do have a lot of people that love you. Time will help.”

“I don’t want to get another dog.” He said.

“You don’t have to.”

“I thought he would know my kids before he died,” Chris said, and he broke down again.

“I know. Life fucking sucks. This year has fucking sucked.” I soothed.

Chris started kissing along the side of my neck.

“Chris?” I whispered, my hands running up and down his back.

“Please? I just want to feel something else.” He pleaded.

“Okay, my love. Whatever you need.” I said.

I slowly lowered myself to my knees, kissing a trail down his body as I went. I stroked my palm up his cock and trailed my tongue along after it. He gradually stiffened under my touches and leaned up against the shower wall.

I took him in my mouth and moved up and down his length. Never taking him very far in, but stroking the base of his shaft. I kept that up until he groaned in frustration, grabbing my hair and pulling it. Using it to guide his cock further down my throat. I moved one hand between his legs and started teasing his asshole with the tip of my fingers. Chris groaned and pulled me further down on his cock.

I hollowed my cheeks and slowly pulled back then opened my mouth and let the water of the shower collect for a moment. He moved the tip of his cock over my lips for a moment. I took him back into my mouth and swirled the water around his shaft before swallowing it. He groaned loudly and thrust his hips forward.

All the while I kept slowly pressing and releasing on his asshole with my finger. Each time he would stretch more for me until the tip of my finger was pushed inside. Chris moaned and started thrusting into my mouth. I parted my lips for him, giving him free access to fuck it. He moved slowly but pushed in deeply. Testing the limits of my gag reflex.

I slowly moved my finger in and out of his ass, going deeper and deeper until I reached the smooth, spongy area that let me know I’d reached his prostate.

“Oh fuck. There, Emily. That’s it.” He groaned. He wasn’t able to be quiet anymore. I stroked my finger over his prostate and he grunted and panted. He made loud whimpering sounds. He’d stopped thrusting and I moved my head up and down on his cock.

“Oh fuck. Fuck. Emily.” He cried and came. He had never come in such volume before. I opened my mouth and let it spill over so he could see for himself the difference.

I continued stroking his prostate thinking maybe I could get him to have a second orgasm. One without ejaculation.

“Stop, Em. Feels kind of weird now.” He said.

I pulled my finger out and got to my feet. I rinsed my mouth and washed my hands and Chris grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. “I love you, Em.” He murmured.

I squeezed him around his waist, pressing myself into his chest. “I love you too. So much. Don’t forget that.”


	12. Chapter 12

Things were weird for a while. Chris was quite lost. Now it was me who had work and he was just drifting in mourning. He kept randomly forgetting that East wasn’t there anymore. He’d get up and automatically go to let him out. Or he’d get ready for his run and go to grab his lead. It was breaking my heart.

I did my best to help him move on. I took him out to the woods with me when I needed to go. Sometimes it helped. Sometimes it made it worse. We’d visit his family a lot. That did help. He really did like being home and around them.

He had a project coming up at the end of the year. He was going to direct his first film and that drew almost all his attention. He was nervous and excited. He would go see people about casting and location scouting. It took him in and out of town a bit. He also had a bit of press and charity work he was doing.

In general, though he was quite lost. Losing East on top of everything else this year hit him hard so it was nice when he had moments where he was happy. One day he came home from one trip to New York with a present for me.

“You can wear it while I fuck you. It will vibrate against your clit and my dick. Plus it should get your g-spot too.” He explained excitedly as I pulled the toy out of the box. It was small, purple and ‘U’ shaped with two ridged bulbous ends. It came with this big white charging station too. “But you know what’s really awesome about it?”

I looked up at him eyebrows raised. That already sounded pretty awesome. “No, what?”

He smirked. “Apparently it’s small enough to just wear around, and it has an app.”

I pushed him. “You dirty boy.”

Chris started laughing. “Oh, I will be. Can you imagine? I’m out of town. You have it in here. I just randomly switch it on.”

I squirmed a little thinking about it. “Fuck. I’m wet just thinking about it.”

“Really?” He asked. He got up and walked behind the chair and just stuck his hands straight into my shorts, stroking his fingers over my pussy.

“Chris!” I yelped and elbowed him in the chest.

He grabbed my elbows and pulled them together behind my back and kissed me. “We should give it a try.” He said pulling back.

“It needs to charge first,” I said, looking up at him.

“So go charge it, dummy. I’ll make us some lunch.”

I laughed and flicked his bicep. I headed down to the bedroom and gave the toy a clean before setting it to charge. When I got back Chris had made these elaborate Subs and taken the cap off two beers.

“How was the trip? Just spend it sex toy shopping?” I asked sitting down on Chris’ lap.

He wrapped his arm around me and took a drink of beer. “Yeah, it was good. We put in some paperwork so we could block off some locations. I did a read through with Alice and spoke to the screenwriter about things that weren’t working.”

“You’re loving this aren’t you?” I said, kissing his jaw.

He took a massive bite of sandwich and nodded. “I mean, I know it’s never gonna win an oscar, but I really love the control. I don’t think I bit of more than I can chew.”

I burst out laughing not sure which thing I found more funny. The 'I like to be in control’ or the saying he didn’t bite of off more than he can chew with mouth full of sandwich.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, looking a little worried.

“You like to be in control? I had no idea!” I teased.

He pinched my thigh and threw his head back laughing. “Smart ass.” He said. I snuggled down against him. It was nice seeing him really happy. The moments were there, but this year had been so shitty, that I liked appreciating them when it was genuine and not just us drifting along.

“I know it’s not going to win any awards. But it feels like a nice starting point. I feel good about it.” Chris said.

“Well, it’s not like people just start with Blockbusters. Look at Peter Jackson.” I agreed.

Chris turned to look at me puzzled. “What did Peter Jackson make first?”

My mouth went wide. “Oh my god! Meet the Feebles?”

Chris shook his head. “Never heard of it.”

“It’s like the muppets if they all had STDs and took all the drugs,” I explained, excitedly. “It’s horrible and brilliant all at once.”

“Well, I guess I know what movie I’m going to be looking up next.”

We finished our sandwiches and Chris got up, stacked the dishwasher and washing his hands before sitting back down to finish his beer. I settled back down into his lap and he kissed my cheek. “You’re being very affectionate.” He said, pulling the hair off my neck and kissing my throat.

“That’s because I love you,” I replied, leaning back and kissing him. He unfastened my shorts and started lazily fingering me as we both finished our beer. When I drained the last of my bottle, Chris pushed me to stand, pulled my shorts and panties off in one go and sat me on the kitchen table. He put a hand on my chest and I lay back on the table, spreading my legs and putting them on his shoulders.

He nuzzled at my pubic mound for a moment, placing small kisses along the insides of my thighs. He swiped his tongue up my crevice and I arched up off the table, chasing his mouth.

Chris grabbed my hips, holding them down and started to lap wide over my pussy. Sucking at my folds. I put my hands in his hair and pulled it as his tongue became more focussed and he began sucking on my clit. I began to moan, and I rolled my hips against his face.

Chris was making these pleased little sounds. Little hums and moans. The way he really seemed to enjoy going down on me was almost as good as him going down on me.

He stood up suddenly and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kept my fingers in his hair.

He carried me to our room and dropped me onto the mattress before pulling off his shirt. As I was scrambling to remove mine, he picked up the vibrator from the charger. It looked so small in his hand. He grabbed the lube and started slicking it over the vibe as I pulled his pants down and started teasing his cock with my tongue.

He leaned me back kissing me and pushed the vibe inside of me. It sat against my clit and curled inside of me pushing against my g-spot. He grabbed the remote and stood looking down at me, stroking his cock and playing with the settings. The buzz changed from slow and mellow to fast and intense and everything in between.

Chris watched my reactions closely as he stroked himself. I moaned and bucked and writhed under him. When I reacted the way he seemed to like best he put the control down lubed up his cock and pounced on me.

I wrapped my legs around him and he slid inside of me. I felt stretched but in no way uncomfortable. The addition of his cock also pushed the toy hard against my g-spot. I groaned loudly and he started to just roll his hips against me. Each roll, added pressure to the part resting against my clit increasing the intensity of the buzz against it. The buzz travelled out from my cunt through the rest of me. As his cock moved within me it pushed the internal part against my g-spot. Press and release. Press and release.

I started to pant. Chris cradled my head with his arm and looked right into my eyes. His mouth hovered over mine. His breath was hot and coming in shallow.

“How’s it feel?” He asked, his eyes twinkling.

I leaned up, capturing his lips with mine, pulling his hair and plunging my tongue into his mouth. He pushed back against me. Kissing me heatedly.

“Fuck, Chris! Fuck!” I cursed, as he broke the kiss.

“Yeah, me too.” He growled.

An orgasm took hold of me. Washing over me. Chris kissed me through it as I clung to him, my fingers digging into his back muscles.

He started to thrust harder. Each thrust making the vibrator dig into my g-spot. I came again, gushing around his cock.

“Fuck, Emily!” Chris groaned and jerked into me, filling me with his come.

We lay there panting for a little while, but the vibrator was still buzzing against my clit. “Fuck… fuck, Chris. Get off.” I yelped.

He rolled off me and I pulled it out panting and switched it off tossing it on the covers.

“That one’s a keeper.” I panted, linking my fingers with his.

Chris kissed my fingertips. “You’re a keeper.”

I laughed and rolled onto my side walking my fingers up his chest. “Having this makes the idea of you going away again a little more exciting than I usually find it.”

“Mmm hmm… it’s a little exciting thinking of getting you off from another state.” He hummed.

“I wish there was a way I could do the same thing to you,” I said and sucked a spot just under his jaw.

“Maybe we could look into it. Some kind of cock ring or something. Might not be able to get me off but surprise boner from my wife could be fun in its own way.”

I started giggling. “Imagine if you were in the cap uniform.”

“That thing is always super tight. Bet it would be uncomfortable as hell.” He laughed.

“I bet it would be hot as hell.”

Chris rolled onto his side and looked at me. “I love you, ya nerd.”


	13. Chapter 13

For the next month or so things just continued along. There was nothing really new with me. Apart from worrying about Chris, I was really in a routine I was quite comfortable in. I seemed to have balanced work and friends really well. Work was fun. I was liking being able to totally focus on research. I loved that I was working with Gaby again. I was still really enjoying pole dancing and I had made a couple of really good friends from it. Ellie and Krysten. We went out semi-regular to clubs and always had breakfast after a workout.

At the start of September Carly gave birth to a baby girl. I’d thought I’d have mixed feelings about it. Like I’d be jealous or depressed or something. I wasn’t. I was just excited. It was nice having more kids around. It just reinforced that I wanted them. Stella was the cutest little thing ever. Being around her and the boys just made me the cluckiest person ever.

Our first anniversary came and we spent the weekend alone just us. We went to a cabin upstate. It was so unbelievably beautiful. The foliage was just beginning to change and in the right light, the forest looked like it was on fire.

I loved the cabin too. Remote and rustic but still fully equipped and comfortable.

“Oh my god! Look at this place. I said standing in the living room.” There was an open fireplace in front of a big plushy couch. A large hardwood dining table sat in front of a picture window that looked out over the lake. Chris put our suitcase down and came and put his hands on my hip, and kissed my throat.

“I’m totally fucking you on that couch.” Chris teased.

I turned in his arms and kissed him. It was soft and gentle and I just barely grazed my lips over his. He deepened it. Teasing my lips open with his tongue. I melted into him. Parting my lips and teasing his tongue with mine.

When he broke apart he rested his forehead on mine. “Where else?” I smirked.

Chris laughed and pulled away. “Oh, we’re doing that? Okay.” He turned and pointed to the table. “I’m gonna bend you over that table.” He led me into the kitchen. I’m going to lift you up on the counter and fuck you there. Our next stop was outside. There was a timber porch swing with blue and white cushions. The yard was a big grass hill skirted by trees with a large oak in the middle. The hill ran down into the lake where there was a dock with a small rowboat tied to it. “I’m going to fuck you on this porch swing. Also, against that tree, and I’m definitely taking you out on the lake and fucking you in that boat.”

I squealed and clapped my hands before going inside. The next stop was the bathroom. It had a large claw-footed tub, the outside was bronze and the inside a bright white porcelain.

“I’m going to sit you on the edge of that tub and eat you out. If you wanted, you could suck my dick too.” Chris said.

“I can?” I said in mock excitement. “You’re so kind.”

Chris laughed. “I know! I’m a total giver.”

We went to the bedroom next. It had a solid wood king-sized bed with a patchwork quilt. “I’m totally fucking you on this bed.” He said.

I shook my head. “No. This is where I’ll be fucking you.” I said and leaned up licking over the corner of his jaw.

Chris shivered. “Really?”

“Mm-hmm and I don’t mean I’m going to ride you. Although I will. I mean I’m putting on a strap-on and fucking you in the arse.” I purred.

Chris pushed me down onto the bed and started kissing me. Grinding into me. “Fuck, Emily. I’m so turned on. Tonight?”

“Whenever you like.”

We ended up going for a walk around the lake and then cooking lasagna together for dinner.

“Our first year of marriage was way harder than I thought it would be,” Chris said.

I frowned. That hurt a lot. I know he didn’t mean it, but it sounded like he regretted getting married. “I think the year has been hard. I don’t think it has to do with being married.”

Chris jumped up and hugged me. “No, no, no. Babe. This year sucked. The thing that made it bearable was you being my wife. I love you so much.”

I leaned up and kissed him. “I love you too.”

We ate dinner and after we exchanged gifts and as we ate a dessert of Snickers cheesecake. I could see Chris getting antsy.

“You wanna do this then?” I grinned.

Chris jumped right up. “Can we?”

We went to our bedroom and I grabbed the things I needed from our bag. Chris sat on the edge of the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. I put all my stuff on the bedside table and straddled his lap. He pulled me down onto him and we started to kiss. He tipped us back so we were lying side by side out legs hanging off the bed.

We kissed slowly. Our hands gently trailing over each other. I let him lead. This was about Chris and if this is what he wanted we could make out forever. We gradually shed out clothes. I remained in my panties. Chris, I stripped of everything. He slipped his hand under the waistband of my panties and began fingering me. Rolling his large fingers lazily over my clit. Dipping them into my cunt to wet them and then spreading my wetness up my folds.

I slid my hand between his legs, avoiding his cock and just stroking him up and down his perineum. I let my middle finger move closer and closer to his arsehole. Soon I was pressing against it and Chris was making soft mewling sounds and thrusting his hips against me.

Chris pulled away from me. “Okay. I’m ready.” He breathed.

I let him crawl up into the middle of the bed and lay on his back as I picked up a small silicone buttplug. I coated it in lube and moved between his legs. I started by just stroking him up and down between his legs. Cupping his balls and stroking down between his butt cheeks. I circled my finger over his anus and then switched it to the plug. Teasing it just a little. Chris started stroking his cock and I eased the plug in.

Chris moaned and one hand went to my forearm. I slowly fucked his arse with the plug. As I did I ran my hand up and down his leg. He was panting and whimpering. His thigh muscles tensed under my hand.

Watching him move under me was surprisingly satisfying. His muscles rippled and clenched. He gripped the bed sheets, the tendons on his wrists standing out. The noises he made was the biggest turn-on of all. He groaned and panted. His moans were loud and raw. I couldn’t get enough of it.

My cunt clenched as I worked on him. I dripped for him. My fluids soaked my panties and trickled down my thighs.

“You ready, baby?” I asked.

Chris made a completely intelligible sound and nodded his head. I pushed the plug into him and moved away. Chris watched as I strapped the harness in place and inserted the dildo. It wasn’t large. Very thin and that perfect length for hitting the prostate, with a slight upwards curve. It was light blue and made of a soft silicone.

I slicked the device and climbed back in between his legs. “God you look amazing, Chris.” I purred as I pulled the plug from his ass. He groaned and I squirted more lube onto his arse.

I pushed the dildo in and slowly started to fuck him. If I was turned on before, it was nothing compared to now. Chris completely lost control. He just gave himself to his enjoyment of this. He twisted and rocked his hips. He cried out loudly. The way he looked. Holy fuck. His muscles were totally clenched. I ran my hands down his abs, enjoying how they felt under my fingertips.

I took his cock in my hand and thrust faster into him as I stroked him. Chris reached for my free hand and I held it. “Oh fuck, Em. Em… I can’t… I’m gonna come.” He groaned.

His body jerked and he spilled over his stomach. I leaned over and started to kiss him but I continued to move in and out of his ass. Chris’ hands went to my hair and he moaned into our kiss. His tongue pushed into my mouth and he rolled us over.

He sat above me on his knees by my chest and we kissed as he moved against the dildo. He broke our kiss suddenly and stared down at me. His body clenched sudden and he cursed as he experienced his first orgasm that didn’t involve ejaculation.

“Holy shit, Em.” He groaned as he slowly eased himself off me and rolled onto his side. “That was fuckin’ crazy. Take the harness off. I gotta repay the favour for that.”

I laughed. “You don’t have to. I got a fair bit out of that myself.”

Chris shook his head and started scrambling at the straps on the harness. “I want to.”

“You liked it that much?” I asked.

“My ass kinda hurts but yeah. Maybe just for special occasions.” He said.

I started giggling. “Your arse hurts? I wonder what that’s like.”

He tickled me and I squirmed under him. “Smartass.”

He worked the harness free and dropped his head down between my legs. His tongue ran up between my folds. “Fuck, Em. You really liked it too.”

I squirmed under him as his tongue returned to my pussy. “You looked so fucking amazing, Chris.” I moaned. “Usually when we fuck you try and stay in control. But you just gave yourself to it. It was so hot.”

Chris pushed his fingers into me and stroked them over my g-spot. “I like it when you just let go too. It’s fuckin’ hot. And I love that it’s me that does that to you. Let go for me, Em.”

I closed my eyes and gave myself totally to him. He worked his fingers inside of me. Pushing them hard against my g-spot. His nibbled and licked at my clit and a finger slipped into my ass. I moaned and panted. I wrapped my legs around his shoulder. Every part of me was alight.

I came hard. Gushing onto him. As it rocked through me he moved up and pushed his cock into me. I moaned at the unexpected intrusion. “Oh fuck, Chris. Already?”

He chuckled and rolled his hips into mine. “To infinity, Em.”

We fucked in that slow lazy way where you’re more enjoying the closeness and skin to skin contact. We couldn’t stop kissing. To begin with, all I could taste was myself on his lips but we kissed for so long it faded and he just tasted like him again.

I came twice more. On the second time, he came with me. Spilling inside me. We collapsed down together onto the bed. Sweaty, gross and completely spent.

“I am definitely going to need a shower now.” I sighed.

“Let’s take a bath,” Chris said. “I wanna just chill with you.”

“That sounds amazing. Go start the bath and I’ll clean up in here.”

Chris got up and kissed me on the forehead before heading towards the bathroom. I cleaned the toys and put them away and changed out sheets before heading down to him. He was already in the tub when I got there. The bath smelled of citrus and the water was orange with a little swirl of green through it. Chris had he head back and his eyes closed and he looked completely relaxed.

I climbed in with him and he draped an arm over my chest as I snuggled against his. “I can’t remember feeling this good for so long.” He said.

“This year has been kinda fucked in a lot of ways.” I agreed. I looked up at him. “But there has been some good. I feel like I finally have a place I belong now, ya know?”

Chris opened his eyes and smiled. “You like Boston?”

“I really do. I’m making friends and you’re always so much more you here. Your family is here and I’ve got Gaby again. Also in Boston, they use slang we use in Australia. It’s nice.” I said.

“What slang?”

“Ueys, we say chuck not bang. We chuck a uey. And bubbler.” I said.

Chris laughed. “With your Aussie accent you nearly pronounce is right too. Bub-lah, not bub-ler. That’s wicked cool. Does it mean drinking fountain in Australia too?”

“Yeah, it totally does. I wonder if there’s anywhere else that calls them that.” I mused. “There were more. I forget. It’s funny though.”

“It was meant to be. You belong here.” Chris leaned down and kissed me. His hand moved and he stroked it over my stomach. We lay together like that for a while. Just quietly enjoying the closeness. I kept my head on his pec and just listened to the steady thud-thud of his heart.

Chris slowly drew circles over my stomach. “Em. I don’t wanna rush you, but do you think in the new year we could try again?” He said after a little while.

“We can try now if you want to,” I answered.

Chris shook his head. “Not this year.”

I leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’m ready when you are.”


	14. Chapter 14

October passed without much happening. Chris was in and out of town. He still had his very low moments but he seemed much happier. We spent Halloween with Chris’ family. Chris and I walked Carly’s kids up and down the street. Miles and Ethan had both wanted to be Captain America which was adorable. Stella was only a month old and so couldn’t come with us but Carly dressed her as a ladybug and she was just the cutest thing ever.

Chris and I did couples costumes again. Chris went as Han Solo and I did Princess Leia.

“One day our kids will be with us when we do this,” Chris said as we trailed after Ethan and Miles. The boys were running holding each other’s hands but every driveway we got to they were too scared to go in alone.

“I hope so. I gotta say, this might be competing for my favourite holiday.” I grinned.

Chris put his arm around my waist. “It’s so stupid they don’t celebrate it in Australia. That’s the dumbest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever heard.”

I looked at him with mock shock. “How dare you, sir? Those are fightin’ words!”

Chris burst out laughing. “You know it’s true.” He said, giving me a squeeze. “Besides I know Christmas is never getting knocked out of place for your favourite holiday. So let’s not get carried away.”

I nodded and kissed him. “You’re right and you guys do Christmas better too.”

“See, Australia sucks and America rules. You just have to face facts.” Chris teased.

I punched him in the arm and he put me in a headlock, rubbing his knuckles on my head. “Stop it, Chris! My hair!”

Chris let me up and kissed me as we caught up to the boys. “You gonna go to the door this time?” Chris asked as we approached them standing at the gate.

Miles pouted. “No, I don’t wike it.”

* * *

In early November Chris left town again. We’d agreed to play with the remote vibe. I was a little worried about how loud it was. Not that it was super noisy, but you definitely hear the buzz. So the rule was he had to call or text just to make sure I wasn’t somewhere completely inappropriate.

Gaby and I went dress shopping one Saturday for her wedding dress. The shop she had chosen was in a cute terrace building in the city near the bay. Gaby was so excited. Unlike me, she was so into the dresses. We had made an appointment and were just looking through racks as we waited for the sales assistant.

“God they’re all so beautiful,” Gaby said, excitedly as she held a fluffy white dress up to herself.

“If you say so,” I said, smiling at her.

“Emily, you’re the absolute worst.” Gaby laughed.

“Please don’t make me wear pink,” I said quickly. Gaby completely lost it. She fell on me laughing.

A tall blond woman approached. Ms. Martínez, I’m Erica. If you’d like to come with me. She took us into a small room in the back and we sat down on some plushy couches. There was cake on the table and Erica poured us some champagne.

“So did you have anything in mind?” She asked, sitting opposite us.

Gaby pulled out her wedding book. I started giggling and Erica gave me a withering look. Gaby showed Erica a range of dresses she’d liked and Erica hurried off to make some selections.

I looked at Gaby and wrinkled my nose. “You like weddings.”

“I sure do. I can’t wait to be a princess.” Gaby smiled.

“And we’re friends because…?”

“Emily, stop it.” Gaby laughed. I nudged her with my elbow.

Erica came back with a rack of dresses. The first dress she picked up and showed Gaby lost it over. She went to the change room to try it on and I picked up a glass and had a drink. My phone started playing the Avengers theme song and I answered.

“Hey my love, what are you up to?” I asked.

“Not a lot. The bigger question is, what are you up to?” Chris purred down the line.

I swallowed and squeezed my legs together, the vibrator shifted inside me and pressed down on my clit. “Just looking at dresses with Gaby.”

“Bad time?” Chris asked.

“No, Gaby’s just trying on a dress,” I replied.

The vibrator buzzed to life. I let out a quiet squeak. “Just say ‘you look beautiful’ and I’ll switch it off,” Chris growled.

“Okay,” I said softly. The buzz was sending an intense tingle through me. I whimpered a little.

“Quiet now, Emily.” Chris purred. I started to rock on the chair a little, trying to bring along an orgasm. “You like that, baby? You like me getting you off while I’m out of town?”

“Yes,” I whispered. I was being brought to the edge really fast. The public nature of the game. Getting to hear him talk dirty to me. I felt like an exposed wire. Chris kept changing the settings on the vibrator too. Increasing the buzz before dropping it off again. I started panting, the occasional whimper escaping from me.

“I can hear you. You gonna come for me, babe? This soon?” He purred.

“I don’t know,” I answered trying to keep my voice steady.

“I understand. You need my dick, huh? You want to ride my cock don’t ya?” He growled.

“Uh huh.” I mewled.

“Poor, baby. I’ll be home really soon and I promise I’ll fuck you so hard. You won’t be able to walk straight.” Chris cooed.

At that point, Gaby stepped out of the dressing room in a big white puffy dress.

“Oh my god, Gaby you look so beautiful!” I yelped. The vibrator switched off and I jumped up. I was glad I was wearing a skirt because my panties were soaked and I’m pretty sure I would have had a wet patch on pants.

“Gotta go, Chris,” I said, quickly as I moved towards Gaby.

“I’ll call you tonight.” He said. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” I replied. Shit. I hadn’t thought this through. I was gonna be all overwound all day now.

I hung up my phone and held Gaby at arm’s length. “You’re all cupcakey!”

“You like it? I’m not sure…” Gaby said, frowning down at her dress.

Erica appeared from the front of the store. “What do we think?” She said, coming over and fussing around the dress.

“I’m not so sure,” Gaby said looking at herself in a mirror.

Erica smiled and went to a rack. “Then let’s try something else.”

Gaby tried on exactly six dresses before she came out with the one she fell in love with. It was white and had a strapless heart-shaped bodice, a drop waist and layer upon layer of tulle on the skirt. It was very princess and she completely lit up in it.

“I think this is it, Emmy!” She squeaked, looking at herself in the mirror.

Erica fussed around her and I went and got a veil and put it in her hair. “You look beautiful. James is going to cry so hard.”

“I’ve never seen him cry. So that would be awesome!” She chirped.

Erica started to take Gaby’s measurements. “So were we thinking bridesmaids dresses too?”

Gaby smirked. “I was thinking something pink and frilly.”

* * *

When I got home I texted Chris to tell him that I was back. He then spent the rest of the afternoon and some of the night torturing me. I was in my office working on a paper when the first one went off. It shocked me out of nowhere. I gripped the desk and ground against my office chair. I could feel my orgasm coming close. I pushed down into the chair and tried to picture Chris holding me down and fucking me. I didn’t even come close to orgasming before he switched it off.

The next time I was doing some dishes. I almost smashed a plate when he switched it on. It slipped from my fingers and crashed back into the water. I leaned against the counter and felt my knees buckle as the buzz spread from my cunt out to the rest of me. This time I came close. I was right there on the edge, panting and moaning. My forehead resting on my arms when it stopped suddenly and I let out a frustrated sigh.

He did it when I was eating dinner. When I was watching TV. When I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. He never left it on long enough to get me off either. By the time he face-timed each, my clit was swollen and my panties were soaked.

“How’re ya doin’ there, babe?” Chris asked, smirking.

“Oh yeah. You know… if you don’t let me get off now I’ll probably kill you.” I answered, carrying my phone to the bedroom.

“Oh, poor baby. I better take care of you then.” He cooed. “Take off your clothes for me.”

I propped my phone at the end of the bed and stripped off my clothes. I pulled the vibrator out finally. It was a sticky mess. I grabbed my favourite one that looked like a little pink loch ness monster and sat up against the headboard legs spread.

Chris was sitting on the sofa in a hotel. He’d propped his iPad in front of him on the coffee table so I was looking up at him with his legs spread apart. He was still fully clothed though. Wearing red plaid and black jeans.

“Fuck, Em. Look at what I did to you. God; if I was there…” He groaned and his hand went to his crotch and he stroked himself.

“Yeah, what would you do?” I asked and started stroking my fingers over my tender pussy. It sent a shudder through me. My cunt was hot and wet and so sensitive I didn’t think I’d last long.

“I’d tie those hands of yours over your head, to begin with so you couldn’t touch yourself.” He growled.

“Take off your clothes,” I said, continuing to gently tease my pussy.

Chris stood so for a little while all I could see was his abs and legs. He took his shirt off first. I could see the hairs on his stomach and the definition of his abdominal muscles in high resolution. When he unfastened his fly and dropped his pants I audibly moaned. The way he slowly revealed his Adonis belt and then his dick, which pulled down and then popped up hard against him. It was so fucking hot.

Chris sat back down smirking. “You like that, huh?”

“Mm-hmm…” I hummed. “Run your hands down your body and then start stroking yourself.”

“Emily…” Chris whined.

“Just do it,” I said. “Then tell me what you’d do next”

Chris ran his hands down his chest and over his stomach before gripping his cock in his large hand. A shiver ran through me and a sudden gush of fluids dripped from my cunt onto the mattress.

“Oh god, babe.” Chris groaned. “I’d want to lick that all up. Taste yourself for me, baby. Tell me what I’m missing.”

I pushed my fingers inside myself. The brief stretch of my entrance made my hips buck. I pulled my fingers free and sucked them moaning at the salty/sweet flavour. “Tastes like lychees and the beach.” I moaned.

“That’s it, baby.” Chris groaned. “I’d fuckin’ lap that up. Then I’d start fucking you. I’d slam into you. Fuck you right into the mattress.”

I lubed up my vibrator and pushed it into myself. Chris had started leaking precome and he slicked his cock with it as he rubbed his fist up and down his length. I moaned loudly and arched up off the mattress as I turned it on and pressed it against my clit.

“When you came I wouldn’t stop. I’d keep fucking you. I might even pull out and get the vibe you wore today and stick it back in you so you couldn’t stop coming. You’d be begging me. I fuckin’ love it when you beg.” He growled.

He was bringing himself along quickly. His own words turning himself on as much as it turned me on. “Oh god, yes. Please, Chris.” I moaned as I fucked myself with my vibrator, pushing it hard against my g-spot.

“That’s it, Em. Beg me to come. Beg me.” He growled.

“Please, Chris. I wanna come. I need it. Please.” I pleaded. It was true too. I wasn’t going to be able to stop myself.

“Good girl. You’re always so good for me. Of course, you can come.” He purred.

I pushed the vibe hard against my g-spot as I held it on my clit. I came hard. Crying out and snapping my legs closed.

Chris jerked suddenly, his muscles clenching and he came on his abs.

“Jesus Christ, I love watching you come.” He breathed.

I panted and pulled my vibrator free. “I like watching you too. The way your muscles tighten up when you do is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“Okay, I better go clean up.” Chris sighed. “I love you so much. I’ll be home in a couple of days and I’ll make good on my talk.”

I smiled. “Can’t wait, my love.”


	15. Chapter 15

It was getting close to my birthday and there was an interesting turn of events in Chris and my personal life. I’d just finished a pole dancing class and went to have coffee with some of the girls. As they all trickled away it ended up just being me and Krysten.

“I know what those marks are on your wrists just so you know.” Krysten teased, taking a long sip of her coffee.

I looked down at my wrists. They had a little friction burn from the restraints Chris had used on me the previous night. “Are you attempting to kink shame me here? You?” I countered.

Krysten started to laugh. “Not at all. I miss it. I’ve been single too long. I hook up from time to time but you gotta trust the person you’re with you know?”

“Oh yeah, for sure.” I fiddled with my cup for a moment. “So which side are you?”

“Honestly depends who I’m with. I like being a sub. I bet I’d be pretty bossy with you though, wouldn’t I?” She teased.

Well, that made me squirmy. Not gonna lie. “Hey, Krys?”

“Mm-hmm?”

“You ever joined another couple?”

Krysten grinned at me and brushed her dark hair out of her eyes. “Are you offering?”

“Krysten…” I whined.

Krysten lost it laughing. “I have been in a threesome. I’ve been with more than three people at once actually. But they were more just friends hooking up. Once I was dating like three people at once and we all slept together. That blew that whole arrangement up. But no, I’ve never joined another couple. I got asked once but it seemed really skeevy.” She paused for a second and looked me up and down. “If you were asking to test the waters, Emily. I’d totally do you. I’d have to meet your husband first though.”

“Yeah, he’d want to meet you too,” I said.

Krysten started laughing again. “I knew it.” She teased. “Have you both brought people in before?”

“Yeah. A couple of girls and we have a friend who we pretty regularly do things with.” I said. “Kris, there’s something you should know. My husband is kinda famous.”

Krysten raised her eyebrows. “Oh really? What are we talking here? Red Sox? Pats?”

“Not sport. No.” I said. “It might be best if you meet him. Let me run it past him first okay?”

“Of course, babe. Whatever you want.”

I headed home to find Chris working out in the carriage house. He was wearing loose sweats and a t-shirt that looked a half size too small for him. It clung to him so you could see the line of each and every one of his muscles. He looked up at me and smiled when I walked in.

“Hey, babe. How was class?” Chris asked.

“Good. I’m not totally sucking now.”

“You ever gonna show me?” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“Put in a pole and sure thing.”

“Deal.” Chris grinned.

I went over to Chris’ bench press and started spinning the weights on the bar.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Chris asked. He was doing lat pulldowns and he looked pretty fucking amazing doing them. The muscles on his back rippled as he moved.

“So, you know how I talk about my friend Krysten?” I said.

“Yes.” He dragged the word out forever.

“Wanna have sex with her?” I asked.

“I don’t know her.” He said.

“No, I know that. I mean, obviously if you get along. I really like her and she’s actually experienced with BDSM. I thought it might be fun.” I explained. I felt oddly nervous. It made no sense. In the past when we wanted to bring in a third we just said ‘hey you wanna?’ And then went for it.

“Does she sub or domme?” Chris asked.

“She’s a switch.”

Chris let go of the weights, got up and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me so his hands were resting on my arse. He was sweaty and little drops trickled down his forehead. “That does sound like fun.” He said. He brought his lips to mine. I sucked the salt from his bottom lip and he hummed as he pulled back. “Invite her around sometime.”

* * *

Sometime, ended up being my birthday. I had a party at our place. It wasn’t massive but it was full of people I loved. Gaby and James came. Tom flew in from out of town. Most of the Evans were there as were my pole dancing friends and some colleagues from work.

It was pretty low key but that was exactly what I wanted. We just hung out playing Cards Against Humanity and pool. Drinks were had. I had a really nice night.

Tom was staying over and I was half expecting something to happen there. What I didn’t expect was they’d organised something with Krysten. I don’t even know when they could have planned it. Chris and she had met. We’d had her over for lunch one day. I had no idea they were talking since then.

After everyone left Chris came over to me and Krysten as we stood going through songs on my iPhone. He put his hand around Krysten’s waist and pulled her into a kiss. I watched them as they kissed and pushed their bodies up close to each other. Grinding against each other. My cunt tingled and I shifted on the spot, rubbing my legs together.

Tom came up behind me, and he ran his hands down my arms. I leaned back into him and he kissed me.

“Em,” Chris said. I broke away from Tom and looked at him. “Why don’t you and Krysten go upstairs and get comfortable with each other? Tom and I will be up soon. Think about what you want. It’s your birthday.”

Krysten took my hand and we both went upstairs. I showed her to the bedroom and when we stepped through the door she turned to me and started trailing her fingers along my skin. “What do you want to do, beautiful girl?” She asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. I really didn’t. I wanted to just jump right in. Be the very subbiest sub of all. Have them all tell me what to do and use me. I was worried it was too much for a first encounter with someone. That I’d overthink everything and end up having a massive drop.

“What do you do when it’s the three of you?” She asked.

“Mostly they just share me. Sometimes DP. We role play on occasion. When it goes down the BDSM route it’s usually pretty tame. Tom defers to Chris usually. There will be spanking. They tie me up. Chris can get mean, but Tom doesn’t feel comfortable with name-calling.” I explained.

“Is there anything you really want to happen?” She asked.

“I really want to have sex with you. I especially want to eat you out. I’d like to watch you fuck Chris.” I said.

She smiled and her tongue ran over her bottom lip. “I’m happy to oblige. Anything you don’t want to happen? I don’t mean your hard limits. Chris and I already talked about all that. I can tell you mine if you want, but I get the feeling you’re not even going to come close to reaching them.” She said.

I laughed. “You’re probably right. I guess what I’m worried about is because you’re a new partner I’ll overthink everything. If I do that then I drop.”

“Okay. Well, what if we just go easy this time. Nothing too rough. Maybe some hair pulling. You just do what comes naturally. You and I can let Tom and Chris tell us what to do. If you start overthinking just use amber or orange and everyone will back off.” Krysten suggested.

I nodded and she grinned at me. “Well then, let’s get one of the things on your to-do list underway shall we?” She said and pulled me into her.

We kissed and she dominated me. I followed her lead and gave he complete access to my mouth. Her tongue pushed in and massaged over mine. She dragged her teeth over my bottom lip.

As we kissed she pulled the zipper on my dress down. I slid the straps of hers down her arms and we both shrugged them off onto the floor. She started to guide me backward towards the bed. I went straight for her breasts. Neither of us had been wearing a bra and they were too much to resist. I sucked one of her nipples into my mouth and it hardened under my tongue. We slowly lowered ourselves onto the bed, as I sucked at it and kneaded her other breast with my hand.

“Okay, Emily. Slow down, baby. We’ve got lots of time.” Krysten purred.

That squirmy, tingly feeling spread through my cunt again and I looked up at her and licked my lips.

“That’s it. Good girl. Come lie down with me. Let’s go nice and slow.” She cooed.

I crawled up onto the bed and we lay down facing each other. We started to kiss again. Our hands slowly trailed over each other’s skin and she pushed one leg between mine. I started to grind against her thigh. She pushed it hard against me. As I moved against her soft flesh my fluids smeared against her skin. I moaned softly into her mouth and pushed my leg against her. I felt her heat and wetness against me and it filled me with such an intense need to taste her I started to whimper.

Krysten broke our kiss and ran one perfectly painted, scarlet thumbnail over my bottom lip. “What’s wrong, baby?” She purred.

“I want to taste you so bad,” I whined.

“You just have to wait, Emily. You can be patient can’t you?” Krysten cooed. I nodded my head and we started kissing again.

This time her hand slid down my body and entered my panties. She teased my clit with the tip of her finger and I thrust my hips forward into her hand. I mimicked her movements letting my finger trail down her soft skin and slip into her thong. I rolled my fingers over her clit and she moaned and let her head fall back. I kissed her throat, playfully biting at her but making sure I never did anything that might mark her.

I moved down to her breasts continuing to play with her clit. When she didn’t stop me I returned to sucking on her nipples. Relishing the feel of her breasts in my mouth. How soft they were in contrast to the hardness of her nipples. She started to give herself to it. Moaning and fisting her hands in my hair.

I moved lower again, placing kisses on her stomach. She was very fit, having done pole dancing for years now. Even still there was something softer to her than either Chris or Tom. It felt nice under my lips.

I pulled her thong down and off and when I wasn’t scolded I spread her folds and began to lap at her. Trying to taste all of her. That tart, salty flavour with a sweet undercurrent that reminded me so much of fruit and the beach.

“Emily, do you need instruction?” Krysten asked.

Instead of replying I just focused the point of my tongue on her clit. I drew circles and flicked at it. I sucked on and gently grazed my teeth over the nub. As she started to moan and her wetness grew I pushed my middle finger deep into her cunt and swirled it inside of her. When I felt the soft spongy area of her g-spot. I pushed down on it hard and curled my fingers so they dragged over it.

Krysten cried out and bucked her hips up into my face. I continued to drag my fingers over her g-spot, twisting my wrist so my knuckles dug into it. All the while I sucked and tongued at her clit.

Krysten moaned and writhed under me. I felt her core muscles tighten around my fingers and with a groan she came, gushing onto me. I lapped up what I could and sat up, wiping my face.

“Holy shit, Emily.” Krysten panted. “Come here.”

I climbed into her arms and she rolled over so she was above me, kissing me and grinding against my leg. Chris and Tom came into the room and stood watching us for a moment.

Chris came and sat down at the end of the bed. His hand slid up and down my calf. “What have you decided?”

Krysten rolled off me and sat up, tucking her legs in front of her. “Emily is such a good girl and it’s her birthday. I think we should be nice to her.” She said.

“Is that so?” Chris purred. “Have you been good, Emily?”

“Yes, Chris,” I answered, looking at my hands.

Chris dragged me down the bed and pulled me into a kiss. It was forceful, letting me know I was his. No matter what happened tonight it was him and me.

He brought his lips to my ear. “Do you want me to fuck your friend?”

“Yes please, Chris.” I whimpered.

“Do you want to watch?” He whispered.

“Yes. Please, Chris.”

“You better beg me.”

“Please, Chris. Please fuck Krysten. Please let me watch.” I pleaded.

Chris let me go and he stood back. “Let us watch you.”

I moved back up towards Krysten and we started kissing and grinding against each other. This time it wasn’t really about us. We were putting on a show for them. Chris and Tom removed their clothes and stood stroking their cocks as they watched us.

Chris rolled on a condom and moved up over Krysten. I got up and went to Tom. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled at my throat as I watched Chris penetrate Krysten.

Tom pulled me back onto the bed and I straddled his lap guiding his cock deep inside of me. I started to ride him. My focus switching between him and watching Chris and Krysten. As my orgasm peaked I stopped watching and focused on Tom. I buried my face into his neck.

His fingers went to my clit and as he rolled them over it Krysten cried out. That sudden assault on my senses sent me over and I came clenching around Tom.

Tom stood up, holding me against him and moved me so I was lying next to Krysten. Krysten and I started to kiss and Tom and Chris switched places. Tom rolling a condom on and Chris removing his. Chris lifted my legs onto his shoulders and entered me.

As Chris started slamming into me Tom’s fingers went to my clit. I pulled Chris down, so we became a tangle of bodies, hands were everywhere on everyone. I would find myself kissing Krysten only to it then be Tom or Chris.

I felt Chris release inside of me. He slipped out but stayed tangled with us. Fingers went to my cunt but I wasn’t even sure whose they were. I came, crying out and clutching at the sheets.

We stayed like that for hours. Kissing and touching and fucking each other. Tom and Chris would come and continue to just be tangled in the mix. They would harden again and start fucking either Krysten or I. There were no rules. Just sex. When we eventually stopped it was more like we just slowed down. The touches and kisses becoming lazier and less about getting each other off. We eventually all just drifted off to sleep where we lay in a delirious sex haze.


	16. Chapter 16

Things just started moving along again. Chris left town to film ‘1.30 Train’. He was back by Christmas and we all celebrated with the Evans’ as usual.

We decided to go to New York for New Years and watch the ball drop in person. That was a little overwhelming. I do not like crowds and that was the biggest one I’ve ever experienced. People were always pushed up against us, and I had to cling to Chris’ hand a lot for fear of losing him in the crowd. Still, it was good to tick off and say I’d done it, and I was glad it was me and Chris. I would however always opt for a trademark CEvans party over doing that again in the future.

Chris was filming the next Avengers movie on and off for most of the first half of the year. Because it was an ensemble cast movie he wasn’t always required to be there while they were filming, but it did mean he would be flying in and out of Boston a lot. He also had to stay in Captain America physique for six months, which would be really taxing for him.

We weren’t sure what to do about the trying to have kids issue though. We held off for the first couple of months of the year. Chris was worried about being out of town and getting that phone call again. I was worried about that myself if I was honest. I couldn’t go through that without him again. I wasn’t sure if I could go through it at all again.

He was back home at the start of March and I think it was all starting to get to him. Elsa Hemsworth was due to give birth to their third child any day now. Both Robert and Scarlett had announced pregnancies. He was starting to feel left behind.

My friends were moving forward on the having babies front too. Amelia and Shan announced they were expecting again. This time they didn’t tell anyone until they were about six months along. They were really excited and I was excited for them. I also thought to myself, if they can do it, so can I.

So I started putting things into play for us to try again. I started eating better. I stopped smoking pot. I was already fine with the kind of exercise routine I was in so I didn’t really change that. I just tried meditation a little more to calm both my body and my mind.

In April the Winter Soldier premiered. I went to the premiere in LA with Chris but otherwise, he was out of town a lot with press for that. While he was gone I had my birth control removed. I thought if I didn’t tell him he didn’t have to worry. I could make it a surprise. He’d be happy and excited like at our wedding.

I was calm and ready. We were going to try for another baby. Unfortunately, my body disagreed. It took months for anything to happen. I think partly because Chris was just in and out of town so much. We weren’t getting the regular opportunity to put our well-honed skills to good use. It wasn’t just that though. It just wasn’t working. I started to worry that there was something actually wrong with me. That I couldn’t have children. I didn’t want to tell Chris, partly because I still wanted it to be a surprise when I did get pregnant. But also because I didn’t want to add to his stress. So I just sat on it and let the stress fester inside me. I didn’t tell anyone at all. Not Chris, not Gaby, not anyone.

There were things that happened that made it difficult to keep secret. Chris’ birthday was in June. He had it on set again. I went down and visited him, but he didn’t understand why I didn’t really drink at all but then I was also didn’t want to get particularly rough. I just told him I wasn’t in the mood which made him worried about us. Like he thought I wasn’t happy with the relationship anymore.

In July I met up at our usual trip to Comic-Con. Gaby and James came too. Chris, as usual, was working and only there for one night. So I didn’t really get to spend a lot of time with him. But I think this might have been where it finally happened. I had cosplayed as Ms. Marvel. I guess a mixture of him liking the lack of actual clothes and just general missing me, we stayed up most of the night fucking like bunnies.

A few weeks after I got back to Boston I noticed things were different. Maybe it was nothing. But my boobs hurt a little. I felt achy. It had taken so long to get pregnant, now there was a chance I was too scared to find out. Chris came home in mid-August and a week after he got back I knew for sure I was pregnant. I was throwing up. I was three weeks late. It took me another month before I was willing to get a pregnancy test and confirm it though. I just thought if I didn’t know for sure, that if something went wrong and I lost it I wouldn’t be sad because I didn’t have a chance to get attached to the baby.

Even when I did find out I didn’t want to tell Chris. Fuck it was hard hiding it from him. I honestly don’t know how I did it. When I took the test that confirmed it I wrapped it up in a plastic bag and hid it deep in the trash. I didn’t complain about feeling sick. I kind of knew when I was going to throw up and I distanced myself. I’d go to the bathroom in the furthest away room to let it happen. I did literally everything I could to hide that I was pregnant. I was so scared.

The hardest part was our sex life. He had no idea why I’d suddenly gone off BDSM. He tried to be okay about it, but he liked it too. He sometimes brought up asking Krysten to come around so we could double sub for him or maybe I could have two doms. I just lied and said she was seeing someone. I said I wasn’t really feeling that kind of thing.

He never pushed me. He was always about us being on the same page with that kind of thing, but I could tell it bothered him a little. It was a big part of us. To just suddenly stop was a shock for him.

I made sure we still had sex. It was just the slow, gentle kind. One night in September we had made love and I curled up wrapped around him. I woke up in the early morning in extreme pain. Jolts of pain shot up my spine and my stomach cramped like I’d never felt before.

I curled myself into a ball and cried out. It was like the only thing I was at that moment was pain.

Chris shot bolt upright. “Emily? What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I cried. “Something’s wrong, Chris.”

He fumbled with the lamp and finally managed to switch it on after knocking it over.

“What is it?” He asked rubbing my back. “Do you want me to take you to the ER?”

“I don’t know.” Another cramp clamped down on me and I moaned pulling my legs up tighter against me.

Chris pulled the covers back and faltered. “You’re bleeding, Emily.” He said. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

“Oh god, Chris!” I wailed. “The baby!”

Chris stopped dead. “The what? Em?”

I started to cry and he dropped it, getting out of bed. He picked up his phone and dialed 911.

“My wife might have just had a miscarriage. She’s bleeding and in a lot of pain.” He turned to me. “They want to know if I can bring you to the hospital or if you want an ambulance.”

I slowly unfolded my limbs. “You take me,” I said.

Chris hung up from the dispatcher and helped me to the bathroom. As I stripped out of my bloody pyjamas he got me some fresh ones and underwear. I put in an overnight pad and Chris drove me to the hospital.

On the way, the cramps just got worse. It hurt so badly and I knew, this was my body getting rid of another failed pregnancy. There was something wrong with me and I was never going to be able to give Chris the family he wanted. The family we both wanted. I was defective.

“Emily, are you pregnant?” Chris asked as he drove.

“Not anymore,” I said. I don’t know why I chose to use such cruel words. Why I would want to hurt him more than he’d already be hurting.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.

Another cramp hit me, so instead of an answering I just doubled over in pain. I let the physical pain I was in act as a mask for the emotional pain I was feeling and I once again broke down in tears.

We didn’t speak again until we got to the hospital and even then for the first part we were mostly answering their questions.

'How far along are you?’

'Who’s your OB-Gyn?’

'When was your last ultrasound?’

In the end, they gave me an ultrasound, dosed me up with drugs and concluded what I already knew. I’d lost the baby and my body was expelling it as painfully as it possibly could. All I could do for now was take drugs and wait it out. I had to come back in a few days and have an ultrasound to make sure the fetus had passed fully. That was basically all they could do.

While the painkillers were starting to kick in Chris called his mum and told her what had happened. He asked her if she minded going around and changing the sheets for us. She agreed despite it being four in the morning. Once again, not quite sure what I did to be included in their family.

When I was deliriously out of it, he turned to me.

“How long have you known?” He asked.

I shrugged. “I kinda guessed not long after Comic Con. I think it happened at Comic-Con. I knew for sure about a week after you got back home. I didn’t do the test until a few weeks ago.

"Emily,” Chris groaned. “Why didn’t you say something? You should have been seeing a doctor.”

I started to cry again. “I know, but I was so scared. I was scared this would happen. I thought if I pretended I wasn’t pregnant then I could get to the safe point without worrying about it. That if something went wrong I wouldn’t be so sad.”

“Em…”

“I know.”

Chris sighed and ran his hands down his face. “What went wrong with your birth control do you think? It always worked before.”

“Nothing,” I answered. “I had it taken out.”

Chris groaned. He tilted his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Babe you gotta tell me next time. This is an 'us’ thing. Not a 'you on your own’ thing.”

“I know.” I sobbed. “I wanted it to be a surprise. But Chris, it took so long. I think there must be something wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart…”

“Chris, I don’t think I can give you a family. There’s something wrong.”

“We can see doctors, babe. Let’s not jump to conclusions. You know the stats. One in four. These things happen.” Chris said taking my hands in his.

I stared down at his fingers linked with mine. The wedding band he only took off when he was filming. “We should get a divorce.” I breathed.

“Emily, just stop it.” Chris groaned.

“You want a family. If I can’t give you that…”

Chris cut me off with a kiss. I resisted. I didn’t want his affection. I wanted him to hate me as much as I hated myself. “Babe, you’re jumping the gun. Let’s mourn this baby. Okay? That’s first. No more talk of divorce or what you do and don’t think I want. I love you…”

“Yes, but…”

“No 'but’. I love you. You’re my family, Emily.” He said. “You might still be able to have babies. If you can’t or you don’t want to try again because it’s too hard. Or you’re too scared. We’ll work something else out. There are other ways for us to have children that don’t involve you carrying them. Our family starts with you and me. We’ll figure out how to add other people to it later.”

I shook my head. “You said that last time. Then you got impatient with me. Chris, can’t you see? It’s a sign. We’re wrong.” I implored.

“Emily, I’m the one that believes in signs. Not you. This isn’t a sign. It’s a struggle. We can get through it.” He wrapped his arms around me. This time I gave in, collapsing against him and sobbing into his chest.

When I finally got myself under control he ran his hands through my hair. “No more secrets. Em, I don’t want a surprise. I want to go through this with you. Alright?”

“I’m sorry.” I sniffed.

“It’s okay.” He said. “I get it. I know what you were trying to do. It’s just not what I want. We do it together if we do it again. Okay?”

“Okay.” I sniffed.


	17. Chapter 17

The cramping lasted a day before dialling back to regular period style cramping. The bleeding lasted for two weeks all up. In that time Chris went and got another tattoo. A red jelly bean to go with the green one. I wondered how many jelly beans he’d end up scattered over his pec.

When the bleeding stopped we tried to just move on with our life. He’d taken the rest of the year off from filmmaking. In fact, until he started filming the next Captain America movie, he didn’t have anything major on his plate at all.

We did a lot of talking. We decided that I should go back on my birth control and speak regularly to my therapist until I felt comfortable with a decision about whether I wanted to pursue getting pregnant again or if I would never handle that well because of our history and we tried a path like adoption or surrogacy. Until then we were going to actively enjoy being childfree. We were going to enjoy us and not just count down the days until we changed it.

That’s what we said anyway. What happened was Chris stopped coming home. He kept finding excuses to be in LA. Or he’d go agree to do press or appear at conventions. If I could go, he seemed okay with it. I didn’t feel barely tolerated. Mostly I couldn’t go though because I had commitments here in Boston. I had work I needed doing. I was left home alone a lot. He wasn’t even here for our wedding anniversary. He’d send me flowers and a little handmade wolf for the whole cotton second year thing. We skyped and it got dirty but he was away and there was no reason why he should have been. His excuse was work but he couldn’t even tell me what exactly the work was.

Then to make matters worse when he was back he kept going over to his mum’s place and not coming home. I started to think he wasn’t doing any of the things he said. That he was cheating on me. It felt ridiculous given that I’d offered to have our relationship open. So if he was it wasn’t about sex, it had to be about something else. Something he wasn’t getting from me. Which meant we were over after all.

I was at home in my pyjamas when it finally came to a head. My phone rang and I saw it was him. I knew what he was going to say even before I hit accept.

“Hey, sweetheart. I spent the day helping ma paint the front porch. Then some guys came round and I drank a bit. So I’m gonna stay over. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” He said.

“Chris…” I said, my voice coming out like a croak.

“What’s up, buttercup?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Don’t worry.”

“Alright. Sweet dreams, babe.” He said.

I hung up the phone and walked out to my car. I didn’t even put on shoes. I drove the half hour it took to get to Lisa’s place on automatic. When I got there I knocked on the door and Lisa answered.

“Emily. What’s the matter? Has something happened?” Lisa asked.

“Is Chris here?” I asked, ignoring her.

“Just in the living room.”

I walked inside and saw him sitting by himself with a beer watching TV. He looked up and smiled. “Hey, Em. Whatcha doing here, babe? You miss me?”

“Good. Good.” I said, blankly and turned around and walked back out of the house.

He wasn’t cheating on me at least. I guess that was something.

He jogged up behind me as I was walking back to my car and grabbed me by the elbow. “Em. What’s wrong?”

I turned and looked at him furrowing my brow. “You never come home anymore. I thought you were cheating on me. I guess you’re not. But I dunno. I don’t feel relieved at all.”

Chris sighed and ran his hand down the back of his head. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, Em. It’s not you. It’s the house. We bought it to raise kids in. Then since we’ve been living there we lost two babies and it’s where East died. Whenever I’m there I just feel like shit.”

“So you just thought you would never come home and just not tell me why?” I asked. “Do I matter so little to you that you can just not see me and it’s all fine for you?”

“Fuck. Em. I don’t know what to say. I leave town so often I kinda forget you’re just here on your own. I love you, I do. It’s just habit. I do miss you when we’re not together.” He said.

“Yeah, sounds like.” I shook my head. “I’m going to say it again. If you want a divorce, let’s get one. I love you, but I’m obviously not the one for you. If you can just not see me and you’re fine with it.”

“Don’t say that.” He whispered.

“Well, what am I supposed to think? You’re supposed to be home with me!” I yelled and shoved him.

He stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. “I love you, Em.”

I fought him, trying to struggle away, but he held me. “I love you, Emily.” He repeated.

“Shut up. Stop lying to me!” I said, hitting him in the chest.

“Emily. I love you. I love you.”

“Let me go! You’re a liar!”

He wouldn’t. He just held me while I fought repeating that he loved me over and over. Eventually, I had no fight left in me I collapsed against his chest and just started sobbing. He held me as I cried it out, continuing to repeat that he loved me.

When I was all cried out he tilted my face up to his and kissed me. It was long and deep and I gave myself to it completely. “I love you. Do you believe me?”

I nodded my head and sniffed.

“I promise to be more aware of what I’m doing. I didn’t intentionally mean to avoid you.” He said.

“Okay.”

“Shall we go home?” He asked.

“If you don’t like being there…”

He shook his head. “I’ll figure something out. I don’t want to sell it. We just need to make new memories in it I guess.”

“Okay.”

“You’re gonna need to drive though. I wasn’t lying when I said I drank a few beers.” Chris said. I laughed and he smiled at me tilting his head to the side. “There she is. I’m sorry. Really. I was a selfish idiot.”

“Yes, you were.”

“I’ll do better. I’m not perfect though. I’m gonna fuck up sometimes.”

We got home and as soon as I stepped through the door Chris grabbed me from behind and pushed me up against the wall, his hands going up under my pyjama shirt. I braced my hands on the wall as he kissed along the side of my neck. Sucking on my skin. His whole body was pressed against mine and he ground into me. I could feel his cock just beginning to stiffen against my arse.

“Never ever think I don’t love you or that I don’t want you, Emily. That you aren’t mine. You will always be mine. Every part of me wants you.” To emphasise his point he pushed his dick hard up against my arse.

I moaned and arched back into him. “Yes, Chris. I’m all yours.”

He started unbuttoning my top. When the last one was free he yanked it down off me and turned me to face him. He lifted me up and pushed me back against the wall, my legs wrapped around his tiny waist. He started to suck on my nipples, pulling them into his mouth and slowly dragging them back before letting them go. It was a weird kind of torture. That pleasure and pain line that my body always ached for.

Heat filled my cunt as my arousal grew and seeped out of me. “Here or upstairs?” He growled.

“No.” I moaned.

“No what?”

“You can’t just have me when you choose,” I said.

Chris dropped me to my feet. “Oh, you want to play it like that do you? Want me to show you who’s boss? Have me force you?” He started to push down his sweats. “I hope you know little girls that don’t play nice don’t get to come.”

I shook my head. “No, Chris. I’m yours but you have to beg me. Beg me to let you inside me again. Beg me to let you taste me. Fuck it. You can beg me to let you touch yourself. Let’s not pretend you’ve ever been the boss. I’m the fucking boss.”

I ducked under his arm and started heading to the stairs when I got onto the first step he grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. He dropped to his knees and pressed his face against my thighs. “Please, Emily. Please. I need you.”

“Be specific.” I hissed.

He looked up at me, his blue eyes looked so sad. “I need to wake up next to you so I can watch you sleeping for that little bit longer than I do. I need you to give me shit and keep me down to earth. I need you to hold me when my anxiety gets too much. I need to be able to do the same for you. I need your loud obnoxious laugh. I need those weird scientific facts you pull out of nowhere. I need you to go camping with and to join me on my morning run. I need you to look at me the way you do when you suddenly remembered that it’s the stupid things about me that you love. And the way you do when you’re trying to make it look like you don’t think I’m hot. I need to hear your cute accent, especially when you call me an asshole. Or when you say some Australian slang and I have no idea what you’re talking about. I need to be able to wash your hair and watch the rainbow suds run down your bare skin. I need you to love me, Emily. I love you so much and every time you ask me to break up with you it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that you don’t think I love you and need you as much as I know you love me. As much as I love you and need you with every piece of me.”

I dropped to my knees and kissed him. I kissed him pouring every piece of love and desire I had for him into it. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and he gave me full access. As we kissed I pulled him down over me. The stairs digging into my back didn’t even bother me. I needed him then and there. I wriggled out of my pyjama pants and he pushed his sweats down just enough to free his cock before he was inside me.

I moaned, throwing my head back and he started kissing and sucking along my throat. “I love you, Emily. Tell me you know that. I need to know you know that.”

“I do know. I do.” I cried as he thrust into me. “I don’t deserve it, but I know.” I wrapped my arms around his chest and dug my fingers into his back.

He returned his mouth to mine. We kissed as we moved together on the stair. Chris grabbed hold of one of the legs of the banister and I moved my hand to his bicep and ran my fingers over it as it tightened as he strained to hold on.

We were frantic as we moved. Thrusting and writhing together on the stairs. I twisted under him, as I tried to get his cock to penetrate me deeper and hit different points within me. Chris moved his hand to my throat and kissed my jaw.

I felt my core muscles clench and when they relaxed I came. It was like Chris was waiting for me because as the last shudders of orgasm ran through me he jerked suddenly and I felt him spill.

He stayed on top of me, his cock softening while still inside of me. “Emily, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He whispered his mouth right up against my ear. “I hope you know that. You only deserve good things. You definitely deserve my love and you have it.”

I felt my eyes prick with tears and I hugged him squeezing my face into his neck. “I love you too, Chris.”

He laughed and kissed the top of my head. “I know.”


	18. Chapter 18

October brought with it Gaby’s wedding. She had me and her sisters be her bridesmaids. There were four of them so it was a huge bridal party. She also didn’t make us wear pink, which was a massive relief. The dresses were actually cotton and almost tie-dyed looking. More accurately they looked like a watercolour print of blending colours forming a kind of rainbow down the fabric. It was very Southern California. I could already picture the wedding photos with the bright blue sky

For her hen’s night, we went to Vegas. Her friends and family didn’t have to travel far to get there and we booked a large suite at Caesar’s Palace. Chris paid for it and told Gaby that could be her wedding present. Not sure how that benefitted them as a couple, but Gaby was pretty pleased. We didn’t do the gambling thing so much. We all went and ate at Bacchanal before getting a limo and going to see the Thunder from Down Under. Man do women get squealy when there’s a strip show going on.

I mean I guess the alcohol helped a lot too. Everyone got completely shit-faced. Even Gaby’s mum was getting right into it. Cheering and catcalling the men. I had honestly thought going in that the whole thing was stupid, about halfway through and 3 margaritas later I was hollering with the best of them.

After the show, we headed back to the hotel to play those stupid hen’s night games people play. It was actually pretty late and we were already losing people by the time we were making wedding dresses out of toilet paper.

Gaby in her drunken state had begun waxing sentimental. It was really cute. She was going from person to person and telling them how much she loved them and what made them special. When she got to me she was so drunk and starting to fall asleep.

“My sister’s got mad ‘cause I made you the maid of honour, but they don’t know that you’re like my best sister.” She slurred at me patting me on the face.

“Aww, thanks, Gaby. You’re like my best sister too. Only I don’t have any real sisters to compare too.” I drunkenly agreed.

Gaby got to her feet. “I know! I’ll get my mom to adopt you! Your parents are shit!” She shouted. “Oh sorry…” She added, whispering the last bit.

“No, no, no.” I slurred. “You’re right. My parents are shit. So shit.”

“Mama!” Gaby shouted. Then something in Spanish. I don’t really know what. While my Spanish was getting better, it wasn’t drunk translating good. “You’ll adopt her right?”

“Of course you can be my new daughter, Emily.” Gaby’s mum answered.

I grinned widely. “Thank you, Mrs. Martínez.”

“That’s mama to you.” She replied.

Gaby fell back on the couch and looked at me. “How come we never made out?”

“You’re my sister! That’s disgusting!” I yelled, loudly.

Gaby started giggling and cuddled up close against me. “I’m getting married.” She mumbled.

I stroked her hair. “You sure are. You’re going to be so beautiful.”

Gaby smiled and closed her eyes. “I know I am.”

* * *

Gaby’s wedding was held in the afternoon in Balboa Park. She had the ceremony in the rose garden under the arch in the centre. Chris came with us and waiting up the back of the crowd for us to arrive. The roses weren’t in bloom but the garden still looked green and beautiful.

Gaby’s niece and nephew went first blowing bubbles into the air. Then her sisters followed in order from youngest to oldest. Each carrying a different coloured bunch of gerberas. Then it was my turn. I spotted Chris and he smiled widely at me. I walked to the arch and stood to the side. The wedding march started and Gaby walked down through the maze of flowers and up to the arch arm in arm with her dad.

James looked like his heart was going to burst as he watched her. His whole face was alight and he was smiling broadly. When she made it to the arch her dad pushed the veil from her face and gave her a kiss before going to sit down.

The ceremony was pretty standard. They hadn’t written their own vows or anything. Her ring was this pretty yellow gold and his a solid gold band. When she took his from me she was shaking a little and nearly dropped it.

After the whole kiss, the bride everyone just cheered so loudly. It was so beautiful and Gaby just looked as happy as I’d ever seen her. It made my heart burst. We signed the wedding certificate and did photos around the park while her guests all went to the reception. Chris, who really only knew me hovered about holding things for people and when I was free to go while Gaby and James had couples photos taken we wandered over to the art gallery where the reception was taking place.

“He’s really in love with her, huh?” Chris said, linking his hand with mine.

I leaned into him. “Looks that way. Man, his face when he saw her.”

Chris laughed. “Looked like he’d seen the stars for the first time.”

I stopped him and leaned up and kissed him. “I love you that much.”

“I love you more.” He countered and kissed my nose.

The reception was beautiful. It was in the sculpture garden and had these beautiful coloured lanterns hung around the trellising. The sculptures were all illuminated and the tower of the Museum of man was lit up and loomed over it. It’s beautiful Portuguese architecture looked particularly stunning lit up at night.

Chris sat at a table with the other partners of the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and he seemed to make friends pretty quickly. He was soon laughing and joking with everyone over dinner.

The toasts came next and I was the one who had to start. I was pretty fucking nervous, to be honest. I know I give lectures as part of my job, or well I did at one point. Even still I fucking hate public speaking.

The emcee thanked everyone for coming and called me over. I got up a little shakily and cleared my throat. “Hi everyone. My name is Emily. Gaby is my best friend in the entire world. I don’t make friends easily, but when I met her it just clicked. She was my soulmate and she couldn’t have come into my life at a better time. I was new to Los Angeles. I didn’t know anyone. We worked together and our boss took us out to the desert together. By the time we got home, we had made a million plans. We were going to parties and galas and doing movie marathons.

"Gaby has been there by my side during some of the worst things in my life, never wavering. She has been there for some of the best things too. I have been so grateful to have her.”

I swallowed and looked over to her. She smiled up at me. “I love her so much. She’s basically my sister. Well, I think it’s official now because her mum said she’d adopt me which is nice.”

There was a little bit of laughter at that one and I relaxed a little. “I remember once we had a conversation about soul mates. I said I didn’t believe there was just one. That we had many. Some were just temporary. Ships in the night passing and being there for when you need them. Others were permanent. But they all filled different roles. Gaby is one of mine. I know that for a fact.

"She told me that was nice, but she wished she could get the one she got to have sex with.”

There was loud laughter at that. I looked over at Chris and he was clutching his pec. “Well anyway, that wasn’t me obviously much to my dismay. But I think she found him now. James as different as he seems on the outside, all quiet and English and very, very white, is just her puzzle piece. They complete each other. I’m so happy you got to find the soulmate you get to have sex with, Gaby.”

I picked up my glass and raised it. “So raise your glasses to soulmates and to Gaby and James.”

A mutter of 'to Gaby and James’ washed through the garden and there was clinking. When I went to sit down Gaby hugged me tightly and James gave me a kiss on the cheek. There were more toasts to be had. The best man was hilarious, as was Gaby’s dad.

When the dancing started Chris came and dragged me onto the dance floor. “So I’m your soul mate that gets to have sex with you?” He asked.

I laughed putting my head on his chest. “I mean, you’re one of a few that get that.”

Chris lost it laughing. “Then what makes me special?”

I ran my finger over his bottom lip. “You’re the soul mate who gets every piece of me. Who has seen parts of me that no one else has ever seen. Who I wake up next to and who I will grow old with.”

Chris nipped at my finger and looked down at me. “Fuck I love it when romantic Emily comes out.” He sighed and kissed me. I was long and deep, and both his hands went to my face.

“What can I say, weddings.” I smiled.


	19. Chapter 19

At the start of November Chris and I talked to Krysten about occasionally joining us in the bedroom the way Tom did from time to time. If she was single and in the mood. She agreed pretty readily and one day in mid-November she came home with me after pole dancing class.

Chris was outside mowing the yard when we pulled up. He was in a red plaid shirt and was red-faced and sweating. He turned the mower off when he saw us and came over smiling. “Hello, ladies.” He said, trying to sound sleazy.

“Hey, dork,” I said, kissing him hello. He slipped his arm around my waist. “Krysten and I were thinking of having a shower.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I probably could use one myself.” He said.

“Well, by all means, you should join us.” Krysten teased, a half smile playing over her lips.

We all headed to the main bathroom. We stripped off our clothes and hopped into the shower together. We touched and kissed but mostly just washed off the sweat and dirt from what we’d just been doing. We did discuss what our plans were though.

“I do like the idea of being in the middle, to be honest,” Krysten said. Chris had his arms around her and she was trailing her fingers over his chest. “I would love to sub for you Chris. After talking with Emily about what you do and with you about hard limits I’m quite excited by it. I was thinking though it might be nice to be the alpha sub. You could make me do things to Emily. It can be stressful on the emotions being like that, but I think we could do it.”

“Em?” Chris said, raising an eyebrow at me.

I nodded. “Yes, please.”

“Shall we get out and get dressed?” Chris asked.

I nodded and kissed him. We all stepped out of the water wrapped towels around us. We headed to the bedroom and Chris turned to us. “You girls get dressed in the spare room. I’ll set up in here. I’ll come get you when I’m ready. Emily, as soon as you’re ready to participate you are to stop talking. You aren’t to speak at all this session unless you need to safe word.”

I smiled. “Alright.”

I retrieved the underwear I wanted to wear and my hair and makeup from the bathroom and Krysten and I went to the spare bedroom to get ready.

Krysten put on a black corset she had brought along with her, and I helped cinch it tight around her waist. She had matching black panties and stockings, as well as heels so high I am surprised anyone could even walk in them.

I wore black too but opted for the more comfortable bra and pantie combo with garter. We did each other’s hair and make-up. Krysten tied her hair back into a smooth ponytail. For her makeup, we went with cat-eyes and dark red lips. Mine we went with doe eyes and more natural shade of red. We set my hair so it fell in waves down my back and went and waited for Chris.

I got down on the floor and sat by Krysten’s feet. She sat on the bed and gently stroked my hair.  "You’re such a good girl, Emily. Chris is going to be so proud of you when he sees you sitting there waiting for him.“ Krysten cooed. She continued to talk to me as we waited. Telling me that she hoped Chris would let her eat me out. How she was going to tell Chris that I’d been naughty so he’d spank me and then that she’d tell the truth so she got spanked too.

When we heard the sound of Chris coming she stood and looked expectantly at the door, her fingers still stroking through my hair.

Chris stepped through the door. He was wearing a grey three-piece suit and he held a collar and lead in his hand.

"There’s my girls. Have you been behaving?” Chris asked.

“We’ve been so good for you, sir,” Krysten answered.

“I’m happy to see that Emily is on the ground. Right where she belongs.” He approached me and ran his palm over my cheek. “Isn’t that right?”

I gazed up at him and he smiled and started attaching the collar to my neck and hooked the leash to it before handing it to Krysten. “Come along then.”

We followed Chris to the master bedroom, Krysten leading me as I crawled along on my hands and knees. Chris took off his jacket as he walked in the door and hung it up while Krysten and I waited by the bed. She stood beside me stroking my hair again while we waited for Chris. Chris had brought out a large variety of things to use on us. The bed was already set up with cuffs. Our chest was out and on top lay a variety of things such as butt plugs, vibrators, a paddle, the cane. There were cuffs hanging from the door frame too. Chris had some serious plans.

He came back from the closet, rolling his sleeves up and he sat down on the lounge chair that sat in the corner of our bedroom. He reclined back, legs spread and looked at us.

“Krysten. I want you to plug her.” Chris said.

Krysten used the lead to pull me to my feet. She stepped behind me, so we were both facing Chris and she ran her hands up my torso. When she reached my breasts she squeezed them and licked the side of my neck. I hummed and leaned into her. She grabbed my hair suddenly and spun me pushing me so I was bent over the bed.

She stepped away from me and when she returned she yanked my panties down. She spread my cheeks and the cold bite of the lube hit my skin and trickled down between my crack. She pressed the silicone plug up against my arsehole and pushed it in.

I whimpered at the slight pinch and she slapped me before pulling my panties back up.

Chris cleared his throat. Krysten turned to look at him. “Did I ask you to spank her?” He said, cooly.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Krysten whined. “She was being whiney.”

“Come here.” He said. “Emily, sit back on the floor and look at me, baby girl.”

I slid to the flood and sat on my knees. Krysten walked over to Chris. He patted his lap and she lay over it. He slapped her ass and she yelped.

“You do as I say. Do you understand me?” Chris snapped.

Krysten yelped and wriggled on Chris’ lap. “Sorry, sir.”

He struck her another three times on her ass before pushing her off his lap. “Go make it up to her.” He said.

Krysten crawled over to me. She pulled the collar from behind and I lay backward. She yanked my panties down, making the snaps on my garter pop off. I spread my legs and she immediately started lapping at my cunt. Her tongue making broad strokes over my pussy. I moaned and closed my eyes.

“Emily. Watch me, baby girl.” Chris purred.

I forced my eyelids open and looked over at him. He just sat watching us. His hands resting on the arm of the chair. But I could see the way his pants were tented. He was enjoying watching us. I moaned and arched my back.

Krysten focused her tongue into a point and began flicking it over my clit. She pushed two of her fingers into my cunt and began moving them in and out. Corkscrewing her hand and curling them so the stroked over my inner walls.

I couldn’t keep quiet. Heat spread through me and little jolts would rock through my body, causing me to spasm under her. I moaned and cried out and writhed under her. An orgasm hit me and my body seized up as it took hold of me.

“Okay. That’s enough.” Chris said, strumming his fingers over the chair. “Over here both of you.”

We both crawled over slowly looking up at him. He unfastened his pants, pulled his cock out and shifted his hips forward. Krysten and I moved, so one of us was on either side of his legs and we immediately started sucking his cock, both of us bent over his lap. We started by kissing over his length. Out tongues teasing each other over his shaft. Krysten took him into her mouth first. Bobbing up and down and making a soft humming sound. I bent my head sideways and lapped over his balls. We then switched and I took him right to the back of my throat. My lips pressed against his groin. I moved up and down, hollowing my cheeks as I pulled back before we switched again. This time Chris grabbed me by the jaw and pulled me up to him.

He kissed me aggressively. His teeth pulling at my bottom lip. When he broke it he started whispering to me. “Should I fuck her do you think? Would you like to watch that, baby girl? I was thinking I’d do that while you were tied up. And then after I’d cane you. I know you’ve been very good, but I also know you like it. Would you like it, baby? Maybe Krysten can eat you out while I do.”

I squirmed. My cunt dripped thinking about the ways he planned to torture me. Chris pushed me to the ground and grabbed both Krysten and I by the hair. He pushed our faces towards each other and we began to kiss. It was a graphic wet kiss that was more tongues than anything else. It was meant for him, not for each other.

“Krysten, go tie her to the bedhead and then I want you to bend over the edge of the bed,” Chris growled.

Krysten led me to the bed. I lay back on the mattress right in the middle of the bed and she buckled my wrists to the headboard. I was sitting up and when she bent over she positioned herself so she was directly between my legs.

Chris got up. He approached the bedside table and got out a condom. Opened it and then rolled it on.

“Where do you want it, princess?” Chris growled.

“In my ass. Fuck my ass, sir.” Krysten begged.

Chris picked up the lube and stepped up behind Krysten. He slapped her ass and she squeaked, gripping at the quilt. “Beg me for it. Beg your sir for his dick.”

“Oh god. Please, sir. Please fuck my ass. I want it so badly.” Krysten pleaded.

Chris spread her cheeks and held the lube up, squeezing it so I could see it trickle down, splattering over her ass. He smeared it around and then slammed into her. Krysten cried out, her face contorted and her hands clenched.

Chris paused for a moment, waiting for her to indicate if she was ready for more.

“Oh god. Yes, sir. Fuck my ass.” Krysten cried. A half smile played across Chris’ lips and he started to rail into her. Just mercilessly slamming into her again and again.

“Fuck, sir. You’re so big. It hurts so good.” Krysten moaned.

Watching them was some kind of exquisite torture. I knew exactly what it felt like for Chris to be fucking me like that. I knew how good it felt and how much it hurt. That sudden sting blossoming on my skin every time he slapped me. They looked so good too. Chris was still mostly dressed. His eyes were dark. His face set in a look of concentration. He kept his hands pressed in Krysten’s back. The tendons in his forearm pulled taught and his veins stood out prominently on his skin.

Krysten had a look that was indiscernible between torture and ecstasy. She kept talking too. Pleading for him to never stop.

I wanted to join in. To touch them. To talk to them. To touch myself. Instead, I was bound and ordered to keep silent, as my cunt dripped and ached to be touched.

Krysten started chanting ‘fuck’ over and over and her body seized up. Her hand grasping at his arms. She screamed out and I actually moaned with her. Like her orgasm was so intense I’d felt a part of it.

Chris pulled out of her and grabbed her by the hair pulling her to the ground. She kneeled in front of him and opened her mouth. He pulled his condom off and started pumping his cock. He came with a long, low moan spilling thick, white come on her face and chest. Something he wouldn’t dare to me. Krysten had different hard limits to me though. He was taking advantage of them.

He tucked himself away again and threw the condom in the trash. Next, he went to the chest and threw Krysten a hand towel. She cleaned herself up and waited kneeling on the floor for further instruction.

Chris picked up the Hitachi magic wand and walked over to the bed. He plugged it in and sat down beside me. “Now, what shall we do with you, beautiful?” He purred, stroking his fingers up and down my folds. “Look at this. So wet for us.”

He spread my folds and pressed the magic wand against my clit and turned it on. I cried out as the buzz travelled through me from my pussy out and bucked under him my arms yanking at my restraints.

“Princess, come here and help me.” Chris purred.

Krysten crawled up onto the bed and kneeled down opposite Chris.

“Hold this here.” He said.

Krysten took the wand and held it against my clit. Chris moves between my legs and pulled me down towards him a little he then pushed three of his fingers into my cunt as far as they could go and pushed down on my g-spot. I came with a yell, twisting my body to try and escape them.

Neither of them eased up. Krysten continued to just hold the wand in place as Chris pushed and dragged his fingers over my g-spot again and again. It never even felt like my orgasm abated. I kept coming and coming. Not even when it took such extreme hold of me that I squirted, gushing over Chris, ruining his suit, did they ease up. I felt high from the endorphins and weak. My voice raw from screaming out. I must have actually blacked out because the next thing I knew the vibrator had been put to the side and Chris was unfastening me from the headboard.

“Can you stand?” He asked.

I nodded and he smiled darkly at me. “Good”. He growled.

He dragged me over to the door frame and then attached my arms above the door. Krysten followed us and he cuffed her too and hooked her to the frame beside me. We stood shoulder to shoulder, hands above our heads and he brought out the cane.

Chris caned us. He would hit first one then the other. All off Krysten’s were struck over her ass. She had a strict nowhere else rule. For me, however, I was caned over my back, the back of my thighs. On that line where my legs meet my ass that is nothing but blinding pain when it’s struck.

Chris knew what he’s doing. He checked in periodically. He knew how to hit with a cane that didn’t do serious damage, but he broke skin. At least on me. Both Krysten and I cried out. She begged him. I never spoke. Not breaking the rule that had been placed on me. I felt like I was nothing but pain. Which on top of the endorphin high I’d just experienced made my body counter with a huge adrenaline rush. Then it happened. I entered subspace.

It wasn’t like disassociating. Not exactly. It was like taking some serious pain meds and going on a trip. Nothing hurt anymore and I felt far off, foggy and elated. Chris checked in on me and I tried to speak but only gibberish came out.

Chris lifted me down from the wall and supported me as he unhooked Krysten.

“You both did so well. I’m so proud of you.” He cooed and he picked me up and carried me to the bed as he supported Krysten over.

I started shaking my head and pointing at the hook. I wanted more. Harder. He couldn’t stop now.

“Nope. We’re done, Em. Time to relax.” Chris said.

He lay me down and Krysten lay next to me. I stared up at the ceiling enjoying the crazy high I was on.

“Kris, I normally run a bath about now to get cleaned up. Would you like a bath and some painkillers?” Chris asked.

“Yes please.” She said, curling up against me.

Chris left the room and Krysten kissed my cheek. “Lucky girl. I haven’t hit subspace for years.”

I just hummed and rolled over to face her. She started to kiss me. It felt good but far away. Eventually, Chris returned. He picked me up and helped Krysten to her feet, taking us back to the master bathroom.

He sat me on the tiled floor and helped both Krysten and I get naked. He helped Krysten into the tub first. “Are you okay with me hopping in too? Only it’s what Emily prefers and with how she is now I’m a little worried about her drowning.”

“I’d love it. Thank you.” She answered.

He stripped off his suit and picked me up lowering us both in the water at once. He positioned me so I lay between his legs my head on his chest and when he was in place he pulled the tray over.

I have no idea what was on it, I was literally too far out of it. But Krysten shifted so she was lying down against Chris her head in the crook of his shoulder. I think she took some painkillers. She definitely started smoking a joint.

I was just happily trailing my fingertips through Chris’ beard.

“Fuck, she’s high as a kite,” Chris said, kissing my fingers. “I’ve read about it, but I’ve never seen it.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda hard to get. I’ve been there a couple of times. Best high ever.” Krysten replied.

“How are you doing?” Chris asked. “I had planned on getting you off again. I hope it wasn’t not enough.”

Krysten laughed. “It was good. I feel really good right now.”

I licked my lips and looked up at Chris. “You could have kept going. I feel good.” I whispered.

Chris laughed and pecked me on the head. “She speaks again. I think the point where you can’t form the word green or red is the point you stop, babe.”

“You’re no fun.” I pouted.

“That’s me. No fun, Chris.”


	20. Chapter 20

My sub high almost lasted six hours. Chris was really put through his paces looking after me. Krysten was no help. She thought it was hilarious and she was drilling me with questions to get my ridiculous answers, which she thought were hilarious because of course, she’d started smoking pot. We all had sex again while I was still tripping. It was giggly and stupid but I remember really enjoying myself. Then I had my drop which was one of the worst I’d had. I cried and I couldn’t seem to get warm. Chris held me against him wrapped in a quilt and told me I was going to be fine.

I needed to do a trip into the woods for work. Chris was pretty keen to join me. After the incident of him never being around he had decided to be with me as much as he reasonably could. Not that he didn’t have his own life. He did. He still went and drank with his friends or had to leave town, but he really seemed to want to make an extra effort to make sure I never felt abandoned.

Also, he does really love camping.

So we filled up the truck with all my gear, food and Chris’ guitar and we went bush as we Aussies would say. Only you know; it was the Forest of Massachusetts, not the bush. Most of the autumn foliage had dropped from the trees and the ground was just a blanket of orange and red. While the trees were looking a little ominous and dead, ready to conserve energy for winter.

We found our camp spot and I set up the repellants while Chris put up the tent. I then went and set up my GPS equipment. “Oh check this out. They’re kind of all around us right now. There’s a couple of bears north, and one to the east. Some coyotes dotted all around, and a wolf pack just South.” I said pointing at the various spots lit up on the map.

“Oh good! We’re gonna get eaten.” Chris snarked.

I gave him a shove. “You love camping. Did you think they weren’t around just because you couldn’t see them?”

“What you don’t know can’t hurt you,” Chris said, nodding sagely.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m fairly sure that’s not true for bears,” I said, giving him a kiss. “Now come on and help me set some traps.”

Chris and I gathered up my equipment and then went on a hike around the camp, setting up the humane traps to see what non-predators are around. “God, I really do love your job. Being out here is even better than in Joshua Tree. I love how the air smells and how cool it is.”

“And how you don’t have to carry seven litres of water with you?” I asked.

“Who talks in litres? You’re in America, Emily. Ah-mer-ee-ca.” Chris taunted.

I punched him in the side and he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back. “I will never, ever use gallons as a unit of measurement. Ever.” I argued.

“You’ll use it.” He said, pulling me close to him and starting to tickle me. “How many gallons of come am I going to make you swallow, Emily?”

I squealed and tried to pull away or tickle him back. He held my hands pinned together as he continued to tickle me. “Stop it!”

“How many gallons?” He repeated, his fingers digging into my sides.

I was squirming in his arms laughing like crazy. “Stop being disgusting!”

“How many, Emily?” He laughed.

I somehow managed to stop squealing long enough to answer. “The average male ejaculate is 3.7 milliliters. Now let me go.”

He let me go and doubled over laughing. “How do you even know that?”

“I’m a biologist,” I said, panting. “Now stop trying to make me use your stupid backward units of measurement and let’s go back to the camping spot.”

He approached me and cupped my jaw in his hands. “I’ve got a better idea.” He whispered and brought his lips to mine. We kissed slowly and deeply and he started walking me up towards a tree.

“Are you seriously using gallons of jizz as the start of foreplay,” I asked looking up at him as he fumbled to open my cargo pants.

“Look. Emily.” Chris said like he was explaining something to a child. “You’ve only been with a few people, whereas it’s public knowledge I can and do get it a lot. Trust me. Gallons of jizz is a sure-fire chick magnet.”

He managed to open my fly and he licked his fingers and slipped them between my folds as I stood pressed against the tree. His fingers stroked up and down my fold and we kissed again. I reached for his jeans, but he grabbed my hand and pinned it over my head. “Not yet.” He breathed, before going straight back to kissing me.

He started to focus the tips of his fingers on my clit. Drawing tight circles over it and rolling it between his thumb and index finger. I moaned against his lips and he moved them to my throat. Kissing and sucking right on my pulse point under my jaw.

“Fuck, Chris.” I moaned. He let my hands go and crouched down in front of me. He started tonguing my clit. Flicking it and lapping in broad strokes. He leaned against the tree trunk with one hand. With the other, he started teasing at the entrance to my cunt. He circled around it and pushed two fingers just inside and spread them. I gasped and thrust my hips against him.

My fluids started running down his hand and he suddenly thrust his fingers inside of me and sucked my clit into his mouth. I cried out and my knees buckled. “Fuck, Chris. Please.” I begged, my fingers clutching at the bark of the tree. Chris hummed and started stroking his finger over my g-spot as he pressed his lips on my clit and stroked his tongue over it.

My body went into overload. I was buzzing and felt slightly out of my own control. I came, my legs giving out on me and I slid down the tree.

Chris caught me and stood up, holding me against him for a moment. “You okay, Em?” He whispered.

“Uh huh,” I whined, settling back on my feet.

“That’s good.” He purred and kissed me fiercely. I went to wrap my arms around his neck and he stopped me, taking one hand and putting it on his dick. I dropped to my knees and he pulled it out. I took him in my mouth. Chris moaned and grabbed my hair. He started guiding me on his cock. I still had most of the control. I licked and sucked. I rolled my tongue around his shaft and hollowed my cheeks. He just half guided the depth. Even still it was easy to resist him or go deeper when I wanted to. It was like he wasn’t exactly trying to have control, he was just getting swept up in his own pleasure.

He was soon panting and moaning. I gazed up at him. I loved watching as I brought him undone like this. He had his head held back and I could see the tendons sticking out on his neck. The salty flavour of his come started filling my taste buds as he leaked precome.

He pulled off suddenly and pulled me to my feet, turning me to face the tree and pushing me against it. I braced myself bending over slightly and he entered me from behind. He held one hand on my hip, his fingers digging bruises into my flesh. The other went to my clit and started working it with his fingers.

“Oh Jesus, Chris. That’s it.” I moaned, gripping the tree trunk.

Chris slammed into me and I nearly fell forward. “Fuck, Emily.” He groaned loudly.

He started to really fuck me hard. I had trouble stopping myself falling over. My hands kept readjusting against the tree trunk. Bark crumbled under my fingers as I scrambled for purchase.  Chris grabbed my hair and pulled me so I was standing holding me by the throat.

“You make me so hard for you. I just have to have you all the time.” He whispered, against my ear.

“Oh god yes, Chris.” I moaned.

His fingers started moving faster but his thrusting slowed, becoming more of a slow roll against me. Sweat started to bead on my skin. My skin prickled and I could feel my orgasm right there.

“Fuck. Please, Chris.” I whined.

He pinched my clit and I came again, hard. My legs shook as it washed over me. The pulsing and squeezing of my cunt must have sent him over too because he only lasted a few more thrusts before he spilled inside of me.

I took a moment steadying myself, hugging the tree for dear life. Chris pulled up his pants and tucked himself away and then hugged me from behind. “Did I break you?” He asked, pulling my panties and cargo pants back up and doing up the fly.

“I think you might have.” I sighed and leaned into him. He wrapped his arm around me and we started heading back to the campsite. “You just fucked me in the woods like some kind of wild animal.”

Chris grinned at me and gave me a squeeze. “I am some kind of wild animal.”

I burst out laughing. “You’re some kind of something, Evans. You’re some kind of something.”


	21. Chapter 21

The rest of November was just spent between work and prepping for my birthday. Tom was coming to visit again. I had lots of cool friends and family nearby. I was looking forward to having a party at my house. Then something happened that made any plans I had insignificant and redundant.

Three days before the party Chris and I were sleeping. He was draped over me and I was snapped out of a dream about travelling with the Doctor by my phone.

I scrabbled for it in the dark, half asleep and managed to answer it without even checking to see who was calling.

“Hello?” I said blearily.

“Emily? It’s your Aunt Tracey.” The voice said on the other end. “I know it’s late but I thought you’d want to know straight away.”

I sat up and my chest tightened. My Aunt and Uncle spoke exclusively through me via facebook.  I literally don’t think I’d ever even spoken to them on the phone in my life. I sat bolt upright.

“What’s wrong?” I said.

Chris looked up at me blinking, his brow furrowed.

“It’s your dad. He had a heart attack. He passed away about an hour ago.” Tracey said.

It felt like time stopped. How could this have happened? He was only in his mid-fifties. I was supposed to fix things with him. How could he have died hating me?

“Emily are you still there?” Tracey asked.

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m here.” I answered. It came out monotone. Like I was a robot.

“I know things were tense between you. I understand if you don’t want to be there. I just thought someone should tell you. The funeral is in Canberra on Wednesday of next week. I can send you the details if you want to come.” She explained.

“Yes, please. I’ll come. I should come.” I answered.

“Are you okay, Emily?” She asked.

“I think so. I don’t know. It’s a shock. Are you okay?” I replied.

She laughed. It was hollow. “I feel the same way, honey. I’ll let you go. Maybe I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay. I love you.” I said.

“Love you too.” She disconnected the call and I put my phone back on the bedside table.

“Who was that?” Chris asked as I lay back down.

“Aunt Tracey,” I answered.

He put his arm over me. “Is everything okay?”

“My dad died,” I said.

“Oh fuck. Emily…” Chris hissed.

I pressed my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I started to cry.

* * *

I called off my party. My closest friends still came to see me. Gaby, Krysten, Tom, Chris’ family. It was really low key and mostly I didn’t socialise. I was just sad. I felt stupidly angry about how much grief I was feeling considering I’d already had to get used to the fact my dad wasn’t going to be a part of my life. It just rekindled all my guilt and hatred of myself. The rejection I felt from my family. The fact I hadn’t managed to start my own family. I was once again feeling certain that despite how I had this new family of people who appeared to love me, that they must not really. It was only a matter of time before they realised I was unlovable too and abandoned me.

The funeral was the day before Thanksgiving which meant we had to miss that. I told Chris to just stay but he refused. I should have felt relieved or thankful that he wanted to support me. All it did was make me worry that he’d be resentful that he missed the holiday with his family to be with me.

We flew to Australia on Sunday and arrived Tuesday morning, exhausted and jetlagged. We’d hired a car again and I drove to our hotel almost completely on autopilot. Canberra had changed a fair amount. Roads had been added and expanded to make room for the rapidly growing population. Even still, it was my home and I knew where I was going.

We slept despite knowing it wasn’t a good idea. I was just completely bone achingly exhausted and I don’t think I could have stayed awake if I wanted to.

We woke at six that night and headed out to get something to eat. Thankfully no one ever expects to see celebrities in Canberra so we went unharassed. We ate at a Chinese restaurant in the extremely lame equivalent of Chinatown.

We were sitting waiting for our food and just not talking. We’d hardly said anything to each other for the last couple of days that hadn’t been necessary getting through the day talk. I was just not able to hold a conversation for some reason. Especially when it turned to my dad. I’d just break down.

I tapped my chopsticks on the table not really even looking at him. “Jackie Chan’s parents own this restaurant,” I said.

Chris looked up at me startled. “What?”

“You know, Jackie Chan?”

“Well not personally. But I know who he is.” Chris replied.

I looked up at him. “Jackie Chan’s parents own this restaurant. Or they did. His mum died a while back. I don’t know if his dad is still around and if he owns it anymore.”

Chris burst out laughing. “That was the most random piece of information that was dumped on me out of nowhere, ever. How do you even know that?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. Small town. People talk.”

Chris leaned over the table and took my hand. “Are you okay, Emily? I’m really worried about you.”

I shook my head and blinked back tears. “Not really.”

“You should talk about it, babe. You know I’m right here.” Chris said, his thumb stroking over the back of my hand.

The waiter brought out our entrees. Spring rolls, chili eggplant, and steamed dumplings. I bit into a spring roll and used the time it took me to chew and swallow it to figure out how to say what I was feeling without it setting me off crying in the middle of the restaurant.

I swallowed and took a deep breath. “Along with the fact that he’s my dad and even though he was completely shitty to me, he still raised me. And now he’s gone. I feel like I failed because I didn’t fix our relationship…”

Chris tilted his head to the side and adjusted his blue ball cap. “Oh, babe. I understand. That wasn’t your job though. He was the one that disowned you…”

“And I was the one that made him.” I countered. He went to speak again and I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not the point. I wanted it fixed. Now it never will be. He died hating me. He died hating his only daughter. I will never be able to fix it. Not ever.”

Chris got out of his chair and came over and hugged me, holding me against his chest. “I’m sorry. I know there’s nothing I can say that will make that better. We’re here now though. Maybe you can fix it with your mom?”

“I just keep thinking that with this and the babies, I’m not supposed to have a family. It’s not meant for me. That it’s only a matter of time before you wake up and go ‘what the fuck was I thinking?’ and you leave me.” I said. The tears came, but they were silent. I rubbed my face onto his shirt.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” He whispered.

“I didn’t think my parents would ditch me either.” I sighed. “Their job was to love me no matter what. Yet they opted out. You have no such expectation on you. I can’t know for sure one day you won’t just change your mind.”

Chris moved his chair so it was beside me and he sat down resting his hand on my knee. “I love you, Em. Yes, shit can change, but there is no future I see myself in that you’re not a part of. Your parents wanted a daughter who was supposed to be celibate and virtuous and become a doctor so they could brag about what a good job they did raising a respectable child. They could never just accept who you actually were. I do. I always have. I love every aspect of you. How emotional you are. The fact you pretty much live in converse. That most of your underwear have cartoons on them. Your crazy hair. How smart you are. How passionate you are. How kind you are. How you give me shit and you think it’s funny when I give you shit. We chose to be each other’s family. I’m not opting out anytime soon.”

I leaned over and kissed him. He deepened it, pushing his hand in my hair. His beard hair scratched over my lips and tickled my nose and I pulled back scrunching my face up.

“What happened?” He asked.

I rubbed my nose. “Your stupid beard went up my nose.”

Chris threw back his head, roaring with laughter. His hands reflexively going to his pec and my boob. His laughter set me off and we both fed off it. Becoming kind of hysterical.

We managed to calm ourselves down when the mains were brought to the table. I took a bite of my salt and pepper tofu and looked at him. He smiled at me as he chewed his lemon chicken. I touched his cheek.

“I wanna try for kids again when we get back. No delaying. Straight away when we get back we make an appointment to see the geneticists and see if there’s anything really wrong with us. If it’s all fine. We try again.” I said.

Chris’ eyes softened and he squeezed my thigh. “You got it, babe.”


	22. Chapter 22

The following morning I couldn’t bring myself to eat. I dressed slowly. I had to buy something because the only solid black things I owned were shorts. I’d bought a simple black A-line dress.  Trying to aim for modest so I wouldn’t upset my mum. Chris wore a black two-piece suit. Something he already owned and was tailored to fit him. Is it bad that I started to want to skip the funeral and just fuck him all day long?

We drove to the chapel where the funeral was being held. Everyone was milling around outside.  I couldn’t see my mum or Aaron anywhere but my Aunt and Uncle spotted me and waved us over to them.

“Hey, honey. How you holding up.” Tracey asked, hugging me.

“Okay. How about you?”

Tracey shrugged. “As well as can be expected. I know he had his flaws but he was my brother.”

I hugged her again which made her start crying, which set me off crying and our respective husbands separated us.

“Have you seen mum?” I asked.

“She’s inside talking to the funeral director,” Tracey said pointing to a building attached to the chapel.

I was just about to go in to see her when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see Shan and Amelia. Shan was carrying their daughter. I was just getting into overly excited clucky Emily mode when I saw the people coming up behind her.

“Don’t be mad…” Amelia pleaded.

“Too late.” I snapped. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I kept my voice at a low whisper but even still people turned to face me.

“I knew your dad too,” Jessica said, moving up close to me.

I blinked up at her as she towered over me. I couldn’t believe she could pull this shit on me. That even she had sunk so low that she would pull this shit on me. That she would intrude on my grief like this. Chris moved next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist protectively, pulling himself up to full height.

“Yes. And he hated you. So why the fuck are you here? This is hard enough for me without having to deal with you.” I hissed.

Jessica sighed. “Put your superhero husband on a leash. I know how much he hated me. I know what you went through to be with me despite that. I’m sorry I destroyed that. But I knew how hard this would be for you and I wanted to be here to support you.”

“If I’d had wanted you here I would have asked.” I seethed. My voice cracked. I just wanted to scream at her.

She opened her mouth to speak again but the funeral director came out to usher everyone inside. I sat up the back with Chris, Shan, and Amelia. Jessica and Veronica sat on the opposite aisle to us. Jessica kept looking over at me throughout the service.

It was so surreal being there. My mum got up to talk and had to be escorted from the stage because her grief overwhelmed her. The priest took over for her saying the words of love she couldn’t get out. Some of his friends spoke about what a good person he was. How he helped in the community. The whole time I couldn’t stop thinking ‘if he was so good, how bad did I have to be that he threw me away?’

After the service, my mum, Aaron, and Layla all stood accepting condolences. I lined up with the others. Just wanting to speak to my mum and to hug her. Unfortunately, I had to go past Aaron first.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Aaron seethed.

“He was my dad too,” I answered, trying to move past him to get to get to mum. Aaron moved to block me.

“I’m not letting you talk to her. You’re just going to make things worse.” Aaron growled. I went to push past him and he hit me. It was an open-palmed strike on my face and it connected with my cheek first and smashed into my nose. I felt something crack and everything went black for a second as I dropped to the ground.

Chris lunged at Aaron, fists up. Layla, Shan, and Veronica moved between them as I lay bleeding on the ground at my father’s funeral. Jessica dropped to her knees beside me.

“Are you okay, darling?” Jessica asked, putting her hand on my shoulder.

I pulled my hand away from my face and looked down at the small pool of blood in it. More ran down my face. Jessica pulled some tissues from her handbag and held them to my face. I flinched at the sharp sting caused by the pressure

“Chris, she needs you.” Jessica barked.

Chris was still trying to get to Aaron. He looked at me and stopped suddenly, bending down and helping me to my feet.

“Good job, fuckwad. You’re going to get arrested on the same day as your dad’s funeral.” Chris said. He turned to Amelia who was bouncing Alice on her arms. “Can you call the cops. I’m going to take Em to the ER.”

Amelia nodded and Chris lead me to the car. “Fuck, Em. I said it before but you are seriously better off without them.” Chris said, starting the car.

I started crying. “Please stop saying things like that.”

“They’re fucking assholes. All of them. It perplexes me that you came out of that.” He snapped. “Where am I going?”

I pointed him in the direction of the hospital. “I didn’t get to talk to my mum,” I said, as we drove along. The sound of my voice came out stuffy and nasal.

Chris reached over and stroked my hair. “God, listen to you. Fucking hell. At your dad’s fucking funeral.” He growled. “Em, I think you should give up on them. I know that makes you feel like a failure, but what have they ever done for you?”

“They raised me, Chris.”

He turned the car into the private road that ran around the outside of the hospital and sighed. “Did they? Seems to me they fuckin’ fed you and put a roof over your head. While at the same time they did everything they could to belittle and destroy you. How long did they ignore Aaron beating you?”

“Chris! Stop it! You’re not helping me!” I cried. “When he hit me just now, instead of helping me you decided to try and get him back! I blacked out for a second and the only one who went to see if I was okay was my ex-girlfriend!”

Chris pulled the car up in the small car park outside the emergency department. “I’m sorry, Em.”

I got out of the car and slammed the door. Standing made me feel dizzy and I swayed on my feet. Chris came over and tried to help me but I shrugged him off and stormed towards the ER.

“So you’re mad at me? I didn’t do this to you!” He snapped.

“No, but you’re adamant I feel fucking shitty about it.”

He followed me inside and hovered behind me while I checked in. It didn’t take too long to get to see someone because my nose was still oozing blood. They wouldn’t let Chris come in with me, which I thought was weird.

An x-ray showed it was broken. There wasn’t much that you can do for a broken nose. They taped it up and while they did I realised why they had made Chris wait in the waiting room. The police came in to speak to me.

“Ms. Stephens, can you tell me how this happened?” One of the officers asked.

“My brother hit me,” I answered.

“Is that the man you came in with?” He asked, jotting something down in a notebook.

“No. That’s my husband.”

The second officer approached me. She crouched down and looked me in the eye as the nurse was finishing up with the tape. “The staff here were concerned because of the hostility you were showing him. Are you sure there’s not something you want to tell us.”

I groaned. “I was just angry at him because he was talking shit about my family on the way over here. You can look at my medical history though. My brother has a history of sending me to hospital. My husband had nothing to do with it. They also called the police at the place it happened. So hopefully he’s already been picked up.”

The female officer left the room to go check, while the male officer stayed to ask me more questions. When I was finally allowed to leave there were a huge group of people waiting for me in the waiting room. Chris, Shan, Amelia, Veronica, Jessica and my Aunt and Uncle were all grouped together talking.

Chris came straight over and hugged me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, they don’t think I’ll need plastic surgery which is nice,” I answered.

“The cops talked to Chris. I think they thought he did it.” Shan said.

“Oh, they definitely did think that. They spoke to me too.” I said.

Veronica got up and wrapped her arm around my waist kissing me on the cheek. “Did they give you painkillers, my beautiful Emily?”

“Yep. I have a 'script to fill though.”

“And can you drink while you’re on them?” She asked.

“I don’t think so.”

“Would you like to do it anyway?” She asked.

I nodded and she laughed. “Alright fans of Emily, shall we go make our own wake?”

There was a general consensus that this was a good idea.

We headed into the city to the Hogs Breath which really didn’t cater well for me diet wise but did serve cocktails. We talked them into putting us in the private room up the back which was usually used for birthdays or buck’s parties.

We all drank. A lot. It was good being around my friends again. What was funny was we spent a lot of time reminiscing about my dad. I was surprised how many memories my friends had of him. Only everyone, including my Aunt and Uncle just kept talking about shitty things he did. I would have thought that them going on about him like that would have annoyed me. I spent so long trying to get his approval and what for? He was a shitty human being. But instead it actually felt better. A lot of the stories were quite funny. Like how Jessica went out of her way to try and convince him that she and I were sleeping together but my dad always just called her 'that Jessica girl you hang out with’.

Jessica came and sat with me for a while so we could talk.

“I know you have no reason to forgive me for how I treated you. But I just wanted you to know I am sorry. The biggest mistake I ever made was fucking us up.” She said.

I shrugged. “I’ve moved on. I just wish you weren’t so hostile towards me when it was you that messed us up.”

“I know. I want to do better. I get jealous. Which is stupid considering that I’m the cheater.” She looked over to Chris who was laughing with Shan. “I’ve been stalking you two on the internet. He seems like a good guy.”

“He is. He’s exactly who I need.” I said smiling at Chris.

“You don’t miss vag?” She asked.

I took a sip of my drink and raised my eyebrows at her.

Jessica’s hands went to her mouth. “Emily! You two are open?”

I shook my head. “Not open. It’s always him and me.”

“Oh, I see. I was going to make an offer. But not if there has to be a dick involved.” She said grimacing.

I burst out laughing. “I wouldn’t have accepted anyway. You and I aren’t that anymore.”

“I guess that’s for the best.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Please know that what happened between us was all on me. My cheating had nothing to do with you. Monogamy just wasn’t for me, but I couldn’t stand to think of you with someone else.”

“Thank you, Jessica.”

Jessica laughed. “You know, you and Ronnie are the only two people who have ever consistently called me by my whole first name. Everyone else calls me Jess.”

“That’s because you were a different person with me than everyone else,” I said.

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.” She paused for a moment and when I didn’t say anything she let my hand go. “Your parents are assholes too, by the way. They always have been. They don’t deserve you.”

“That’s what Chris says too.”

Jessica looked back over at Chris. “Not just a pretty face then?”


	23. Chapter 23

We only spent a few days in Australia. My brother was charged with my assault. It felt quite liberating in the end. All those years I spent lying to protect him because I harboured this delusion that even though he would hit me hard enough to send me to hospital, that that’s what brothers do. That he really did love me. That we were family.

Well, I wasn’t doing that anymore. None of those people were really my family. This little trip and finally made me really get that. I had a family, people who I love and who loved me. Now it was time to add to it.

We started seeing fertility experts right away. Chris and I both had blood tests. There were semen samples taken. I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy. So many tests and procedures. Even with the amazing insurance, Chris had we still didn’t find out our results until after the New Year.

I made sure I really enjoyed this year’s Christmas with the Evans. Really absorbed how much love they had for each other. How they could argue but it never made them sulky or pissy. The way they playfully teased each other. How great they all were with the kids. How loud they were when they talked around dinner. I really just soaked it in. For the first time really letting myself be a part of the family and not just a minor outlier. This was what I wanted for Chris and me. I knew I would always have trouble with overthinking everything I did with our kids. But I had Chris. He was going to be a great dad and it was time to make it happen.

In the New Year, we heard back that everything was fine. Our bad luck was really just that. Shitty fucking luck. So I had my implant taken out. On the way home Chris kept rubbing my leg and smiling at me.

“You excited?” I asked, taking his hand and squeezing it.

“Oh yeah. I’m totally putting a baby in you as soon as we’re home.” He grinned.

I laughed. “You know it was hormonal right? It takes a little while to wear off.”

“Still happening.” He winked.

We stopped at the pharmacy on the way home stocking up on thing like pregnancy vitamins, and ovulation and pregnancy tests.

When we got home and I had barely gotten out of the car and he was on me, spinning me into his arms and kissing me deeply. It was early January and snow laid piled high on the lawn. Only the drive was free of it after being shovelled this morning for us to leave.

“I love you so much, Em. I’m really excited that we’re doing this. That from now on anytime we fuck could be the time. Ya know?” Chris said. He was holding me tightly against him and I could feel the press of his cock against my pubic mound.

“I love you too. But I’m Australian remember. If I stay out here any longer I’ll freeze solid.” I laughed.

Chris picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder and carrying me inside. He dropped me in the mudroom, and we took off our boots and coats. He was a little slower with his boots than I was and I straddled his lap as he sat on the wooden bench seat by the door pulling them off.

I cupped his face, my fingers pushed into his beard and I licked over his top lip. Chris looked up at me through this thick eyelashes. “If you don’t get up and let me get my boot off I’m gonna fuck you here in the mudroom.”

I slid off his lap in front of him and pushed myself between his legs. “Oh no.” I teased, as I unfastened his fly. “Please, Mr. Evans. I’m such a pure innocent thing. Don’t do that to me. I only ever make love in piles and piles of soft pillows.”

Chris burst out laughing. As he clutched at his chest I took his cock into my mouth. The sound of his laugh got strangled and turned into a deep moan. He pushed the hair off my face and smoothed it back, wrapping the makeshift ponytail around his fist.

He used it to guide me. Pulling me back so I could circle the tip of his cock with the point of my tongue and flick it over the slit. Then pushing down so I deep throated him. I sucked my cheeks in around his shaft and curled my tongue so it cradled his girth.

He began making keening noises and his breathing shallowed. He pulled my head back and leaned down and kissed me. “Stop trying to make me waste it.” He said.

I burst out laughing, rocking back on my heels. He took the opportunity to get his one remaining boot off and got up. He put his cock away and scooped me up off the ground. He carried me inside and dropped me on the sofa. I bit my tongue as I looked up at him. He kneeled down on the floor and began to unbutton my fly.

“Chris?”

Chris grabbed the waistband of my pants and yanked them down. “Yes, honey?”

“I can’t wait,” I said.

He started kissing up the inside of my thigh. “I can feel that.” He said, as his fingers teased over my pussy.

I squirmed as a shiver ran through me. “Not that.” I moaned.

He spread my folds and placed an open-mouthed kiss on my pussy, sucking my clit into his mouth. I moaned and my hips jerked as a shudder ran through me. “It’s a little bit that.” He hummed.

“I meant seeing you as a dad,” I said, shuffling forward in the chair.

Chris sat back on his heels and frowned at me. “Are we putting too much pressure on this? What if something goes wrong again?”

I sat back up and leaned down and kissed him. The salty sweet of me still wet his lips and I swiped my tongue over them. “If something happens I will be devastated but we do something else. We look into adoption. This is it, Chris. This is happening for us. We’re going to be parents.”

He pulled me back into a kiss. It was long and deep and when we broke apart I felt light-headed. “I love you, Em. I can’t wait either.” He grabbed me by the knees yanking me forward. “Now where were we?”

His nose ran up my crevice closely followed by the point of his tongue. He swirled it over my clit and then swiped down. He pushed it into my cunt and flattened it before lapping up. I started to come undone as he solely used his mouth on to bring me to the edge of orgasm. I started to writhe under him. I arched up off the couch my head falling back over the edge of the couch. He grabbed my hips and held me up as he continued to devour me. Holding me right there hovering on the edge of climax.

“Fuck. Chris, please. Please!” I pleaded. I felt like I was on fire.

I could feel him smile against me. His hand moved and he plunged three fingers inside of me. I cried out and almost toppled over the back of the couch, as I tried to escape him. The fact he still had hold of my thigh was the only reason I didn’t. He twisted his hand inside me and his knuckles dragged over my g-spot. I jerked away again as a jolt passed through me. I started panting and begging him to let me come.

Chris wrestled me down into the cushions of the couch. My legs over his shoulder and my ass resting on his chest. He continued dragging his fingers over my g-spot. Over and over, his mouth worked furiously on my clit. Every part of me was wound tight. He dug his knuckles one final time on that sweet spot inside of me, twisting his hand and I came. I screamed and gushed on him. I lost complete control of my body. My legs shook and my head spun. Chris let me go and I just collapsed in front of him trying to get my eyes to focus.

Chris licked his lips and began unfastening his red plaid shirt. I sat and pulled my own jumper off and unfastened my bra before tossing it onto the ground. Chris shook his shirt off onto the back of the chair and began opening his fly.

He tipped me back against the sofa and positioned himself between my legs. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down into another kiss. I relished in the taste of my fluids on him. Chris pushed his cock up and down between my folds. Grinding it against my pussy. Teasing both himself and me.

I reached down and grabbed his cock, guiding it inside of me. I closed my eyes and just focused on the way his cock stretched me. How my body adjusted to taking him. The way he felt inside of me. I hummed into our kiss.

He started to thrust. Just slowly moving against me. I matched his rhythm rolling my hips and rocking below him. He broke our kiss and rested his forehead against mine. He was so close our breath mingled making the air hot and moist. His eyelashes brushed over my skin every time he closed his eyes.

“I love you so much, Chris.” I breathed.

“Mmm… I love you too.” He said, grazing his lips over mine.

He started to pick up his pace. Thrusting faster and faster. With more and more force. He sat up on his knees and pulled my hips up against him. I worked my clit. Rolling it between my fingers.

I came again, clenching around him. Chris followed. He thrust hard into me, holding me against his cock as it pulsed inside me. He smiled down at me, as his cock stilled and slipped out.

Chris grabbed my legs and pulled me up so my butt was in the air and shook me. “Get in there!” He said. “Get to work little guys.”

I burst out laughing. “Chris, you fucking idiot.”

“Rude!” He squawked and pounced on me. Tickling me.

“Stop!” I squealed as I writhed under him. “Stop it! You arsehole!”

He lay down on top of me and rested his head on my chest. “I hope that time did it.”

I stroked my hands through his hair. “You know it won’t have right?”

“Yeah… but I still hope so.” He said.

We lay like that for a little while. Eyes closed and just breathing each other in. Chris got up eventually kissing me on the forehead and pulling on his boxers. “Just gonna get a drink. You want something?”

“Water?”

He winked at me and headed towards the kitchen. I got up and followed him. He was standing at the fridge scratching his chest and I came up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his back.

“Hey, Chris?” I said.

He turned and hugged me. “Mmm?”

“I think we should get some practice in, in here too.”

Chris laughed and his hands slid down to my arse. “I think you might be onto something.”


	24. Chapter 24

The next couple of months Chris and I were having sex constantly. Not actually the recommended way to go about getting pregnant, but man was it fun. Chris was getting into shape for filming Captain America: Civil war. So his life pretty much just working out and fucking. He was exhausted a lot.

He gave up smoking. Like just flat out cold turkey stopped. He wanted there to remove every pregnancy risk he could. It did mean he got quite annoyingly stroppy sometimes, but he stuck with it. I was so proud of him.

I discovered Hot Toys. I have no idea how I didn’t know these things existed. I think maybe Chris must have been hiding them from me because when I bought some and I showed him he groaned really loudly.

“Look how good they are. It looks just like you.” I said holding up my Steve Rogers. I’d bought the Steve Rogers and Captain America Stealth suit double pack, a Winter Soldier, a Black Widow, and a Loki.

“You have me. Why do you need that?” Chris asked.

“Pfft… you ain’t no Steve Rogers, fam!” I scoffed, carefully pulling out the Loki doll from its box.

Chris pulled himself upright. “Excuse me, Ma'am. I think you’ll find I am exactly Steve Rogers.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Oh Steve, I always like when you visit. That sure is a nice beard you’ve grown though.”

Chris threw his head back laughing. I held the Loki and Steve dolls up in front of me. “Look, it’s my babies.” I started moving them so it looked like they were making out. “Oh Loki, I’m not that kind of man,” I said dropping my voice low.

“Please don’t make the Tom and Chris dolls make out,” Chris said, giggling.

“It’s Steve and Loki. And you’re right. I should be doing some Steve and Bucky. I do love me some Stucky.” I said.

Chris took the dolls off me and put them on the coffee table. “I prefer Steve and Emily.” He smiled, leaning over me.

“Oh yeah. Stemily. It’s a crack ship, but it’s a good one.” I said, nuzzling at Chris’ neck.

Chris laughed. “I don’t think any of what you just said was English.”

He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. His mouth hovered over mine. He stayed like that looking into my eyes, breathing my air. A low buzz crept through my skin and my scalp tingled.

“What are you doing?” I breathed.

He slid his free hand up my thigh. “Say my name.” He growled.

I swallowed. My chest felt tight. “Chris.”

He shook his head. “Try again, Miss.”

I smiled. “Steve?”

“That’s right. I missed you.” Chris ran his nose up my throat and brought his lips to mine. I hummed into his mouth and pushed my hands up under his henley.

He moved his lips to my throat and sucked a patch of my skin, pressing his teeth down. “Oh god.” I moaned. “I missed you too, my captain.”

Chris grinned at me. “I like when you call me captain.”

I shifted on the couch so that Chris was between my legs. “I like calling you captain. I like when my captain tells me what to do. I like to make him happy.”

“Oh, do you now? What kinds of things would you do for your captain?” Chris asked. He wasn’t really even trying to be Steve Rogers right now. He was a little giggly and he pushed his crotch against mine.

I licked up his neck and nibbled on his earlobe. “What do you want, captain?” I purred. “You want me to suck your dick? You want to fuck? You can put it where ever you want.”

Chris pulled my jumper off and engulfed my breasts in his hands. “You’re so dirty. Keep talking, dirty girl.”

“I am dirty. I’m a dirty girl, captain.” I said. “I love sucking dick. Especially your dick. It’s so big and pretty. It feels so nice when I have it in my mouth. Do you want me to suck it, captain? You just gotta ask me.”

Chris sat back and pushed his sweats down. “Fuck, Emily.” He huffed. “Yeah, suck it.”

“Captain, such language in front of a lady.” I teased crawling up to him.

“Oh, you’re no lady.” He growled.

I started giggling and crouched down between his legs. I ran my nose up the length of his cock and teased the head with the tip of my tongue and gazed up at him. “You want me to suck it, captain?” I purred.

“Uh… fuck,” Chris grunted.

“Is that a yes, Captain?” I asked.

“Yes. Fuck, Emily.” He groaned, bunching my hair in his hands.

I chuckled and took his length into my mouth. He started using my hair to guide me up and down. I let him take control. Holding me down, so my lips sat flush against his groin. Pulling me right back again. Bobbing me quickly up and down. I focussed on sucking and licking at his shaft. I took his balls in my hand and tugged on them before sliding my hand down his perineum. My fingers teased at his asshole and he pulled my head back suddenly and kissed me.

“Don’t, I won’t last.” He breathed.

I pulled my hand back and stroked his cock. “You don’t want to come in my mouth, captain? Do you have other plans for me?”

Chris whined, thrusting into my hand.

“Oh, captain. You wanna fuck my pussy, huh? Bury your huge cock into my cunt? You want to try and put a baby in me?” I purred.

Chris pounced on me, pushing me back against the couch and yanked my shorts down. I yelped in surprise and fell back arching my back.

“Yes, captain! Fuck me!” I squealed.

Chris slid his cock up and down my pussy, as he kissed and sucked on my neck. I hummed and moved with him running my fingers through his hair and down his back.

“Keep talking, Em,” Chris said. It wasn’t an order. Closer to pleading.

I smiled and my skin prickled. I loved how much he was responding to my ridiculous dirty talk. It was so silly but he was so into it. I pulled his face to mine and kissed him, pushing my tongue into his mouth and teasing it over his. “Please fuck me, captain.” I breathed when he pulled away. “I need you inside of me. I need to feel you filling me up.”

He pushed inside of me with a grunt and I squeezed my pelvic floor around his cock. “Oh fuck. Yes, captain. Fuck me. You’re so big.”

He sat up on his knees and lifted my legs onto his shoulders and just started pounding into me.  It brought me undone. Each thrust sent a jolt through me. Swirling heat built in my cunt and spread out through me. I brought my fingers to my clit and started rolling them over it.

Chris slapped my leg and the sudden, unexpected jolt sent me over. I came, clenching around him and clutching at the couch. “Fuck yes, captain!”

I reached up and pulled him down against me again. I wrapped my legs around him and pressed myself tightly against him. “Chris,” I whispered. “Come inside me. Let’s make this time be the time.”

Chris groaned and jerked suddenly. His cock pulsed as I squeezed around it. He collapsed down on me and I lay playing with his hair.

“You really got into me calling you captain, huh?” I teased.

Chris started laughing, his chest shaking against me. “I don’t know what happened. It was just super hot. You hardly ever use pet names.”

I frowned. He used them on me all the time. Was there something wrong with me that I barely used anything other than his name, my love, and the occasional babe? “I’m sorry. I can try and think of one that doesn’t make me feel weird saying if you want?”

Chris propped himself up on his elbows. “No, babe. It was just because you don’t this felt more … naughty.”

I started giggling. “Naughty…”

He started tickling me and I squirmed under him. “Stop it!” I squealed.

“You stop teasing me.”

“Okay! Okay!” I yelped.

He let his hands still and kissed my belly. “I really hope this is the time.”

“Mmm… me too. Let try not to stress out about it though. It’s only been a couple of months.”

* * *

The next two weeks I spent tormenting Chris with my new dolls. I’d put them around the house where I knew he would find them. Always in sexually suggestive positions. I’d take a photo and put it on Instagram. Sebastian thought they were hilarious. Chris literally wouldn’t bite though. I’d always find them carefully put back on their stands. I’d lose it every time I find them there.

I was keeping a really close eye on my cycle at this point. So when I woke up and I was a day late I shook Chris awake.

“What is it?” He asked, blearily.

“I’m late,” I said, bouncing on the bed.

“Then go get ready to go, you fuckin’ weirdo.” He grumbled, pulling the quilt back over his head.

I kept shaking him. “No, Chris. I mean I’m  _late_.” I said, putting the emphasis on the word late.

He pulled the quilt off and looked at me narrowing his eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah. Just a day though. But I had to tell you.” I said.

Chris sat up and grabbed my boobs, squeezing them. “Do you feel different? Do your boobs hurt?” He pushed me down and spread my legs.

“I dunno. Maybe a little. I don’t really know how to tell these things.”

Chris pulled my pajama pants down and ran his tongue up the length of my pussy. I squealed. “What the fuck, Chris? I haven’t even peed yet!”

“I just wanted to see if you tasted different.” He said. He sounded like an excitable puppy. “Go do a test if you need to pee.”

“It’s probably too soon. I’d only be a couple of weeks if I am. And I might just be a day late because I’m not a robot.”

He pushed me. “Just do it anyway. Can’t hurt.”

I headed to the bathroom and he followed me. “Are you gonna watch?” I asked.

He nodded. He had a big doofus grin on his face and I shoved him. “Come on, Emily!” He whined.

I rummaged in the drawer and pulled a pregnancy test out and then went and sat on the toilet and did the test with Chris watching. Chris snatched the stick and put the cap on. “Two lines, right?” He said, looking at the instructions.

I got up and washed my hands. “Yeah, two.” The last couple of times it was really quick and really obvious. But by the time I did the tests I was already like 6 weeks pregnant or something.“

"It’s supposed to take five minutes, right?” He asked.

I shrugged. “It says that. But the couple of times I did it before it was right away.”

Chris started dancing from one foot to another. “Em, is this a line? I think it’s a line.”

I took the test off him and looked. There was the pink line in the small indicator window to show the test work and the pink line in the bigger window to show the test worked. They were both really dark. Then very faintly, next to the bright pink one was a really pale straight line.

“I think it is, Chris. Read the directions. I think it says a faint line counts.” I said bouncing on my toes.

Chris ran back into the bedroom and got his glasses, I jogged after him and bounced on the balls of my feet as his eyes flew over the directions. “Color intensity of the test band may vary according to the concentration of hCG in urine. The higher the hCG concentration - the darker the intensity of the test line, hence higher the likelihood of pregnancy. That means pregnant right? Just that you’re only just pregnant. It says negative would be no line.”

“That means pregnant. Chris, I’m pregnant.” I squealed bouncing me up and down.

Chris picked me up and spun me around. “It’s happening!” He cried. “It’s happening!”

He put me on my feet and I immediately began to freak out. “Chris, what if it goes wrong again. Oh god.”

Chris hugged me. “It’s okay, babe. We’ll face whatever happens together. We’ll call the doctor today and have everything checked out. And we’ll be super careful and safe alright. No stress.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

He leaned down and kissed me. “I’m gonna call, Ma.” He said when he pulled away.

I shook my head frantically. “No. You can’t tell anyone. Not until we know everything’s okay.”

“Not even Ma?” Chris whined.

“No, please. I can’t deal with all that stuff. Just us until I’m sure it’s all safe.” I could feel every part of me tense up and I was trembling a little.

Chris pulled me tightly against him. “Okay. Just us. I promise.”


	25. Chapter 25

Chris became really overprotective and slightly overbearing in the early stages of my pregnancy.  I was a stressed out mess so having him like that was sometimes exactly what I needed and sometimes the worst possible thing for me. If he was in ‘dad mode’ it was fine. It helped when I was stressing out and he just sat and held me or made me tea and reassured me that this time would be different and if it wasn’t different we could get through this. We were strong.

It didn’t help when he did that thing where he worried about me going running or if he thought I was overexerting myself. It drove me crazy when he freaked out because I was carrying something heavy or if I ran down the stairs. I tried to be patient with him. I understood. It’s something I felt myself. I worried constantly. But his worry just fed mine. I broke down in tears more than once before we’d even had our first doctor’s appointment.

We had the first appointment really early on. A few weeks after that positive test. They took about eight vials of blood among other things. I also had an internal ultrasound just to double check how far along I was. That tiny flutter of life in the vague blob shape that was our fetus was such a relief that Chris and I both started crying. It was confirmed that I was five weeks along. We were booked in to return for the eight weeks check up. That was when Chris was due to be doing his Age of Ultron press tour. It was a big one and then he had to go off to film Captain America: Civil War. We were both really anxious about it, given what happened with the first pregnancy and him having to leave town. I was putting things into place where it meant that I could do most of my work from out of town. Luckily I was the boss. I had Gaby and Jullien working for me. As much as I loved going into the forest and collecting data I actually didn’t need to be that person. That is exactly why academics have postdocs under them. As long as I was putting together the data and writing papers, then I was doing my job.

Chris kept his promise for a while. As much as he wanted to tell everyone that we were expecting again he kept it to himself.

For a while.

As much as I could I followed along with him on his press tour. It was a little hard with trying to be as efficient as I could with work and the fact that my morning sickness was getting to be ridiculous. I was throwing up so much. I don’t know how I was even getting any nutrients. The ginger pills helped a little, thank god.

My nausea never abated fully though, not at all throughout the day and Chris was so stressed by it even though the doctor assured him that morning sickness was actually a good sign.

I did go to the Jimmy Kimmel interview. It was in LA and just before the premiere. So we headed back to LA with time for me to recover while he did other press. The plane trip was physically exhausting for me. I’m glad we planned it well.

Chris actually brought quite a few of us along. All the girls in his family. So I also had to pretend I wasn’t sick when I really, really was. So that was fun.

Chris’ mum and sisters were so excited to be there. Shanna nearly exploded with glee when she got to meet Jimmy. I think everyone though my anxiety was playing up because I was so quiet. Mostly I was just willing myself to stop throwing up. It was really nice to be around them though. Chris family and the Avenger’s cast. They were all such great, funny people. I could tell Chris was just bursting to tell everyone the news.

I sat in the green room with Lisa, Carly, Shanna and the family that had been dragged along by the rest of the Avenger’s cast. The interview was hilarious. Everyone was really relaxed and on the ball. Then it happened.

Jimmy was asking about the cast partying and fingers were pointed at Renner, along with much laughter.

“And who goes out with him? Does everybody go? Or do you guys… are there people that are more inclined to go out than others?” Jimmy asked.

“Well, you never know.” Chris piped in, his arms flailing about. “You know, you gotta try and test the waters. Sometimes people have responsibilities. Everyone has kids and you know…?”

Robert turned around and looked at Chris. “Everyone except?”

Chris pointed at himself with both his thumbs “Except this guy.” Everyone roared with laughter and Chris sat back. “Well in seven months though.”

Two things happened simultaneously.

On stage, Chris’ hands flew to his mouth as he realized what he just said. The others took a moment for the meaning behind the words he just said to drop into place.

Scarlett seemed to work it out first, she turned to Chris and mouthed 'what?’ The others all jumped up and started hugging him and clapping him on the back.

“Did I just get an exclusive pregnancy announcement?” Jimmy asked.

Chris groaned, but the smile wouldn’t come off his face. “Is there a way you can edit this so that my mom backstage won’t see it until I tell her in person?”

“Have you really not told anyone until right now?” Jimmy laughed.

Chris shook his head. All the men on stage roared with laughter again and Scarlett scolded him.

Backstage there was dead silence. My mouth dropped open. Everyone’s heads just turned to look at me. “Emily?” Lisa said.

I covered my face and nodded. I had all these mixed feelings swirling through me. I was excited they knew. After I nodded a squeal erupted. It was intoxicating. But at the same time, the little voice in me screamed 'you are going to miscarry and this time not only will you have to tell your family, you’re going to have to tell the whole world’.

Lisa sensed my panic as she often seemed to. Having Chris with his anxiety had made her really attuned to that kind of thing. She put her arm around me and didn’t say anything as everyone else congratulated me.

It made it worse. Nausea took hold and I jumped to my feet and rushed to the bathroom, emptying my stomach into the toilet.

When I came out of the stall Lisa was waiting for me. “Why haven’t you told us?” She asked, trying very hard to mask the hurt in her voice.

“I’m scared something’s going to happen, and I can’t deal with the excitement when I feel sure it’s just going to end with grief again,” I explained, as I splashed water on my face.

When I turned to her she hugged me tightly against her. “Don’t deny yourself the excitement, honey. You deserve it.”

I squeezed my eyes closed. “Can we do this later. I can’t cry now.” I pleaded.

“Of course, Emily. Whatever you need.” She soothed.

I splashed my face again and quickly refreshed my makeup. I stood staring at the bathroom door and took a deep breath. Lisa rubbed my back. “It will be fine. People are happy for you. If the worst happens again, we’ll all be there for you.”

I nodded and opened the door.

Chris was charging down the hallway looking frantic. He saw me and held his hands up as he rushed towards me. “Don’t be mad. Don’t be mad.” He pleaded.

“Chris, you fuckin’ idiot!” I yelped.

“I know! I know!” He wrapped his arms around me. “Please don’t be angry. It was an accident.”

I squeezed him around the middle. “It’s fine. Not ideal. Fuck, Chris… if something goes wrong you’re going to have to make a statement.”

“I know. I know. Let’s try not to think about that though, babe. The only statement we’re making is one saying their name and birth weight.” He said, softly. “I gotta get back out there for the next segment. Please say you’re not mad.”

“I’m not mad. It’s fine.” I mumbled, pressing my face into his chest.

He let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I love you.”

“Love you too,” I said leaning up and kissing him.

He crouched down in front of me and kissed my stomach. “I love you too.” He whispered.

I went back into the green room and was greeted with congratulations. I smiled and thanked everyone, answering all their questions about when I was due. How I was feeling. What I hoped we were having.

After the show recorded we all got dressed and had our makeup done for the red carpet. Everyone was really excited about both the premier and Chris and my news. His friends knew how badly he wanted to have kids. He was also a big ol’ bag of nerves. This premiere was the biggest one yet. The movie had so much buzz, and with the fact he’d just dropped the pregnancy news bomb on the show, he started freaking out.

People kept plying him with alcohol in celebration of his news. By the time he had changed out of his really gorgeous navy suit, he had worn on Kimmel to the pinstripe one he was wearing on the carpet he was quite drunk.

Lisa, Carly, Shanna and I followed Chris along the red carpet, standing back for his interviews. Occasionally one of all of us would be dragged into the interview. The news had not yet spread that I was pregnant, which I was thankful for. We made it through the photo call and into the theatre.

Age of Ultron was not… great. I didn’t hate it, but oh god… What they did to some of the characters. There were some really lovely heartbreaking moments though. Especially with poor Steve. Steve would be getting some extra loving the next time Chris decided to bring him to the bedroom.

We headed to the after party with his family and Chris really let go. He was really enjoying being around his friends and his family. Being around everyone really helped me to just destress. Lisa had promised not to question us while other people were around, so I relaxed and enjoyed myself. I was feeling tired but quite happy by the time all the Evans’ climbed into the back of the car to go home.

In the back of the car was when the questions happened. Chris was so drunk and excitable. I felt a little on my own trying to defend my decision about keeping it secret.

“Why didn’t you tell us? How long have you known?” Lisa asked almost as soon as the car pulled out of the parking lot.

“Emily wanted to know it was all good first. That’s all. We would have told you.” Chris slurred.

“Way to throw me under the bus, Chris.” I snapped.

Chris took my jaw in his hand and kissed my cheek. “It’s okay, Emily. I know you were scared.”

“Chris.” I yelped, pushing him off me.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” He said, sitting back and sulking. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest defensively.

“Emily, last time you kept it secret you still lost the baby and you ended up just being alone and stressed.” Lisa scolded. “At least if you told us we could have been someone to talk to.”

“I don’t like talking about it. Talking about it makes me cry.” I said. I was actually pretty close to crying right now if they didn’t drop it.

“Emily…” Lisa said.

“Ma, drop it.” Chris interrupted. He spoke loudly, still in that drunk zone where you can’t modulate your voice. “We planned it this time. We’re doing all the right things. If she needed to keep it a secret not stress out, it’s her body she can do what she wants.”

“But…”

“No buts, ma. I broke her trust today blurting that out. I feel terrible. I didn’t not tell you to hurt you. It’s what she needed.” Chris shouted.

Lisa frowned. “I’m sorry.” She said.

“I’m sorry if it hurt you. We would have said eventually.” I explained. “I just wanted to feel sure. I don’t want people to be excited. I just want to get to a point I feel safe.”

We sat in silence for a while, Chris playing with my hair. Eventually, the talk changed back to the movie, and before long we were home.

It was late and everyone headed straight to bed. I went and had a shower first. I smelt like cigarette smoke and it was making me queasy. Chris stepped in behind me and started rubbing my back.

“I am so sorry.” He said, nuzzling into my neck. “I didn’t mean to do that. It just slipped out.”

I turned to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “It’s okay. Not ideal but I’ll be fine.”

He kissed me and his hands stroked over my belly before moving around to my butt. “I really love you.”

“I love you too.” I leaned my face against his chest and he stroked my back. “I’m really scared, Chris. If something happens, the whole world is going to know now. How do I live with that?”

“I’m sorry. Emily, please believe me.” He said.

“I know. I know. I’m not mad. I’m just scared.” I started crying, and he held me against him.

“Babe, I know. I know. I know I can’t fix this. I can’t protect you from what people say about us. I hate this is what my life means because I have a job I love.” He leaned down and kissed my throat. “I love you though, and as long as you want me there I’ll be by your side.”

I moved his face to mine and kissed him. It was deep and tender and just a little sloppy drunk. His tongue licked over my lips and probed into my mouth, and all I could taste was beer and cigarettes.

My hands slid down from his neck, over his chest, and down his abs until I was cupping his dick in the palm of my hand.

“Well, hello there.” He chirped, happily.

“Hello.” I grinned.

He came at me hungrily. Cupping my cheeks and pushing me against the shower wall. I stroked his cock quickly running my palm up and down his length. As soon as he was hard he spun me around. I leaned forwards putting my palms on the wall. The shower sprayed down my back, creating a relaxing heat in my body. His hands slipped between my legs and his fingers teased between my folds.

I moaned as they brushed over my clit. I ached for him already and there was a sudden flood of heat to my cunt.

Chris hummed and pulled his fingers away. “So wet for me, Emily.” He growled.

“Please, Chris. I need you inside me.” I whined wiggling my arse so it ground against his cock.

He lined himself up and pushed in. I leaned back and held onto the back of his neck as he thrust into me. His fingers found my clit and rolled over it as he gripped my breast with his other hand.

I came apart around him almost immediately. An orgasm shuddered through me.

“Fucking you when you’re pregnant is unreal, Em,” Chris growled.

“Don’t stop.” I groaned.

Chris chuckled and picked up speed. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Each time he thrust up into me I was lifted off my feet a little. My whole body was ready to combust. Water ran down over both of us. Our bodies slid against each other.

“Chris, tell me I’m yours.” I cried.

“You are mine. All mine, Emily.” He moaned.

“You’re mine, Chris. I love you.”

He kissed my throat and brought his lips to my ears. “I know.” He whispered.

I came again with a shudder, my legs shaking. Chris’ body tensed and he came with me. I could feel each pulse of his cock as he emptied inside of me.

He slipped out of me and turned me in his arms, hugging me and nuzzling at my neck. “I love you, beautiful. We got this okay?”

I nodded and kissed his cheek.


	26. Chapter 26

The eight-week ultrasound we did back in Boston, even though most of our medical care would be happening in Atlanta. I actually somehow woke up feeling not so much sick as horny. Chris was snoring gently beside me. His arm was draped over me and his hand rested on my stomach.

I started playing with his fingers. Kissing them and sucking on them. He didn’t stir at all, so I rolled over to face him and started kissing his neck. “Chris,” I whispered. “Wake up.”

He grumbled something that was barely words, but I saw his eyelashes part just enough to see me.

“I wanna suck your dick,” I whispered.

He laughed and closed his eyes. “Next time don’t wake me, just do it.”

I laughed and started kissing down his body. He rolled onto his back and I climbed in between his legs. I took him into my mouth. His cock was still soft and I sucked on it taking all of it into me. He whimpered a little and his hands tightened in the sheets. I sucked hard and flicked my tongue over the slit.

“Fuck, Emily. Be gentle. He’s not awake yet.” Chris hissed.

I snickered and eased back a bit. Gradually he hardened in my mouth. When he was fully hard, I start just teasing my tongue over the head while I massaged his balls and ran my fingers over his perineum. He moaned softly and started humping my mouth. I looked up at him pulling off completely and sat between his legs, mouth wide open tongue out, flicking at his cock. Daring him to do something. He grabbed my hair and thrust up into my mouth, making me deepthroat him. I groaned into him.

I pulled off completely and crawled up positioning myself over his cock. I lowered myself down onto it, sighing as he entered me.

“Mmm.” Chris hummed. “I love when you’re horny in the morning.”

“Then you must always love me because I’m always horny,” I replied, rocking my hips against him. I rested my hands on his chest and looked down at him.

“It’s true.” He replied. “I meant it you know. You can wake me up like that.”

I smirked. “Deal. And you can wake me up like that too if you want.”

He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “Deal.”

I started riding him in earnest. Moving quickly against him. Bouncing up and down on his cock. He brought his fingers to my clit and started circling it. I was too sensitive and too overwound. I came, throwing my head back and crying out.

Chris grabbed hold of my hips and started thrusting up into me. I collapsed down onto his chest, holding on and feeling the beginnings of another orgasm already there. Chris slammed up into me and came, the pulsing of his cock sending an orgasm through me. We both lay there him still inside me, just panting.

“Morning, Em.” Chris chirped.

“Morning, Chris,” I replied.

He slapped my ass and I rolled off him. “You ready to go see our baby?” He asked.

That made my stomach clench up and a wave of nausea rolled through me. Hello, morning sickness my old friend. “As I’ll ever be I guess.”

* * *

By the time I was on the Ultrasound table, I was a ball of stress with an insanely full bladder. I had Chris’ hand in a death grip. He kissed my fingers and stroked his hands through my hair.

“It’s going to be fine, sweetheart.” He soothed.

“But what if it’s not?” I whispered.

He shrugged. “I’ll still be here.”

The ultrasound technician stepped into the room closing the door behind her. “We ready to take a look at bubs?” She chirped sitting down at the stool and picking up the ultrasound paddle.

I took a large breath steeling myself for the worst. The woman looked at me with real concern in her eyes. “Hey, is something wrong?”

I felt myself tear up and I looked away. Chris kissed my forehead. “This is her third pregnancy. We lost the others.”

The woman rubbed my arm. “I understand. How about you close your eyes and I’ll tell you when it’s safe to look.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. She lifted my t-shirt and squirted cold gel onto my stomach. I yelped in surprise.

“Sorry about that.” She laughed. “I normally warn you.”

I shook my head, giggling. She pressed the paddle down increasing the pressure on my already aching bladder. She moved it around and no one said anything for what felt like an eternity. I think my heart stopped. Something had gone wrong. I was once again a walking tomb. She held the paddle still, pressing it hard into my abdomen and I felt her move beside me pressing a button. The room filled with a loud, ‘whoosh, whoosh, whoosh’ sound.

“Hear that? That’s the sound of your baby’s heart.” The technician says.

Relief crashed down on me and I was crying before I even opened my eyes. Chris moved behind me and hugged me, kissing me on top of my head. “Look, there’s our baby, Emily.” He whispered, pointing to the screen.

“Here’s your peanut’s little head. And there is their heartbeat.” The tech said. She did her measurements and took some photos for us to take home. “Everything looks perfect right now.  Just how it should for eight weeks.” The tech said.

We thanked her and headed back upstairs to see Doctor McKenna. The doctor reassured us all the tests had come back fine and everything was looking good. She also told us she’d sent all our results to an OBGyn in Atlanta and that we’d see her again when we came back to have the baby.

Chris and I headed out of the hospital and while I felt lighter the dread had already started creeping back in. Seeing paparazzi in the parking lot didn’t help. Chris’ announcement on Jimmy Kimmel had drawn them out a little and they were popping up at random intervals taking pictures of us. This should have been predictable.

“Chris, don’t scowl. It will just make people say you don’t like being around me and that I tricked you somehow.” I said. He put his arm around my waist and looked at me.

“Fuck 'em.” He said. “Fuckin’ vultures.”

“Chris, please. You know every time a photo come out and we’re murder glaring them I get attacked on twitter. Please don’t give them fodder to attack me about the baby.” I pleaded.

Chris sighed and leaned down and kissed me, smiling. “Sorry, Em.”

He walked me to the car and we bundled up inside. “Do you think this is how it’s going to be every time? I’m going to go in freaking out that there won’t be a heartbeat. Then when I come out there will be paps?” I asked.

Chris sighed again. “I dunno. It might be.” He reached over and rubbed my stomach. “This is why I didn’t want to take the role of Cap just so you know. This bullshit.”

“I know. I’m not blaming you, babe. It’s not going to chase me away. Just… you know?” I said sadly.

He nodded. “Yeah… I know.”

We didn’t say anything for a minute, just made our way out of the car park. “You wanna go to see, Ma?” Chris asked, perking up.

“Do you want to go show her the picture?” I teased.

Chris laughed and squeezed my thigh. “Yes, please.”

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I am excited, you know?”

Chris hummed. “Yeah, me too.”

We drove out to Sudbury and found Lisa in the yard with Carly and the kids.

Ethan and Miles ran over and grabbed hold of Chris’ hands dragging him out into the yard to play catch with them. “Emily, show Ma the picture.” He called as he was pulled out onto the lawn.

“What picture?” Lisa asked as I sat down on the porch swing with her and Carly.

I dug around in my purse and pulled out the little black and white picture of the foetus growing inside me. I handed it over and turned my attention to Chris and the kids. They were chasing him around the lawn and he slowly jogged making them think they had a chance of catching him. It made me feel light and actually hopeful. Seeing him with kids reminded me that this man was a father. He was just waiting for the kids. That no matter what we would have this at our place soon.

“Oh, how exciting!” Lisa beamed. “Everything looked okay?”

I nodded. “So far so good.”

Carly frowned at me and rubbed my leg. “You’re still scared aren’t you?”

I nodded and looked over to Chris, trying to chase off that sadness I felt whenever I talked about it.

“It’s going to be fine this time. I know it.” She said, gently.

I shrugged. I hated that kind of worthless reassurance. It didn’t make me feel better. It made me feel slightly other because they couldn’t possibly foresee a future where something else could go wrong when I have no better chances now than I did the last two times.

Miles came running up and tugging on my hand. “Aunt Emmy, can you do the jumps?”

“No, honey. Aunty Emily has a baby growing in her tummy. It’s not safe to do that anymore.” Carly cooed.

“No. Mommy. I don’t wike it.” Miles snapped. “I want Aunt Emmy to do the jumps.”

“You know, Uncle Chris can jump right over my head. You wanna see that Miles?” I asked.

Miles clapped his hands and I followed him down onto the lawn. Chris laughed and shook his head at the request, but he complied, leapfrogging clear over me. The kids were so excited and we started lifting them over each other as they each tried to jump the other.

Soon we were all running around the backyard like madmen. Jumping any little obstacle on the ground. From imaginary bugs to shrubs. We were all laughing and I squealing and I just felt happy.

We ended up collapsing on the grass in a dog pile staring up at the sky as the sun started to set.  Miles lifted up my t-shirt and whispered into my belly-button. “Hewwo in dere, baby.” He whispered.

“Whatcha doin’, buddy?” Chris asked, looking down at his nephew.

“Aunty Emmy has a baby in her tummy. I wanna tawk to it.” Miles said.

“You can talk to it, Miles. That’s okay.” I said, smiling at the little boy. It made my heart hurt looking at him.

“D'joo ead-da baby, Ahn Em-yee?” Stella asked. I couldn’t translate that one but Chris rocked back laughing, grabbing his chest.

“She didn’t eat it!” Ethan snapped at his little sister.

Stella looked like she was going to cry, her bottom lip poked out and quivered. “Den how’d id ged dere?”

Chris picked up Stella and rolled her back, blowing a raspberry on her neck. “Babies start off in tummies, Stella. They come out when they’re big enough.” He said.

“How big is is it now?” Miles asked.

I held out my fingers about a centimeter and a half. “Only this big.”

Miles put his lips up to my belly button again and whispered. “You are vewy wittle. Huwwy up an’ get big.” He looked up at us again. “Is it a boy baby?”

“We don’t know yet. It’s too little to tell.” I answered.

“I wan’ it to be a boy. I don’t wike, girls.” He said, firmly.

Chris laughed again and kissed Stella on the cheek. “Hey, buddy. I think girls are awesome.”

Miles pulled a face and Chris laughed again. “I think you’ll love your cousin no matter if it’s a boy or a girl. Just like you love Stella.”

“I wan a giwl.” Stella said, quietly.

Carly came out and called to the kids. “Okay, monsters. Time to go home!”

The kids all grumbled and followed their mum inside. I was about to get up and follow them so we could also say goodbye, but Chris grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. He leaned over the top of me and brought his lips to mine. He kissed me deeply, his tongue pressing against mine. His hand went to my hair and he bunched into his fist.

I wrapped my arms under his and dug my fingers into his back, moaning softly into the kiss. I felt light headed and he moved his leg between mine. I pressed my pussy against his thigh rocking myself against it. He stopped kissing me and looked down at me. My lips felt numb and I was wet.

“Calm down there, little horn dog.” He teased and pecked me on my lips.

“You started it,” I whined, wriggling under him.

He laughed and pulled me to my feet. “I definitely did not start trying to fuck you in my mom’s backyard.”

I fell against his chest and he hugged me and kissed the top of my head. “I really had a great day today, Em. Did you feel it too? Like this is what we’re going towards. This kind of day.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I felt it too, you ol’ sap. Now, let’s go home and you can finish what you started.”

Chris laughed and we started to walk towards the house. “I wanted to stay for dinner. But if you like, I can take you to my room and eat you out first.”

I started giggling and I elbowed him in the chest. “I know you’re joking right now. But fuck it, I’m taking you up on that. You started shit, you’re finishing it.”

Chris linked his fingers with mine and led me upstairs.


	27. Chapter 27

Before we left for Atlanta we organised to have Krysten over again. Like one last crazy night because by the time we left only to get back with me heavily pregnant and getting ready to have the baby.

We were going to go easy this time. No more high-risk sex for us. At this point, even I was paranoid about rough stuff. Still, there was no point denying we were kinky. We had to just find the things that we felt comfortable with.

Krysten showed up at seven and we had dinner together. By the time we’d made our way through the lasagna and salad I’d made, Krysten had pulled me into her lap and started kissing the side of my throat.

Chris cleaned up the plates and put them in the dishwasher as Krysten and I just sat kissing. Her fingers slid up under my skirt and started to stroke over my pussy through my panties. When the dishwasher was stacked and turned on, he turned and leaned back on the kitchen bench watching us.

As Krysten teased my pussy my arousal grew, soaking through my panties. She slipped her finger under the elastic and touched down on my clit. When I gasped she took the opportunity to start sucking a hickey on my neck.

“We just going to do this here?” Chris asked, after a little while of watching us.

Krysten looked up at him and bit her bottom lip. “Sorry, sir.” She said, softly. “Where do you want us?”

Chris shifted a little where he stood. His pupils dilated and he ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “Bedroom. Emily, I want you to make our guest feel very welcome.”

I got up off Krysten’s lap and pulled her to her feet. “Come on then, beautiful.” I led her upstairs and when we reached the bedroom we both started tearing each other’s clothes off. It was like the sudden new setting of bedroom rather than the kitchen put a fire under us. When we were naked I pushed her against the wall, my hands at her face, kissing her hungrily.

She shifted her leg, raising it and opening herself up so my fingers had free reign to explore her pussy. I pressed my palm down on her pubic mound and rubbed, massaging her smooth pussy.  She moaned, her fingers digging into my back.

My middle finger slipped between her folds and I stroked them up and down, never touching her clit but coming close. My finger became slick with her fluids and I smeared them over her folds.

Krysten hummed and nibbled on my throat. “Stop being such a tease, you naughty girl.” She purred.

I spun her around and pushed her backward towards the bed. She climbed up onto the mattress and I pushed her legs apart and went straight for her cunt. I sucked at her folds pulling her clit into my mouth and pressing my lips down on it. I flicked my tongue back and forth over the top and she gasped and moaned loudly. “Holy, shit. Emily!”

As I continued to lick and suck at her clit, I teased two fingers over the entrance to her cunt. I pushed the very tip of my fingers inside of her. Not really even penetrating her. Just slowly stretching her out. I spread my fingers, just slightly and she moaned and twisted under me.

I heard Chris come into the room, but I didn’t look up. I barely even registered that he was there except the faint sound of him undressing. I pushed my fingers inside of Krysten swirling them around searching for her g-spot. I felt that soft, slightly spongy spot and pressed down on it hard. Krysten bucked up suddenly, banging her pussy into my face. I started giggling and pushed her down, flicking my tongue back and forth over her clit.

I focused my fingers on that sweet spot inside her, pushing hard and curling them inside her. She reached up and grabbed hold of the bed head, arching of the mattress.

Chris came up behind me and pushed my legs apart. I felt the soft scratch of his beard between my legs and he started sucking and licking at my pussy I started to hum as I worked my fingers and tongue around Krysten’s pussy. Krysten was panting and moaning. Her body, twisted and curved. She suddenly clenched around my fingers and arched completely off the bed and she came. It was explosive. She gushed over me, screaming out my name.

I stroked her down, slowly, letting myself get taken over by the little jolts running up and down my spine.

Chris stood up and slapped my butt. Not hard. But I yelped and looked back at him. “Get up there.” He said pointing to Krysten.

I giggled and crawled up over Krysten. She pulled me down into a kiss. Her fingers went to my clit and I brought mine to hers. Chris went to the bedside table and took out a condom. He sheathed himself and moved behind us. I felt the press of his cock behind me and he pushed in. I gasped breaking my kiss with Krysten. Chris took the opportunity to pull me back into a kiss.

“I love you, babe.” He whispered.

“Love you too,” I replied.

He licked up my spine and I shivered. Chris began to thrust.

Chris had one hand in my hair, the other gripping at my hip. Krys’ fingers flicked over my clit, while we kissed and nipped at each other. Between them, I was brought very quickly to the brink of orgasm.

Just when I thought I was about to come, Chris pulled out and pulled Krysten up against me penetrating her.

She cried out and I looked down at her, admiring her beautiful face as she reacted to Chris filling her. I started kissing her throat and my fingers sped up on her clit. She started to moan. Our breasts were pressed tightly against each other. Each time she took a sharp breath in, it put pressure on me and I’d hum.

Chris brought her right to the edge too and pulled out, returning his cock to my waiting cunt. He repeated the process, again and again, keeping us both on edge. He didn’t stop until he was panting and moaning too and his cock throbbed.

He started slamming into Krys, each thrust shoved us both up the bed. Krysten clutched at me. She stopped playing with my clit completely and just held on. Her hands moved to Chris and she held his wrists. When she came, she bit down into my shoulder.

As her orgasm ebbed away he pulled out and went to push back into me. Krysten put her foot up and stopped him.

“Get off. I have an idea.” She said, still panting a little.

I rolled off her and she sat up and guided Chris so he was lying on his back. She guided me onto his cock, reverse cowgirl. Chris held onto my hips and as I rode him. Krysten crouched down between his legs. I watched as she wrapped her hands around the root of his cock and balls mimicking a cockring, squeezing quite tightly. Chris groaned and his fingers dug into my skin.

Krys began to lick from Chris’ cock to my clit. Broad strokes that set us both off moaning and panting. I continued to ride Chris, bouncing up and down, rolling my hips. When my orgasm came, it hit me hard. I came clenching around Chris’ cock and crying out. Chris thrust hard up into me and made a loud guttural growl. “Jesus, fuck! Krys.” He cried.

She smiled up at me. My legs turned to jelly and I collapsed back against Chris. He held me by the throat, his hand kneading my breast. This time he thrust into me. Krysten kept flicking at my clit with her tongue and before orgasm even ended a second one began.

Krysten let Chris’ cock go and he jerked up into me so violently and came so loudly, his voice echoed off the walls. I have never known him to come in such an explosion. He’d come harder and with more of his body before, but the way Krysten had been physically holding his ejaculation back meant that when he let him go it hit him like a truck.

“Oh fuck… fuck… Em.” He panted as he released inside of me, holding onto me for dear life.

When he finally stilled I slithered off of him, lying in the crook of his arm. Krysten climbed up on the bed and lay down on the other side, giggling.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Krys.” Chris panted.

That just made her laugh even harder. “You should have heard yourself.”

“I did hear myself. That was fucking wicked. Thank you.” He leaned down and kissed her on the top of the head. “How are you both doing?”

“Good.” I hummed, snuggling into him more.

“Yeah, I’m really great. Thanks.” Krysten said, reaching over and rubbing my tummy. “Can’t believe it’s going to be ages before we do that again. You better be a cute kid in there.”

Chris smiled. “Of course they will be. Look at their mother.” His eyes looked so soft and crinkled up at the corners. I leaned up and kissed him. So full of love for him in that moment.

“They have won the lottery that kid, both genetic and just two amazing people as their parents.” Krysten agrees.

Chris looks at her warmly. “Thanks for … well, everything Krys. Being a friend to Emily. Agreeing to come play with us. It’s been great. I know it must be a little hard being the third but we really appreciate it. And if by some chance you are still single. Or if you have a similar arrangement with the person you’re with once we’re ready to get back into kink again. Well, we’d love to do it. Either way though. Thank you. I hope we’ll always be friends.”

“Well don’t you get all sappy post orgasm.” Krysten teased.

“He’s sappy most of the time. Don’t let the massive muscles distract you. He’s a soft puppy.” I said, rubbing Chris’ belly.

Chris laughed and nuzzled my hair.

“Thank you guys too. I do really have fun. It’s nice to do this with friends. I guess that’s maybe the kind of person I am.” She said. “I’m really glad you trusted me to include me in it. I bet that’s a big deal for you. Given how much gossip could hurt you. It’s really flattering.”

I leaned over and kissed Krys before snuggling down into Chris again. It was one of those moments where I really realised how lucky I was. It was time I remembered that.


	28. Chapter 28

You know what absolutely sucks? Being pregnant in Atlanta in Summer. I swear, any time I stepped outside I burst into flames. I spent a lot of time just in the hotel in the pool by myself. Or in my room working. Talking with Gaby and Jullien while we worked through data and wrote papers to be submitted to journals.

I visited the doctor regularly. My doctors had decided it was better for my stress if I had the regular reassurance that things were going fine. It did help and things did go okay. But I did still have that nagging bit of anxiety every appointment that this time was the time things weren’t going to be alright. It meant my blood pressure was going slightly haywire. It was high at the start of appointments and normal at the end.

I wasn’t constantly alone though. Not by a long shot. Civil War was basically this closed community of people who thought of themselves as family. The hotel, which was really more lavish serviced apartments owned by the studio was where everyone lived. So there were many wives and children of the cast around all the time. The Downey’s moved their whole house over and had dogs and cats and kids.

It was an interesting experience but everyone was so nice and so accepting. We just became this big extended family. They just dragged me in as one of them and were determined to look after me. I think Scarlett and Robert both knew the troubles Chris and I had had in the past and were determined to make me take it easy. Romain and Susan would invite me to things or drop in with the kids quite a lot. I got quite used to working surrounded by noise and children. And there were so many kids around. It was a little crazy but I loved it.

It was in those moments; surrounded by children and people talking and mess and sound, while I could still work, I felt really at peace. This is what I had to look forward to. Mess, noise and chaos. It felt great. I loved that I was still able to get my work done even with all that happening around me. I could keep up with the kids and the talk and still do my work. I can’t even tell you how great that felt.

Chris injured himself on set a few weeks in. He did something to his upper arm doing some helicopter stunt. He freaked out so much.

“What if I can’t hold our baby?” He asked as I rubbed his arm.

“You’re going to be able to hold the baby,” I assured him.

He groaned. “I’ve seriously hurt it though, Em. Fuck. I’m such a fuckin’ idiot. Why did I do that?”

I kissed him softly. “You’re a perfectionist.”

“Stupid fuck, more like it.” He grumbled.

“You’re not going to not be able to hold your baby. For starters look you have a perfectly good arm here.” I said squeezing his other bicep. “And secondly, by the time they’re here, you’ll be fine.”

He kissed me and sighed. I don’t think he was quite convinced.

“I hope it was worth it.” I teased when he pulled apart.

Chris nodded. “Looks really fuckin’ good. I think people are gonna like it.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Will I like it?”

He chuckled and flexed his bicep. “I dunno. Do you like this?”

I pulled a disgusted face. “I mean… It doesn’t suck I supposed.”

Chris laughed and pulled me into a headlock, ruffling my hair.

When I reached 20 weeks we had the whole abnormalities check up I was losing my fucking mind. Chris was trying to be calm for me. I know he was a little scared too. He was also super excited because I was showing now and we could find out the sex. It was very, very difficult for him to just be calm.

I woke to the sun warming my skin and the beginnings of an orgasm building in me. My eyes fluttered open and I squirmed, looking down to see Chris, eyes closed lapping away at my cunt.

I pushed my fingers into his hair and he glanced up at me. “Good morning.” I murmured.

He smiled and continued to lap at my pussy. He sucked my clit between his lips and flicked his tongue back and forth over it. I arched up, moaning loudly as an orgasm took complete control over my only half awake body. “Jesus fucking Christ, Chris.”

Chris started chuckling as he removed his fingers from my cunt and look a final swipe of his tongue over my pussy. “You said I was allowed to wake you like that.” He said, crawling up between my legs. “And you gotta get up and get ready to go.”

“I’m not complaining.” I groaned, running my fingers through his hair.

He brought his lips to mine and I sucked myself from his lips humming to myself. Chris pressed his cock against my entrance and pushed inside.

“Mmm… seems to me that I could have slept for a little while longer.”

Chris laughed and nuzzled at my neck. “Where’s the fun in that.”

I wrapped my arms around Chris’ neck and just held on for the ride. It was a slow lazy lovemaking. His hips rhythmically rolling into mine. Given I had only just woken up and I’d already had an orgasm, I felt completely high. Soft and blurry at the edges. Every touch by Chris, his lips on my lips, his hand caressing my throat, his mouth on my breast, made me feel warm.

He moved his fingers to my clit and dragged another orgasm out of me. It washed over me, my muscles first tensing and relaxing like a wave. “Oh god yes, Chris.” I moaned pulling him back down into a kiss as my pussy pulsed around his cock.

Chris picked up his thrusting a little and I started biting and sucking on his skin. I slid my hands down his back and squeezed his ass, slipping my fingers between his cheeks. He came suddenly with a jerk and then flat out collapsed down on top of me.

“Get off, Chris,” I grumbled pushing him. “You’re squashing your kid.”

Someone else wasn’t exactly happy about it either. I got a kick, and while it wasn’t hard it was the first time I had been kicked by the baby that I knew for sure that’s what it was. I shoved Chris hard and put my hand on my belly.

Chris looked startled, to begin with and was about to say something that I’m sure would have been snarky, but he saw me holding my stomach and freaked out a little. “Are you okay? Shit. Did I really do something?”

I shook my head. “I felt them. The baby. It was a big, definite kick.”

Chris’ eyes lit up and he pushed my hands out of the way replacing them with his own. “Where?  Can you still feel them?”

I shifted his hand a little. “I don’t know. It’s way softer now. They’re definitely still kicking but it was like they were trying to shove you off me.”

Chris pushed his hand down hard and the baby kicked back. His eyes lit up. “That was it right? That tiny twitch?”

I nodded. “Stop pushing so hard though. I’m still a person.”

Chris pulled his hand away and looked at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry. Shit how wicked good was that though? I can’t believe I actually felt them.” He leaned over and kissed me before moving to my stomach. “Can’t wait to see you today, little one. I’m really happy I got to feel you too.”

I ruffled his hair and then rolled away from him getting up and heading to the bathroom. Chris had started up the shower by the time I had done all the normal first get out of bed things and I climbed in behind him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his back. Fuck he was so ripped at the moment. I don’t know why, but when he was in Cap form, his back was always my favourite bit. I ran my tongue up his spine.

“Hey pervert, whatcha doin’ back there?” He asked.

I giggled and bit into his shoulder blade. “Getting my kink on.”

Chris laughed and turned to face me. “Em, we felt the baby kick. Which means today when we go there, we’re going to see a little baby with hands and feet and a heartbeat. We can go in excited and not stressed out.”

I sighed and rested my head on his chest. Oh god, he was right, and it felt so good. I was really happy and light.

“You okay, babe?” Chris asked, quietly.

I nodded. “So okay. We’re going to find out what we’re having… or at least you know, what their genitals are. And that’s it. Nothing to worry about. It feels good.”

Chris kissed the top of his head and exhaled. “Right?”

* * *

We were so excited as we waited for the ultrasound tech. Just buzzing in our seats excited. Chris had his hand linked with mine, held on my stomach. The girl came in and introduced herself as Elise.

“So have you been feeling bubs move around?” She asked, adjusting my clothing and squeezing the gel onto my stomach.

“We have. Chris even felt them this morning.” I said excitedly. Chris squeezed my hand and nodded.

Elise smiled. “How exciting.” She said as he held the paddle against my stomach. She moved it around and we could see everything. Little hands waving around. The legs kicking. It’s heartbeat flickering away. Chris kissed me and I felt like I melted.

Elise pointed everything out. We got to hear the heartbeat, while both of us grinned like idiots. Elise then went about doing the measurements and checks needed and before turning to us smiling.

“So did you want to find out the sex?” She asked.

“Yes!” Both Chris and I said simultaneously.

She laughed and moved the paddle around. “Well, she’s being very good for me. I can see pretty clearly.”

“She?” Chris squeaked, his hands to his mouth. “It’s a girl?”

“That’s right, daddy. You’re having a daughter.” Elise grinned.

Chris lit up and hugged me. “We’re having a little girl.” He squealed, tears pricking his eyes. I hugged him tightly and we stayed like that for way longer than should have been comfortable. Elise must have felt awkward as hell.

Elise finished up the ultrasound and gave us some photos. We left hand in hand. Chris was literally beaming. I think I probably was too.

“I have to call Ma and tell her.” He said, opening the car door for me.

I kissed him before I climbed in. “Of course.”

I loved how this felt. I had missed out on so much of the excitement of this pregnancy. To finally have it now. I really wanted everyone to know too.

“What are we going to call her? Oh man, we should call her Ariel because … well you know… all the Little Mermaid stuff.” Chris said, climbing into the car.

I burst out laughing. “We’re not calling her Ariel.”

Chris pouted. “Why not? It would be super cute.”

“You’re super cute. But we’re still not naming her Ariel.” I said shaking my head.

Chris huffed. “Fine. But you have no sense of wonder.” He pressed a button on the car and Siri chirped. “Call Mom,” Chris said.

I laughed and settled back in the car.


	29. Chapter 29

After that ultrasound, I relaxed significantly. I know logically there’s no reason to be less worried than I was before. Or that I should have been as worried as I was after I had been assured that we should be able to have kids just fine and all our bad luck in the past was just that; bad luck.

I think there were two factors. The first was, I’d passed the point things had gone bad in the past. The bigger thing was, I could feel her now. Her kicks just kept getting stronger. Plus she got the hiccups all the time. Which was so fucking cute. Oh my god, feeling the constant little flutter in my tummy as my baby girl hiccuped away. Sometimes Chris could even see the little spasm of my baby bump. He loved that so much. He’d rest his head on my tummy giggle every time it twitched.

Chris took to reading or singing to my stomach. He did it every night. No matter how late he was home. Even when he was away shooting on location overseas he’d call up and read a chapter from Winnie the Pooh or sing a Disney song. I didn’t think I could fall in deeper love with Chris than I already was. I was so, so wrong.

Lying back on the bed, with Chris’ head on my stomach as he read or sang. How he gently caressed my tummy and told his baby how much he loved her already. I was so head over heels it was like it was all fresh and new again, only with that added depth of having known each other for a long time.

We started taking birthing classes. We were opting for a hospital birth but in a delivery room that was more like a birthing centre. It had a shower and a bath. All the medical equipment was tucked away unless needed. There were exercise balls and you could play music and use scented lotions. As far as places to try and force a giant baby head out your vag were concerned it seemed like a nice place.

Chris was really into the classes. Me not so much. Turns out, other expectant parents are really fucking annoying. The ones that recognised Chris (which, given that he was mid-filming Captain America, so he looked like Cap, was most of them) were really sycophantic towards Chris. I dunno if they saw us and were like ‘future famous in-laws’ or something. They just felt super fake and if I had to to get advice about birthing plans from another person who had never had a baby, I was going to lose it.

Chris was just remarkably upbeat and patient with everyone. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I loved him though. He was such a people person. Honestly, though I don’t think there was anything bringing him down from this pregnancy high he was experiencing.

The bigger I got the more excited he got. He was a buzzing mess of excitement about our daughter’s impending arrival. He had lists of names and he was reading all the books. I had thought at some point I might start feeling unattractive. I never did. Chris looked at me like I was literally a work of art. A really tactile piece of art. He couldn’t keep his hands off me.

One thing that only got worse the larger I got (well besides the fact I kept banging my belly into things because I’d forget it was there), was fucking Atlanta. The heat was killing me. I was okay inside in aircon but as soon as I went outside it would kill me. I’d want to tear my skin off.

The other problem was I seemed to be running hot. If Chris was with me he’d always say he was freezing and turn up the temperature on the aircon. Drove me crazy.

“What about Aurora?” Chris asked. He’d been at this for about twenty minutes now. Just sitting at the desk drinking a beer and going over potential Disney names we could use.

I sat on the end of the bed, feeling sweat start to bead on my skin. “Do you want to say that name out loud and then try and guess what my answer will be.”

Chris laughed. “So… what I’m hearing is no?”

“Well done.” I pulled my t-shirt off over my head and got up. “I’m just going to get some ice. If you suggest Lady when I get back we’re going to have words, my friend.”

Chris burst out laughing.

I wandered down the hall in my bra and shorts and filled up the ice bucket. I no sooner hand stepped back into the room when I was greeted with another Disney name.

“Marie!” He shouted.

“Like the Aristocat?” I asked, shaking my head and chuckling to myself.

“Yeah. Marie is a nice name though right? Not too Disney and it’s still Disney.” Chris said excitedly.

I unhooked my bra and pulled it off. “Put it in the maybe pile,” I said grabbing an ice cube and running it down between my breasts.

“What are you doing there, porn star?” Chris asked, spinning on his chair and quirking an eyebrow at me.

“I’m hot okay.” I groaned. I put the cube in my mouth and lay back on the bed.

“Yeah, you are.” He teased. “What about Belle?”

I groaned. “You already said Belle and I already nixed it.”

“Yeah, but I really like it,” Chris whined.

I rolled my eyes and got up pushing my shorts off and went over to the window. “I don’t know, Chris. Don’t you think everyone will just give you shit if you name your daughter after a Disney princess?”

Chris didn’t say anything he just stared at me.

I scowled at him. “What?”

“Well you ruined it now, but fuck, Em. You’re so beautiful.” He said, getting up. “Just stay there, I want to take a photo.”

He went and grabbed my camera and took a few photos. I rolled my eyes at him but then let him take the ones he wanted of me standing in the balcony.

“Stand in a way that I can show these to Ma.” He said.

I absolutely lost it laughing. “How exactly can I stand that I’ll be fine with your mum seeing me naked?”

Chris nudged me with his elbow. “Seriously, Em. You have no idea how stunning you look right now. Just, I dunno, bend your leg and hold your boobs.”

I tried to pose feeling incredibly awkward. Chris laughed at me. “And now do it like you’re a human being.”

I burst out laughing and he took some more photos as I calmed down. “I seriously think I might print one of these and put it up at home, babe,” Chris said as he flicked through the photos on the camera. I came up behind him and had a look.

“I guess they’re okay,” I said. They were kind of more than okay. He did have his eye for it sometimes. I guess his art background. The one I liked most I had a hand over my breasts and one under my belly and I was looking back at him. I actually wouldn’t hate people to see that one.

Chris turned to me and cupped my face in his hands. “You are so fucking beautiful. You always have been. But being able to look at you and see how close we are to starting our own family, you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”

He brought his lips to mine and kissed me for so long and so deeply it took my breath away. My hands slowly drifted up his abs and rested on his chest. When he finally pulled back I had to gasp for air.

I gazed up at him and ran my hand along his jaw. “Is it okay if I completely deflect everything you just said and move to the sex?”

Chris snorted. “No. You have to say thank you.”

“Complimenting someone on their looks is pretty superficial though.” I teased.

Chris rubbed his nose on mine. “That was superficial?”

I shake my head. “No… that was lovely. You’re lovely.”

Chris laughed. “Good enough.”

He kissed me again before spinning me around. I leant back on his chest and one of his hands went to my throat, holding me against him. The other ran down my body. His fingers teased over my nipples, pinching them to hard peaks before he moved lower, caressing my belly. By the time he stroked over my pubic mound, I was already wet.

His squeezed my mound and his middle finger slipped between my folds putting pressure against the entrance to my cunt. I gasped and turned my face to his, my lips ghosting over his pulse point.

“Fuck, you are running hot at the moment.” He growled.

I reached behind me and linked my hands at the back of his neck. “I know,” I whined.

His fingers started sliding up and down my folds, spreading my wet out and by doing so increasing it. I hummed and bit my bottom lip.

“Talk to me, beautiful. Tell me what you want me to do.” He purred. His fingers started drawing over my clit. Random shapes so I couldn’t quite tell when the pressure was going to change.

I moaned and my knees buckled but he kept me held upright. “I like this. Keep doing it. Fuck me with your fingers, my love.”

Chris chuckled. “Fuck me with your fingers … my love. Such a romantic.”

I squirmed against. “Stop it,” I whined.

“Stop what? This?” He pulled his fingers away from my pussy and put his hand back on my belly.

“Chris… stop teasing me,” I whined again.

Chris’ fingers returned to my pussy but this time he pushed two inside of me. I sucked in air through my teeth and let it out slowly.

He started fucking me with his two fingers. I could feel his erection pushing into me through his jeans and I ground my ass against it. His thumb went to my clit and he circled it around. Pressure built in the pit of my stomach and I started feeling weak. Like my knees were going to give out on me.

I clung to Chris. My fingers digging into the back of his neck. “Fuck. Fuck, Chris.” I whimpered as he curled his fingers inside me and dragged them over my g-spot. “I need you to fuck me. Please.”

“I am fucking you. With my fingers, remember?” He teased.

“Chris…” I whined.

He laughed. “Say it, baby. Use your words.”

I moaned again and sagged against him as he pressed hard against my g-spot. “Why are you being like this?”

He laughed again. “Because I’m an asshole. Now come on. Say it. Make it sound like you’re in a porn.”

I let my head fall forward, still clinging to him. Sweat was running down my skin in rivulets. “I need your dick. Please fuck me with that gorgeous dick of yours.” I didn’t exactly pull it off. Kind of sounded a little sarcastic to be honest. Didn’t seem to matter. He pulled his fingers out and moved up towards the desk.

He bent me over, putting my palms flat on the desktop. He shifted my legs apart and unfastened the fly of his jeans, pushing them down. I felt the press of his cock against my cunt and he entered me.

“Oh fuck yes.” I sighed as he slowly pushed in. I closed my eyes and let my head fall forward, my hair hanging over my face as I squeezed and tried to imagine every ridge of his cock sliding inside of me.

Chris ran his hands over my shoulders. I opened my eyes and watched as his hands slid down my arms. When he reached my hands he linked his fingers with mine. Fuck his forearms looked amazing. He was totally Cap’d out right now and when he closed his fingers his forearms tensed, showing off the veins.

He started thrusting into me. Slowly at first. Taking his time. He kissed and sucked at my neck and down my back. As my breathing picked up and my skin became more flushed he started to move faster and harder. He took his hands from mine and wrapped my hair around one. He yanked my head back kissing me and then just looking down into my eyes. “You like that, huh? You like when I fuck you hard.”

“Oh god yes.” I groaned.

His free hand moved to my breast and he squeezed it hard. I mewled and my cunt clenched hard around him. “That’s it, show me how much you like it. Squeeze that pussy around my dick.”

I clenched my pelvic floor and he groaned. “Oh god, you feel so good, Emily.”

He moved his hand from my breast to my clit and started rubbing it in small tight circles. I would have collapsed face down on the desk except that Chris was still holding me up by the hair. “Oh, fuck, please. Please, can I, Chris?” I begged, as my orgasm sat ready to tip over.

“Of course, Emily. Don’t hold back.” Chris cooed.

I came. Hard. My legs trembled and Chris moved his arms. He wrapped one around my chest holding me up and continued to thrust. He wasn’t far behind me though. Emptying into me with a grunt.

He slipped out and scooped me up carrying me to the bed. He lay me down gently on the bed and curled up around me. “Fuck, I can’t get enough of you.” He said, still panting slightly.

“That’s good because I’m basically the horniest person on the planet at the moment,” I replied, tangling my body with his.

His hand went to my belly on autopilot, stroking his palm over it. “What about Bianca?”

I smiled. “I love the Rescuers. And they have the Rescuers down under. That one can go onto the top of the maybe pile.”

Chris laughed and kissed my forehead. “Finally.”


	30. Chapter 30

When Chris was finally done with the principal filming I was seven months pregnant. I was getting to the large and uncomfortable stage. After the morning sickness had passed at around four months I was actually really enjoying the pregnancy. I felt good, I had heaps of energy. Now I was lethargic, I felt huge and everything ached.

She was kicking all the time too. Right in my kidneys. Or under my ribs. That was fun. Made Chris happy though. He loved that he could now press down on my belly and he was almost certainly going to get a kickback.

We still hadn’t picked a name out either. I just wasn’t sure about doing the whole Disney thing. It seemed to me that we had to love the name and not just name our child for novelties sake. They had to live with it after all.

It was cooling down now which was nice. The colours on our trees were changing and Chris grew his beard back. Hey, so you know what’s fucking hot? Chris Evans with a beard and wearing plaid, raking leaves. Didn’t even know that was a thing I had, but I could sit outside with tea on my hammock swing and watch him rake leaves all day and it would make me so fucking turned on. Who needs porn when you have that?

It’s just a pity that it was too cool for him to just randomly decided to take his shirt off. Can’t have everything I suppose.

Aside from yard work he was just taking some time off being with family, getting ready for the baby. I was still working. It was nice being back at the University with the others. I only worked until the end of August though. My due date was Halloween so October was the start of my maternity leave. Not that I was great at it. I just kept writing papers from home.

The first week into October Gaby held a baby shower at our place and just invited everyone so that Chris could come too because he was just as excited as I was. It was really casual actually. I was so relieved. Pizza, cupcakes, beer, and champagne for those who could drink it. Chocolate milkshakes for me, because I was craving them like crazy. Also baby spinach with caesar dressing. Don’t ask, but I could eat a bag full in one sitting.

We obviously didn’t need anything for the baby. So the gifts were mostly just donations to one of the two charities either Chris or I suggested. He went with Christopher’s Haven and me the WWF. We got some cute baby clothes and pieces of art for the nursery though. I mean it is totally understandable, since getting home to Boston I’d been buying up every single bit of cute baby stuff I’d come across. Chris was even worse than I was. I swear he’d go to meet friends for a drink and come back with some outrageously adorable dress that had Winnie the Pooh on it.

“So what names have you got?” Gaby asked as a bunch of us sat around talking.

I shook my head. “None. Chris is seriously set on a Disney name and I’m just not sure. Like they have to live with that. I just… his fans are a bunch of turds sometimes.”

Gaby shrugged. “Sounds to me like one of the things they’d like about him. His haters for sure would make fun of him for it, but his fans? Ehhh…”

I hugged her. “How come you know what his fans would like?”

“Ever since the nude photos thing I keep my eye on them. Me and Lisa tag team them sometimes. Don’t we?” Gaby said, looking over to Lisa.

Lisa grinned. I could see so much of Chris in her in that smile. I wondered what genes our baby was going to express. We both had the blue eyes long lashes thing happening. We were both part snowman. So definitely something like that. Would she have his more roman nose? Or would it look like mine? Would she get any of their aboriginal genes show?

That thought made my heart hurt a little. How was I going to teach her about that part of my heritage if we weren’t even in Australia? I had such a hard time learning about it myself and I was there with my grandmother teaching me. How was I going to be able to do it alone surrounded by American’s with their own heritage?

“Did we lose you, Emmy?” Gaby said, cutting into my thoughts.

I nodded and shrugged. “Sorry. Went on a little thought holiday.”

“We’ll forgive you because you’re pregnant and loopy.” Lisa teased. “You shouldn’t worry about the name too much though. If it’s a name, maybe people will notice maybe they won’t. Eventually, it won’t even be a Disney name. It will just be her name.”

I fiddled with the hem of my skirt. “I suppose you’re right. Maybe I should stop worrying about people making fun of me when I’m actually living a pretty decent life now.”

“You should definitely not worry about them. Besides, like Gaby said, we’ll fight them for you.” Lisa agreed.

After the party, Lisa, Carly and her kids all stayed under the pretext of helping clean up, as did Gaby. The kids were all now quite obsessed with my belly, not having seen the gradual growth. I sat back on the recliner with my feet up while the adults flitted about cleaning and the kids ran back and forth stopping periodically to touch my stomach and talk to it. Seeing if the baby would kick.

Lisa cooked us cannelloni for dinner and we sat around our large oak dining table eating and talking.

“Might be time to start holding the family events at your house, Chris. With all the new family members it might be outgrowing my house.” Lisa said.

Chris looked morally outraged. “But it’s tradition. Your house is plenty big enough.”

Lisa just laughed. “I guess we’ll have to see.”

After everyone left we tidied up the kitchen and headed to bed. Chris slowly stripped my clothes from me. Lifting my dress over my head and kissing my throat as he gently squeezed my breasts. I tilted my head to the side to give him better access to my neck.

He unhooked my bra and slid it from me tossing it into the hamper. “Come sit down, babe.” He said, guiding me back to the bed.

I sat at the edge of the bed and he grabbed the massage gel from the bedside table and started to rub my back. His large hands slowly working out the tension out of muscles.

“Chris, how am I going to make sure our kids know about all their cultural roots? You guys are super Italian. So they’ll get that. But how can I make sure they know about the other stuff? Australia and the fact they’re part aboriginal. I lost so much. But at least in Australia Aboriginal people accepted that I was one of them despite the fact I’m well…”

“Part vampire?” Chris suggested.

I snort laughed. “Yeah, that. You know when I talk to Aboriginal people in Australia and I tell them my grandma is aboriginal they start calling me black fella. Like it’s so strongly tied to heritage and culture over how you look. The invasion of Australia took so much from the indigenous people. Including physically taking their children who could pass as white. They are so determined to take those people back again. And now here I am in the US with you and no one that really gets that, or anything about Australia and its history.”

Chris leaned over me and I tilted my head back and he captured my lips with his. “Sweetheart, if it’s important to you they learn that then we’ll make the effort. We can go back to Australia every year and they can meet your Aunt and Uncle and cousins. We can do more immersive things, go to see places of significance. Teach them here. I promise they won’t lose that part of themselves.”

I felt warm and loved. I reached back and linked my hands behind his head. “Thank you.”

Chris nuzzled at my neck for a moment. “Of course. I want our kids to know who they are.”

He went back to rubbing my back and I closed my eyes and just let myself enjoy it. “What about Isabelle?” I asked.

“Why Isabelle?”

I looked back to him and smiled. “Well then you can call her Belle all you like, but on paper, it’s not a Disney name and if she ends up hating that you’ve named her after Disney she can go by Izzy or just Isabelle.”

Chris chewed on his cheeks for a moment. “That’s a really good idea. Isabelle.”

“Your little Belle.”

He pulled me back onto the bed and started kissing me, his hand squeezing my breast.

“Chris…” I hummed.

His hand had started travelling between my legs and he stroked my pubic mound through my panties.

“Mmm?” He replied without removing his lips from my skin.

“Can you do something for me?” I asked.

His fingers pressed down on my panties slipping between my folds. My back was starting to get uncomfortable. I didn’t like being on it with my big belly. Too much pressure.

“Yeah…” He replied, looking at me. “You want another milkshake?”

I shook my head. “I want you to go sit on the chair over there and let me watch you jerk-off.”

Chris sat up and looked down at me laughing. “Of all the things I expected to come out of your mouth then, can I watch you jerk-off was the last one.”

I stuck my bottom lip out. “Please.”

Chris nodded and rubbed his nose against mine. “Am I going to completion?”

“Yes, please.”

“Fine. But you aren’t allowed to touch yourself okay? You be a good girl and I’ll reward you after.” Chris cooed like he was talking to a little kid.

I leaned up and pecked him on the lips. “I’ll be good.”

He got up and I sat at the end of the bed taking a drink from my water bottle and settling against the headboard. Chris stipped off all his clothes and sat down in the lounge chair. He reclined back. His cock was already hard and the way he was sitting it sat against his abs, leaving a trail of precome over his soft body hair.

He ran his palm over the head of his cock, slicking his palm. He started to stroke. Lazily pumping his fist up and down his length. As he began to give himself to it, his hand moved faster. He squeezed his fist making the tendons on his wrist stand out. The way he rubbed his thumb over his shaft was like he was milking himself. Precome leaked from the head of his cock. It smeared over his abs and made them glisten and left a sticky thread that between his cock and his stomach.

He started to pant and his eyes fell closed. His eyelashes fanning out over his cheeks. “Oh fuck.” He breathed. His biceps, abdominal and thigh muscles started clenching and releasing. Each clench lasted longer than the last and highlighted his form. His toes curled and his chest started rising and falling with his jagged breaths.

I kept finding myself letting out unintentional squeak sounds as I watched him. It was such a turn on. My cunt felt flushed and soaked. My thighs became sticky with my arousal

“You gonna come, Chris?” I asked.

“Oh fuck yes.” He groaned.

“Say my name when you do,” I said.

He smiled and opened his eyes, watching me as I sat there watching him. His cock jumped in his hand and he groaned. “Oh fuck yes, Emily.” He came spilling, sticky, white threads over his belly.

I got up off the bed and came over to him as he lay there panting. “That was fucking hot, Chris. Feel.” I took his come coated hand and pushed it between my legs.

“Fuck, babe. Let me get cleaned up and I’ll take care of you.” He growled.

I dropped to my knees and started licking his fingers clean. I then moved to his abs licking his come from his stomach. Finally, I took his cock in my mouth and started sucking. He was flaccid and I could easily fit the whole thing in my mouth. He started whimpering.

“Oh shit. Shit… babe.” He whimpered as I flicked my tongue over the slit. His hand went to my hair. “Em… oh god…”

I knew he wouldn’t last with me doing this long. His cock was over stimulated and sensitive. Just when I thought for sure he was going to ask me to stop I let him go and looked up at him. “All clean,” I said.

He let out a long slow breath. “Dirty bitch.” He growled.

I smiled at him and he helped me to my feet and directed me back to the bed. “Get comfortable.” He said. “I’m going to eat you out until you see stars.”

“Oh how lovely for me.” I teased and climbed up on the bed. I pulled a pillow down and put it down to support my back and I lay down spreading my legs. Chris pulled my panties down and nuzzled at my pussy for a moment. I mewled and jerked up into his face.

“Em, you nearly broke my nose.” He scolded.

“Stop teasing me then,” I whined.

He bought his mouth to my pussy. Sucking at my folds and swirling his tongue over them before taking my clit in his mouth and lapping his tongue over it. It didn’t take very much attention to my clit before I came hard. I cried out and clutched at the sheets.

He didn’t ease up though. In fact, he pushed his fingers inside of me and stroked them over my g-spot as his tongue flicked over my clit. I moaned and panted, trying to regain some control but I couldn’t quite do it. I came again, this time I gushed, making a loud primal scream.

Chris sat up looking very pleased with himself. “Shall we take a shower?”

I nodded and pulled him down over me to kiss him. “You need to carry me.”

Chris laughed. “Of course I do.”


	31. Chapter 31

“Please, Isabelle. I need you to come out of there. I’m going crazy.” I said to my baby bump. We were driving home from our OBGyn appointment. I was 41 weeks. I was already pretty over being pregnant at 39 weeks. Now I was a week past the due date I was slowly losing my mind.

I felt guilty because at the start of this pregnancy all I wanted was it to stick. Now it had gone past the used by date and I just wanted her out. I was impatient to meet her and hold her in my arms. I felt huge and uncomfortable. I kept getting sciatica. I just wanted it to be over but she was determined to not budge. Today’s appointment had shown I was two centimetres dilated. Which I was a week ago too. So basically she was never coming out. I was going to be pregnant forever.

“I don’t blame her. I like being inside you too.” Chris said and immediately burst out laughing.

“Christopher Robert Evans. That’s your daughter you’re talking about!” I scolded. That made Chris laugh even harder and he reached over and clutched at me.

He calmed down and his hand slid down and ran over my belly. “One more week tops. I know you’re having a tough time. But it’s only one more week and if she still doesn’t come out, they’ll induce. So one week tops and in the meantime, I’m supposed to fuck the shit out of you.”

I started giggling. “She didn’t say to fuck the shit out of me.”

“It was heavily implied when she said ‘sex can help trigger labour’.”

I reached over and squeezed his thigh. “Okay, then I guess you have to fuck the shit out of me. That sucks.”

A huge thunder crack happened and I peered out the passenger side window of the Lexus. “Ooohhh… we’re going to have a huge storm.” I could see the rain off in the distance. “I wonder if it’s raining at your mum’s place yet.”

Chris peered out into the horizon. “Looks like it might be. I was gonna suggest we go get some dinner out but maybe we should just go home.”

“Yeah, I wanna just go home. I know they say we should take advantage of just being us. But I just want you to rub my back and to drink chocolate milkshakes.” I said.

Chris bit his lip. “I know you’re just milking the milkshake thing, you know? You haven’t had a proper craving for at least a month now.”

I grinned at him and bit my bottom lip. “Can you be so sure. What if there’s something in that milkshake Belle needs and you won’t get it for her?”

Chris chuckled. “You play dirty.”

We got home and I waddled inside. Chris went straight to the kitchen and made me a milkshake. I sat on the sofa and put my feet up. I laughed when he brought it to me. “I knew it.”  I teased.

“Yeah, well. One day. One day.” He laughed.

Our evening went as it often did in this last month of my pregnancy. I tried to help Chris with dinner. He chased me away. We ate together talking about whatever random thing. We watched some TV while he rubbed my feet. We then headed to bed. He’d rub my back and hips. Then lie beside me reading to my baby bump for a while.

The storm had come in while we ate and by the time we were in bed the rain was coming in hard against the windows and the thunder rattled them periodically. I felt really relaxed.

“'It’s snowing still,’ said Eeyore gloomily. 'So it is.’ 'And freezing.’ 'Is it?’ 'Yes,’ said Eeyore. 'However,’ he said, brightening up a little, 'we haven’t had an earthquake lately.’” Chris read, his hand stroking over my belly. Isabelle kicked hard. Right in my kidney. “Oh man! Did you feel that?” Chris asked excitedly. “She likes when I read.”

I stretched a little and grimaced. “Yeah, I felt it. It fucking hurt.”

“Hey now, Belle. Don’t beat up your mommy.” He whispered against my stomach.

He started to nuzzle against my skin and I made an involuntary purring sound. Chris gazed up at me smiling. He walked his fingers up my belly. “You want to try coaxing her out?” He asked.

“As long as you don’t ask like that ever again.” I laughed.

He chuckled too and coaxed me so I was lying on my back he pulled my panties off and I rolled straight back onto my side. “You’re not exactly making this easy for me you know?” He asked, pulling his henley off.

“Spoon me. My back hurts too much to be lying on it and I’m lazy.” I said.

Chris dropped his pants and lay down behind me, pulling me tightly against him. “It’s a good thing I love you.” He whispered.

His fingers went between my legs and slipped between my folds. I closed my eyes and hummed as he started drawing little shapes over my clit. His hips slowly moved against me and he kissed and sucked at my throat. I could feel his cock start to harden and I reached behind me and stroked him until he was rock hard and leaking. When I took my hands away it slipped between my ass cheeks and slid back and forth, sometimes pressing on my asshole with each roll of his hips.

“Even lazy and making me do all the work I find you irresistible. What’s with that?” Chris growled into my ear. He pinched my nipples and pulled them a little. They were so sensitive at the moment. I guess getting ready for Isabelle’s near arrival. I quite liked the pain associated with him messing with them though, so when he pinched I squeaked, but my cunt flooded.

What I was not expecting was the colostrum that leaked from my nipple when he did it. He noticed it before I did and it made him really excited. “Oh fuck, Em.” He breathed and pulled me so I was lying back into him. He licked over my nipple and sucked it into his mouth. I shuddered as he suckled at my breast. I could feel him drawing it out of me. I moaned and rolled completely onto my back.

Chris kept one arm under me, supporting me. He kept sucking on my breast as he looked up at me. The other started to leak like it wanted some attention too. He switched to it sucking hungrily. In the back of my head this little far off thought niggled at me, 'this is weird even for you’. It was so heavily drowned out by how good it felt. How hot he made my skin feel and the way my nipples hardened in his mouth.

There was more to it than that. I loved that not only did this not disgust him, he seemed to love it. Not in some kinky weird way. He just loved that this was another part of me he could explore.

His hand went back to my pussy and his middle finger pressed down on my clit. I gasped and such a strong jolt went through me that I nearly came right there. “Oh fuck! Fuck, Chris!” I cried.

He released my breast. “Is it okay?” He asked a little sheepishly.

I ran my hands through his hair and smiled. “Oh fuck yes. I can feel it. Feels good. Isn’t it weird?”

He shook his head. “No, tastes sweet. Didn’t expect to be quite as into it as I am.” He laughed pushing his cock against me and smearing precome on my leg.

He went back to suckling on my breast and fingering my clit. I felt overwhelmed. This sensation that was so new to me along with the pinching and flicking over his fingers over my sensitive clit sent me over quickly. I came digging my fingers into his bicep.

“Please. Oh god, Chris. Please fuck me.” I pleaded.

Chris released my breast again and I rolled forward off my back. He grabbed my hips and tilted them back before thrusting into me. “I don’t understand how you turn me on in all these different ways,” Chris whispered in my ear. “Just when I think I’ve explored every kink I could possibly have, you just open a new one in me.”

I smiled and turned my head back to him. “It’s because you love me.”

He rolled his hips into me as he continued to tease at my nipples and flick his fingers over my clit. I closed my eyes and just gave myself to it. Moaning deeply and clenching my pelvic floor around his cock. He nuzzled and kissed my neck and jaw and slowly a second orgasm built. It swirled through my veins and pooled in my stomach, pressing down until I couldn’t take it anymore and I came arching back into him. He let out a groan and his hips snapped forward as his own orgasm hit him.

After we made love - and really that’s what it was in the end, slow gentle lovemaking - we fell asleep. Me curled over my body pillow, him wrapped around me like an octopus, the thunderstorm lulling us both off to sleep.

A really loud thunder crack woke me up in the early morning. I immediately realized I needed to pee. Isabelle sure did love to use my bladder as a pillow.

I got out of bed and when I went into the bathroom I realised I was just dripping liquid from me. “Oh, thank fuck.” I sighed and went to pee. I grabbed a pad and put some underwear on and went and woke Chris.

“Chris, wake up.” I said, gently shaking him.

He almost exploded out of the bed. “Is it time?” He said scrambling around the bed still half asleep. I’m not even sure what he was looking for.

“Shh…” I soothed. “My waters broken, but I haven’t felt anything. I’ll just call the hospital.”

Chris followed me out while I rang. The hospital just said keep a pad in and wait. That if I wasn’t in labour in about six hours to call them again.

Thus began a long annoying day of waiting around for nothing to happen. We both went back to bed for a while but couldn’t sleep. So I got up and showered. By midday, I called and they just said keep waiting. Chris called just about everyone on the entire planet. I posted on facebook and got a lot of 'why are you updating facebook shouldn’t you be having a baby?’ replies.

At eleven they said I needed to come in to have an antibiotics drip put in. So we packed up the car and went in. We were set up in the hospital room we’d be recovering in. Not the delivery room. Oh my god, it was fancy as fuck. I’ve stayed in hotel rooms that weren’t anywhere near as nice as this was. It had a huge king size bed. A spa bath. A little table and chairs and a couple of sofas. A nurse came and put a cannula into my hand after a lot of prodding and missing the fucking vein. Before it was even in properly I had my first contraction.

The labour was slow but not abnormally slow. Unfortunately, because I’d already been up for about eighteen hours by the time my labour started it meant the seventeen I was actually in labour for was exhausting. The midwives all suggested I try to sleep through the start of it. I did try, but my labour had a really weird start point. I was getting these short hard contractions every twenty minutes from the time that cannula went into my hand. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t even relax enough before the next contraction happened.

At three in the morning, I was starting to lose it. Chris took me into the shower and I sat naked on a plastic chair leaning against his chest as he held a shower head against the small of my back any time a contraction hit. I managed to doze a little like that, but every time a contraction hit I’d cry.

After around two hours of being in the shower, we moved to the bath. The nurses came by regularly timing my contractions, but there was no urgency to move me to the delivery room. I did sleep in the bath. Not well but I’d find myself waking to a contraction and way more time had passed than I had thought. Chris sat at the side of the tub and kept my head above water, rubbed my back and changed the water when it cooled too much.

“How are you doing, baby?” He asked at the seven-hour mark. I’d been sleeping in the bath for two hours.

“I’m so tired.” I sobbed.

He kissed the top of my head. “I know, honey. You’re doing really well though. Ma is here. You wanna try and get out of the bath so you don’t dissolve? Have a walk around for a bit?”

I got out of the bath and he helped dry me off. I put on a robe and went and said hello to Lisa. It wasn’t long until I literally couldn’t take it anymore. Lisa left us to it and thus began five hours of pacing the room and using the exercise ball.

“No one’s going to think you’re weak if you need drugs, baby girl.” Chris soothed as he rubbed my back through another contraction. They were getting longer and more intense and I was getting more and more tired.

“I know. I know. But that needle scares me.” I sobbed.

“You could try the gas,” Chris suggested.

So I did. It made me feel a horrible high but did nothing for the pain at all. I did pethidine too. That made me puke. So I went back to just crying a lot. By fifteen hours I was an exhausted sobbing wreck of a human being. I’d stopped caring about having clothes on. It was too hot and everyone kept putting their hands in my vag anyway. They took me down to the delivery ward. It was also pretty nice. Still had a shower and a bath. It was way more hospital though and the bed was just a single hospital bed.

I went straight into the bath and dozed against Chris again. He was obviously exhausted too. He had dark circles under his eyes and had gotten to the point where there was coffee within reach at all times for him to drink. Lisa was bringing it in at random intervals. I didn’t even care that she was seeing me naked either. I just was in pain. That’s the only thing I cared about.

“Okay, Emily. You have to get out of the bath.” One of the nurses said after coming in to check on us.

“I can’t.” I cried, clinging to Chris.

“Too bad. You can’t have your baby in the bath and she’s coming.” She scolded like I was a naughty child.

“Please. I can’t.” I moaned and another contraction happened. When it passed she helped me up and put a towel around me.

I waddled into the delivery room and didn’t even make it to the bed when the urge to push hit me. I leaned over it and wailed as Chris held my hand.

“Emily, honey. I can see her. Can you get up on the bed?” The nurse asked.

I crawled up on the bed and just stayed on my hands and knees with my face pressed into the mattress. No one seemed to care. Five minutes later Doctor McKenna was there to play catcher.

The pushing took a while. But at that point time meant nothing to me. There was just pain. The contractions were constant and they burned through me. On top of my exhaustion, I almost felt like I was just alone with the pain. Eventually, though she was here and her cries filled the room.

“Oh my god, Em. You should see her.” Chris exclaimed, his voice cracking. He cut the cord and I rolled over and she was put straight onto me. She was all scrunchy and slimy, but she looked up at me and I was in love. She wasn’t even crying anymore. Just looking up with big blue eyes and a fine patch of dark hair.

Chris put his hand on her and crouched down beside me. “Hey, Belle. I’m your daddy. I’m so happy to meet you.” He whispered, kissing her forehead. He was crying and I ran my hand over his cheek. He leaned up and kissed me. “Fuck, Em. You’ve made me so happy. I can’t believe we’re all here now. This is our family.”


	32. Epilogue

I woke to Chris kissing my cheek. His soft beard tickling my skin. “Hey, how are my girls today?” He whispered as my eyes fluttered open.

“We’re good. She let me sleep for a change.” I murmured rolling over. “What time is it?”

Chris smiled at me. “It’s nine. You can go back to sleep. I’ll take Nate with us to Belle’s dance lesson. You get some rest.”

He leaned down and kissed me and I held him for a little longer before he pulled away. “Get some rest, babe. We’ll bring you back lunch.”

“Get me a milkshake.” I murmured.

He laughed. “Of course.”

So this was us now. Belle was six, she now took dance and she played soccer. She took after me a little more than him. Not that I couldn’t see him in her. He was definitely there. Nate was our son. He was three. It took a little longer to get pregnant with him than we thought would happen, but he came when he was ready. He looks so much like Chris it’s scary. Plus he has his manic energy and soft nature.

After Nate, we just stopped worrying about birth control either way. We figured with the trouble we had getting Belle and Nate to join us we’d just not worry at all anymore. If we got pregnant again, great. If not; oh well we had our two. Six months ago I got pregnant again. Another girl this time. We’re still arguing about the name, but I’m considering letting him have Ariel. Every year we go back to Australia. I actually think I’ve seen more of it now than when I lived there. I’m just as excited to learn about my own culture again as I am introducing it to our kids. It’s exciting.

We still do all the kinky tie me up and spank me stuff. It’s not as often. We usually get Lisa to babysit when we do. We also still sometimes have threeways. We stopped having them with Tom about three years ago. He started seeing someone, and that someone was the one in the end. I’m not sure if he ever told her what we got up to or not. Either way, we’re still really close. What can I say? I love him and I probably always will. Krysten still joins us from time to time though. She’s married now too but they’re like us. So it works. She even has her own little kid too. He’s two and named Max.

Gaby still lives in Boston. She and James have two kids. Twins girls. They’ve been debating if they want to have another or not.

And that’s it really. The end of our story or at least the end of the really exciting stuff. I work part-time and Chris has dialed back on the acting so we’re together most of the time these days. We stay home and we raise our kids, and we’re happy. Really, really happy.

We aren’t your typical couple but it was a romance none the less. We love each other and that’s really what’s important, isn’t it? That you love each other and you’ve always got their back? All the other stuff is just what makes your story special to you. We may have had a lot of struggles but I’ve always had him and in the end, that’s what counts. We’re two people who have each other.

And the kinky tie me up stuff. That’s pretty great too.


End file.
